Women don't seem to want to approach men. However, if they like a guy, they seem to drop him "hints". True?

Well, in my case I just went ahead and asked him out. (I guess it worked, since we've been together for over a decade.) Anyway, obviously it's not TOTALLY out of the question.

I don't know why other women don't like to make the first move. I've heard a few guys say that it's a turn off for women to ask them out, so maybe that's part of it. Probably just has to do with sticking to gender roles and all that.

Most girls, though... well, some drop hints. This can be anything from smiling at you and touching your arm to playing stupid 4th grade "I hate you" games. I also know a few who figure that if you're not making the first move, you must not be interested, so they just move on to someone else. It really varies a lot. Your best bet is, if you like a girl, try dropping some hints yourself. Smile at her, tell her she looks nice, ask if she has a boyfriend. See how she reacts. If she smiles and flirts back, take that as a green light.

Edit: I expect you'll ask me the same question, so, I honestly don't remember who paid. (It was over 10 years ago.) I THINK we went dutch. But I might have paid his way, too. Over the course of our relationship, that kind of thing has never been a big deal. Whoever has money pays. It all evens out.

Edit 2: You're right, she knows exactly why you're asking. However, it's a way to express interest without facing direct rejection. If she does have a boyfriend, you know you're outta luck. If she is single but not interested, she can say "No, but I don't really want to be with anyone right now", and you'll get the hint, but it won't be as humiliating as having her actually turn you down for a date. If she is interested, then of course you're good to go.

I would suggest asking this question AFTER you have already flirted back and forth for a bit, and have a decent idea of what her answer will be. I'm not suggesting that you use it as a conversation starter or anything. ;-)

I asked 90% of the guys I dated out. I mean, I just asked them - "do you wanna go to lunch/dinner/whatever?" And, I asked some if I could kiss them... after a first or second date... I'm sort of blunt like that, but in a good way.

On the other hand if I feel like flirting, I'll do it... and there's that whole non verbal communication thing going on. Depends on my mood though. But I won't tell everyone my secrets now... ;-)

EDIT - Disagree all you want. We both know you're about a decade younger than me, so I will not ask. I'm not a cradle robber.

WOW - 1 out of 100 000. I knew I was special. So, when do you want to come by and open some pickle jars for me, sweetie?

;-)

Its a good indicator for self confidence and a commitment to go after what a person wants. If a girl truly doesn't approach a guy she would like to get to know for some 'dating rule' or because of fear of public opinion....you don't want her. She is too caught up in herself or the outside world to be able to be 'real' with you...

As for dropping hints, yes, I'm sure some do. But that goes back to my first point...still a fear to go out on a limb. And those people go nowhere fast in this world. Risks like this won't kill you - and obviously, they don't think the payoff is worth the risk.

Yes, that's true for many women, won't say the same for most or all. And I do think that it could be for fear of rejection, fear of being judged, cultural "standards" or individual reasons, such as personality, feeling shy, etc.

Where I'm from (Cadiz, Andalucia), many "proper" women do not approach men first... but give him a look and a shy smile (or other subtle gestures) as an indication that she is interested. Men are supposed to be dominant (initiators), while women are to be followers (the Gitano views on male/female roles in courting and relationships).

Here in the States it is more flexible, I think that women can be (but many are not) more open and direct without being as judged as in some other cultures which still maintain their traditional "ethics" and gender roles. Though that's not to say that even here, there aren't people who still maintain some traditional views.

As for myself, both apply - approach people or give them hints, each depends on how easygoing and like-able the person seems to me, or my mood on a given day.

I won't approach people who appear to be tight-asses, overly dramatic or snobbish. But do approach individuals who attract me for various reasons... and sometimes give hints, particularly when unsure if they are occupied or in the mood to talk.

Yes ,, a woman will drop hints in order to promote the guy in making the "first move". She will do this "especially" if she does not want to openly make the 'first-move' - and she wants the man to make the 'first-move' .. she may drop hints.

In this era - lots and lots of women are not shy - and the woman making the first move is absolutely possible.

It "all" depends on the individual woman --- each woman is different with what she does, and how she does it.

Yes women drop hints, often intentionally, but you have to pay much attention to notice them.

Personally, I used to think the same. I tried to talk to the guys, to smile, etc. Never asked them out. That is, until recently. I med a guy a year ago, and I liked him right away. We became close, because I always talked to him, he was always near me and so on, somehow everything felt right. For some months we kind of ceased contact, but after some time, after the winter holiday greeting period :), I decided to make the first move(s). He hinted he would like to meet me alone, I asked him out. And did my best to make it a good date :)

So, in some circumstances the woman makes the move. But it very much depends on the context and personality. For instance, I was not at all convinced that we'll end up together or anything. I was sort of asking myself whether that was a date or not. Later, he told me he had not perceived it as a date when he left home. However, he kissed me (insisted :) ) and pf course we are now together.

The point is - women sometimes ask men out. Or, if not, do anything but ask the direct question. I am sure you've seen this - woman smiles, laughs at all stupid jokes, touches, compliments,...it's like asking you to ask her on a date. She probably won't do it herself because she wants to feel desired and wants the man to try harder. By being the one asked out, she is in control. Plus, yes, the gender prescriptions, social perception... But if it's serious, and she really wants the man, she'll take the matter in her hands :)

ANSWER to subsequent question:

we each paid our share. we always do that. I always do that, no matter who i go out with. satisfied? :D

I drop hints- I'm afraid of rejection. Of course if I have the wrong end of the stick, I usually pass it off as just being friendly or joking around. (its the whole rejection thing again)

Smiling, Laughing at their jokes, a "come -hither" look (that you can pass off as being to someone else) these are all hints. Personally I prefer to just make conversation, and be friendly. If he's interested, hopefully he'll make the first move. If not, Oh well.

Some women will not allow themselves to approach ordinary men, because they think they are too good for that.. Some will approach men if they are rich, famous, or particularly attractive physically. Others will approach men if they genuinely find him appealing.

Please note that some women really would like to approach men, but do not have any confidence as well. They are afraid of rejection just like men. But most physically attractive women do not have to approach men, because many men have already approached them. SO they drop hints. But most men would not recognize such hints if they hit them on their behinds.

Not always, men aren't always great at reading 'hints':

'Research finds that guys have trouble reading non-verbal cues and often mistake a friendly smile to mean sexual interest.

More often than not, guys interpret even friendly cues, such as a subtle smile from a gal, as a sexual come-on, and a new study discovers why: Guys are clueless.

More precisely, they are somewhat oblivious to the emotional subtleties of non-verbal cues, according to a new study of college students.

"Young men just find it difficult to tell the difference between women who are being friendly and women who are interested in something more," said lead researcher Coreen Farris of Indiana University's Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences. '

Ugh, I always seem to get clueless ones who have no idea I am dropping hints, so I end up just asking them.

Then they go, "Oh that was a HINT?"

*clunk*