Help with 16 yo daughter?

You are doing the right thing. I can't believe people are telling you you're too harsh.

Math is hard. BUT getting zeroes and not even trying is inexcusable. Dad didn't lose his temper---that girl shouldn't be throwing tantrums at her age and personally I'd have taken the car away immediately anyway. Actually, I'd have done what my mother did--anything less than a B, you're grounded (and I mean NOTHING) until the report card comes out 9 weeks later. Well I never got a C. Guess kids need pushed.

She needs to learn action=consequence. What happens

when she gets a job, decides it's too hard, and stops doing it? Coddling the kid will not help her in the long run.

Put her on total lockdown, like you have mostly-no car, cell, computer, tv, friends, mall, etc till it's at a decent level. Your kid doesn't get to tell you how to discipline her. YOU are the mommy.

Your daughter sounds like she is behaving like a very typical teenage. My sympthaties to you and your husband.

If she was cooperating with tutoring, trying to do her homework and coming to you when she had trouble, then your punishments would be excessive. But, that's not what is happening here. Her primary responsibility at this point in her life is her schoolwork, and she is shirking that responsibility. I am glad to hear that she is experiencing the consequences. Don't let her try to put you on a guilt trip. It was her reponsibility to get that homework done, and to come to you if she was having a problem. She missed the boat not just once, but six times. When she says you are being unfair about one bad grade, she demonstrated how poor her math skills really are. It was SIX bad grades by my counting, and they weren't just bad, they were absolutely the worst possible grade that a child can receive, a complete and utter failure to even attempt the assigned work.

I would consider returning some of the lost privileges if she begins demonstrating good faith in attending tutoring and completing homework assignments. I will not punish a child for struggling, if they are putting all of their effort into it. Some of the responsibility then falls on the parents, teacher and the school to get the student the help they need. But if the kid isn't making the effort, then everything is on the table.

I would consider family counselling. It sounds like communication and cooperation are breaking down between you. And, it is possible that this problem with grades is only a symptom, and not the root problem. Why did she stop doing her work? Why did she not come to you when she started having problems? Why is she refusing to cooperate with efforts to help her, like tutoring? It could be very beneficial to have an experienced social worker to moderate a discussion between you so that you can begin to understand what is going on with her.

Another reason that counselling would be a good idea now is that she is still at an age where you can require her to attend. If she's having some problems, then you need to get them sorted out before she reaches an age where she can legally refuse treatment.

Don't forget to give her a big hug every day, and tell her you love her.

Best of luck!!!

Updated:

By the way, even if the teacher assigned excessive homework, it would still be your daughter's responsibility to bring the problem to you the FIRST time that it happened. Your daughter does not have a leg to stand on, letting 6 zeroes pile up and failling to mention them to you.

Also, math is all about homework. It is nearly impossible to do well in a math class without doing the homework. For a smart child who has always been able to skate by with the very least amount of work, a tough math class can be an enormous shock to the system.

I agree she may be having trouble with the class and that is why she is not doing the homework, but on the other hand there is no reason to get 6-0's for not doing homework if she got the D and did all the homework I would be fine with it as some kids are not good in math esp. since all her other grades are great. you can do what my parents did to me and have a weekly phone conference with the teacher to keep tabs on her and her homework / testing situation, I was horrible in math in school and it was due to the classes being too big after awhile my parents & teacher figured this out and I also went into a special class (kinda like a tutor) to help me out and I finally excelled so much by the time I went to collage I had a 4.0 average the whole way threw!! GOOD LUCK

I had the same problem in high school. I was an excellent student, on the honor roll, but I just couldn't understand math.

The reason why she's acting this way is probably because she just can't understand the subject and feels she isn't getting credit for all of the things she does well.

If I were you, I would look into a tutor or have your daughter stay after school for help with that days lesson. Part of the problem mat be her teacher. A good teacher can really make a difference in a students understanding of a subject. I had terrible math teachers up until my junior year, but once things were really explained to me, I did fine (usually B+ or A-)

Also I would give your daughter most of her privileges back. I'm sure she's stressed enough, worrying about all of her other classes, extra-curriculars, and now a bad grade in algebra.

I hope I helped. Good luck :)

Could it possibly be the teacher? Is he assigning an excessive amount of homework? If the answer is NO to those questions and she did well the previous semesters then I think you did the right thing. Not doing homework is a pretty big no no and obviously it brought her grade down significantly. If she is capable of A's, I would insist on A's. Is she is only capable of B's, that is what I would expect. A grade of "D" for an "A" student is just not acceptable.

She is just a year or two from college where mom and dad will not be there to keep an eye. By you doing this she will understand that there are no excuses. Better than having her flunk a college course (which cost hundreds of dollars, possibly into the thousand dollar range) and having to take that class over at your expense.

Sounds to me like she is a good girl having trouble with algebra, that' s nto being bad. I was great at geometry, was ok with algebra, and horrible with algebra 2. A lot of kids i knew had trouble with algebra. Simply tell her that she needs to at least try to do teh homework, cuz even if she gets it all wrong she'll get a low grade but not a 0. So tell her she can only go on the computer and watch tv after you have seen that she tried to do her homework! But don't take her car away, that's unfair! It's not like she's on drugs and disrepecting you!

I would make sure she was doing the homework, thats really the concern here, if the entire class is having a hard time, then its a very hard teacher, or not a very good one, take your pick, it amounts to the same thing. as for the car keys, kids shouldnt be driving to school at 16 anyway,unless they have an after school job to go to. alot of 16-18 year old drivers dont make it to see their next birthday because they are just turned loose with a vehicle as soon as they get their license, i hate it.

Poor girl. Thats very harsh. But I think you did the right thing.Youre a parent and its important that you point her at the right direction. Be a disciplinarian. She wouldnt learn math if you just keep on giving her hugs and kisses everytime she throws her math homeworks and grades away. ( positive reinforcements). She needs a negative reinforcement in order for her beautiful mind to know that you just dont leave your math grades hanging just because you coundnt understand the lesson. You must drive her to learn it by all means necessary or she would just do bad at it for the rest of her life. she must learn to understand it even if it bores the hell out of her. You gave her pressure and its now up to her. If she still doesnt do anything about it then you know what to do.

additional info. There you go. She doesnt give it her 100 percent meaning that she still doesnt prioritize it. Hey I was a student myself and I do know why I got high grades and why I got low grades. I got a high grade in my college algebra even though most of my friends just barely passed it. I know the reason why. They lack practice. Its what she needs. She needs to devote some of her precious time to practice solving problems. I failed certain subjects because I didnt care about it because I had certain subjects that were somewhat high anyway. Kinda like her situation.

Oh my God. I just read your question again for the 5th time. Umm I think you shouldnt take her phone and computer away. Those are essential for her education. As for the TV. Hmm. Just give her a curfew or watching hour only. If she still doesnt do anything bout it then continue with the harsh punishment

it sounds to me like you as parents are expecting WAY too much. she's always been an A student and now she shows one D & you freak out & punish her. she's probably having a hard time with the class. and if everyone in that class is having a hard time, then maybe the teacher isn't that good. instead of taking away every thing she owns and cutting her off socially, you should get her a tutor or talk to the teacher. I think you went overboard.

do you know how many kids don't even make it through their freshman year in highschool? how many are out doing drugs or skipping classes? it sounds like you've got a great kid and aren't doing anything except pushing her to her limits. keep it up, she will rebel.

I think you are being a wee bit too hasty, I was a straight A student, it really could be she is finding this part if the subject a bit too hard....... I agree with her when she says you cant judge her on one grade...........especially when she has been doing so well................It sounds like when she said "no matter what she does it itsnt good enough" she's right, because one bad grade has earned her alot of punnishment. Sit her down & talk to her (you listen & she talks), find out if there is more to this, but dont judge, just listen............the whole taking the computer, tv, phone, car etc off of her, wont win her round, it'll only push her further away. Could be its all getting too much for her, you really need to watch the strain doesnt push her over the edge, especially if she is getting pressure from all angles. Sounds like she needs some time out & not punnishment, why dont you see how she does on the next test before you freak out with her........... I found it really stressful at that age & alot of my friends got depressed because of the pressure their parents put on them.......... Once the pressure was reduced from my parents & theirs, we managed to relax more & take more in......... Have you suggested a study session with her friends who are in the same subject & might be having trouble too, it might take the pressure off of them all too, plus I found that easier than a private tutor (my parents tried that with me, I just felt there was more pressure on me to succeed). I passed with an A+!!!!