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What do you think about my essay?
Critical Lens Essay
“One of the original sins of humanity has been the inability to live at peace”, once said PW Singer. This can relate to both A Tale of Two cities and The Pit and the Pendulum by Edgar Allan Poe. I feel that it means it is simply not possible for the world to be at peace and I agree with this statement. Until humanity can get along and treat each other as equal, they'll never find peace. It is a human flaw that peace is impossible.
Sydney Carton, one of the main characters in A Tale of Two Cities and the narrator of The Pit and the Pendulum are similar and yet different. Sydney gave up his life to make sure that his love, Lucie, was happy. In The Pit and the Pendulum, the narrator had no choice. They both were in a sticky situation, but only one could live to tell. Sydney was executed, while the narrator was saved by the general right before he was to die a horrible death.
con..
Ways like this were common back then, and is and exact example of the inhumanness and no peace.
The Revolution in A Tale of Two Cities and the Spanish Inquisition in The Pit and the Pendulum are also similar in the ways that they were horrible acts of violence and war. The Revolution was a time of blood, gore, and executions against traitors and non-revolutionaries. The Spanish Inquisition was when they tried to maintain Catholic orthodoxy in their kingdoms. If there were non-believers of both of the causes, they would either be tortured, or killed. The whole reason of the “revolutions” was to kick out all of the traitors, but the way it was done was inhumane, caused mass chaos between the citizens, and didn’t really accomplish much of anything.
It is true; humans have don’t have the ability to keep peace between each other. It is the deadliest sin, and there is no way to fix it in today’s society.
What would be some ways to improve it?
4 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Sentences that could be improved:
"I feel that it means it is simply not possible for the world to be at peace and I agree with this statement." - drop the "I feel" and "I agree" if possible. Instead you can say (referring to the quote): This was exemplified by... OR One interpretation of this icould be that it is not possible for the world...
"The whole reason of the “revolutions” was to kick out all of the traitor..." - replace "kick out" with a different phrase
"...and didn’t really accomplish much of anything.": this sounds too vague.
Logical flow...
Your first two paragraphs seem to be disconnected somewhat. You say you disagree with something, but it is not clear why. Your second paragraph (starting with "Sydney Carton, one of the main characters...) seems to be a description of something relevant, but it is not clear how it supports your argument that it is not possible for the world to be at peace. If this is an introduction, then you may want to include at least a couple of sentences or so that would briefly explain (not just describe) your position on this issue. Why do you think it is not possible? You start explaining this a little too late in the essay (under con...) in my opinion.
What I like about this essay:
You started out with a quote - that's catchy and a good idea.
Your sentences are put well together - good grammar and a rich vocabulary
Other suggestions
In a critical essay, you may introduce different points of view, if you wish to do so- for example, you can provide arguments that would support the statement that you started out with (quote by Singer). You can also introduce arguments that would argue against this quote. Contrasting different points of view is pretty difficult, but it could indicate good critical thinking skills. A sign of maturity! But if you wish to stick with just one side of the story, then that's good too. It would be nice to see more arguments that emphasize your point though. Maybe you have a lot of arguments, but they're not clear to me.
EXAMPLES:
I understand that one of your arguments is that violence keeps arising over and over again, [despite the awareness of its negative implications]
You could also come up with other arguments by answering questions such as:
(1) To what extent are people aware of negative implciations of violence?
(2) Could human emotions, like fear perpetuate violence?
(3) How do your stories tie in with all of this?
Just some suggestions...
Anyways, I'm not sure what year/grade are you in. Generally, I gave you suggestions that I would give to a university student. :) Hope some of it helps!
- hkysonLv 61 decade ago
You definitely are developing some very solid writing skills. As you keep on practicing, you will inevitably get better!
Harleigh Kyson Jr.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
you have got to be kidding me i am not readin that.......have your mom read it!
