am i the only spouse that seems to have pts?

It must be hard for you right now, your husband is safe at home, but somewhat of a stranger, you have a small child, the stress (and joy!) of being a stay-at-home mom. That is A LOT!

You do need to have someone to talk to--do you have insurance that would cover counseling? If so, get a referral from your primary care doctor and find someone you can talk to...

Yes, your husband has been through a lot and has seen a lot, some of it so horrible that it will be with him always, but he, too, must have counseling...Post-traumatic Stress Disorder is a real, legitimate illness. It is nothing to be ashamed of, and with help, time and perhaps medication, he will come through it.

When soldiers are gone for long periods of time, even in peace times, it takes a big adjustment when the soldier comes back. The spouse at home has been managing everything alone, and all of a sudden, there is this familiar-looking sranger who must learn the routine and work with the spouse who kept the home fires burning.

Is there a church you attend, or can attend near-by? Most pastors are trained to do counseling, and the friendship and fellowship of other members who go there would afford you the chance to make friends.

Also, you have a little one--even small towns seem to have Mommy & Me groups, or local playgroups that meet at the mall or somewhere that is convenient...

Give your husband time and some space, and hopefully he can work through his deployment trauma and time will ease his PTSD.

Good luck to you. I am sorry things seem so stressful right now.

I hope you will read the following:

Alone... but Not Lonely http://watchtower.org/e/20040608/article_01.htm

Coping With Loneliness http://watchtower.org/e/20040608/article_02.htm

What You Can Do About Loneliness http://watchtower.org/e/20040608/diagram_01.htm

These articles^ are from a series that I've found very helpful.

You can find helpful insight in the following articles as well:

How Well Do You Communicate?

- Keys to Communicating With Your Mate http://watchtower.org/e/20060415/article_01.htm

When Marital Disagreements Arise

- Assessing the Situation

- Three Steps to Defusing an Argument

- “Pay Attention to How You Listen”

- Listening and Insight

- Aim to Resolve, Not to Win

- What You Can Do Now http://watchtower.org/e/20050601/article_01.htm

Wholesome Communication---Key to a Good Marriage http://watchtower.org/e/19990715a/article_01.htm

(I won't say more, because I'm fighting to stay awake.)

Unfortunately sometimes the military spouses do not get the support they need. It is better on the bases because more people remember to care for the whole family. Why not seek out a support group in your area or get involved in a church? There are probably online groups for spouses of deployed soldiers also. Another avenue is the VA center. They may have something in place for spouses also. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

you need to realize that everyone thinks they already know how you are and how you're feeling. notice i said they THINK. they might have seen or talked to you everyday, and people on the other side don't understand that the spouse may need as much support as the soldier. yeah people are pretty ignorant, which is why i hate going back to mine & my husband's hometown. they think him being in afghanistan is "cool" and are completely disrespectful. but that doesnt mean you need to take it so personally. you being a stay at home mom is your choice, but you could also choose to find your own niche and get out there and do something. keeping yourself locked up in the house isnt going to help you in any way at all. you'll find that there are people out there who care, but they're not going to come searching for you, you have to go searching for them. i wouldnt call you selfish because as a military wife i understand, but i also know that i can't expect people to feel sorry for me. people look at the wives and say "she knew what she was getting into". as the soldier, your husband will get all the attention, and that's something every army wife should expect. now that he's out of the army you need to find your own way.

i'm sorry i can't say that i have been in your shoes... and i'm not even in a similar circumstance...however, my fiance has been in germany for a half a year now and has some how not had to serve any tours yet.. but often times i think the spouses/family of the military are overlooked.. you definately are not being selfish.. i guess no one really sees or thinks about how many nights you spend crying wishing your loved one could be there with you or that at various holidays he just may not be around not to mention you always have to be so positive about everything just for the sake of your husband and to keep his moral up.. i guess all i can tell you is be patient get out and go to parks and things with your baby.. explore your surroundings, i'm sure the fact that its his hometown isn't helping anything bc you constantly have ppl coming up to you and say ' wow it must have been rough for him', and never acknowledging the fact that yes it was hard for him but it was hard for his family too!if you need something to do or someone to talk to in yourprocess of finding out the new place your in... feel free to email me!

Don't worry everything will get better! :)

Oh and THANKS for being your soldiers anchor to real life so that he could fight for our freedoms..i know the spouses don't hear that nearly enough

You sound like a wonderful wife, and mother, he must really love you. All through history Soldiers coming home from war, has done this. It is good that he does talk about it with friends, you might ask him to visit the Veterans Hospital and get checked for PTSD. This is the best way of stopping the problem before it becomes one.

As for yourself find hobbies when not busy, always try not to have to much idle time. Take time out and go to church, that is a great placce to start making friends. Watch the News paper for soical activeties in your area, this another way to make friends.

You need to form your own life. Is there a way you can get a job, maybe part time or something? Perhaps take some classes or something. You need to start getting out and meeting people. I am an army wife, I don't live on post (hate on post housing). Everytime we PCS I get a job and start forming "my life". It's not that I don't love my husband and I do my part as an army wife, but I need an identity of my own, other than somebody's wife or somebody's mother.

Then you will develop relationships that are not so "husband" or "child" oriented.

You need to tell your husband about it and get to the family readiness center on the nearest base.

You have had two periods of separation. Reconnecting is sometimes difficult. This is common. You guys could benefit from going to counselors on base. You need help talking ot each other. Your expectations about him not wanting to talk about it, and you not engaging him on the subject may be making him feel just as shut out. So you guys need help talking to each other.

You had to go through somethng too, granted it was not combat. But that doesn't mean it did not affect you.

Good luck.

I'm sorry that I don't have any good advice to give you, but I just wanted to send some big hugs your way. As the wife of a deployed sailor, I know how it feels when everyone asks "have you heard from him, how's he doing?" and they never ask how we are holding up. I'm sending prayers and positive thoughts your way and I hope things get better for you!

Every dog has his day and this is one of them. It seems that you feel you are being neglected, try to participate and interact with the others maybe there are in the same position as you are.