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bonding with my baby???
I am a mother of 2 beautiful children. My daughter is 15 months old & we got pregnant with her by accident, but I was thrilled. The day I had her was the best day of my life. 18 1/2 hrs of labor(3 was straight pushing) it was all worth it when they layed her on my tummy. My heart felt so big. I loved her so much and took charge. I kept her with me at all times the 2 days I was there. We planned the second baby & I was excited when my son arrived in this world. 4 hrs labor(& only 3 pushes) they put him on my tummy & he started to turn blue. They worked on him but had to rush him to the NICU where he spent a week. I left the hospital after 2 days. I walked out w/o my baby. Now that he's home I am not bonded with him. I am breastfeeding & I thought that would help. Tonight I looked down & started crying because he looked up at me & I felt guilty. Why haven't I bonded with him. I love him with all my heart but it's not the same as my daughter. What's wrong with me & how do I fix it?
I know I love him, but I don't feel like he's mine. I don't talk to him and make those silly faces like I did with my daughter. I feel different towards him. When he cries I change him and feed him & put him back in his crib.
When he turned blue it killed me. They had tubes all over him & one down his nose & my heart broke. I was there from the time the doors opened till night everyday. I helped change him & feed him but the nurses told me when and how often(they wouldn't let me breastfeed) I don't know if thats the reason I feel this way because It started out different or because I am so busy with my daughter & the house. If I hold him too long I feel bad for her. There is not enough of me.
7 Answers
- Fenway♥GeorgeLv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
Pleas don't be so hard on yourself...You have just had this little one so you are feeling a boat load of emotions anyway (hormones are on screech).... Give it time, I don't doubt for a second that you love this ltitle one..... Please don't get down on yourself... Just enjoy being a mommy :) Prayers being sent your way...
**another thing that may help is: (even though he is little still) sit down and just quietly have a heart to heart talk with him and apologize and let him know how much you love him.
- Anonymous5 years ago
He needs to get over it, it isn't about him it is about the best interest of the baby. Breastmilk is best. Feeding a baby that young a bottle can cause nipple confusion.I think your BIL may be exaggerating. I find it a little hard to believe that mom is holding baby 23 hours and 40 minutes a day or feeding her 24 times a day (if baby eats every hour). I BF my daughter for the first year. She is now 20 months and is well bonded with dad and they do great. I would advise him to hang in there. As baby gets a few more weeks under her belt she won't need to eat as much. The novelty of BF'ing will wear off. When baby is closer to 6-8 weeks it will be okay to introduce maybe 1 feeding a day with the bottle. Also there are other ways to bond besides feeding - Bathing, rocking, dressing, holding when sleeping.
- 1 decade ago
Do you think you may be having some kind of subconscious guilt or possibly trauma from your son "turning blue" and having to suddenly be in the NICU? You could be going through postpartum depression, as well. Maybe you should talk to your doctor and possibly see about getting in a session with a counselor and seeing if it helps? Or, if you need to, maybe you should get on an antidepressant.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Nothing is "wrong" with you so get that out of your head !! A lot of mothers who has had these kinds of experiences go through what your going through . To get some bonding in besides just breast feeding is to have skin to skin cuddle time . Sounds silly but sometimes works . It wouldn't hurt . Just don't give up cause I am sure you two will have your moment of bonding yet !!
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- 1 decade ago
i felt the same with my second boy, it felt quite wird to feel that way and some times even now (he is 7) i feel a bit gulty when i think about it. try to relax it is normal to feel different with each child and if you didnt love him and have a bond with him you would not be feeding him. it sounds like you have a bit of the baby blues which is totally normal but if you feel like this in a week or so have a chat to the health nurse or dr. but trust in your self and it will get easier, congrats and good luck
- Anonymous1 decade ago
What makes you say that you are NOT bonded with him?
You say that you love him with all your heart... so how exactly is it that you think you haven't bonded?
I read your additional response... and these are signs/symptoms of Post-partum depression... lack of interest in the baby... or feeling as if he is not yours... Please tell this to your OB and ask about treatment for post-partum depression... Do not delay because if untreated it can progress further... if you feel that you want to harm your baby, please let someone else watch him and go for treatment.
- 1 decade ago
i think that's every mothers fear. some babies personalities you just get along with better, because think of it, theyr'e human like everybody else. :) it don't mean that you don't love him, it just means you guys need extra time together. :)
