Is it worth it to try to "repair" my relationship with my dad?

Im sorry that your going through this Ms.Greta... I know how u feel though... Im in a similar situation with my dad.. but my parents are still together but hes also an alcoholic. Even though theyre still together it seems like he doesnt care about me or my mom with all the things he does.. Like spend all his money on him and his drinking buddies. Yet when he's in a bind goes running to my mom... what bothers me is my dad's dad(note I NEVER said my grandfather was also a prick to my dad.. so you would think my dad would want to be different...but he's chosen alcohol over me and my mom.. )

But youre his daughter so Im sure he does care for you. No matter what youll need a father figure in your life. Note it doesnt have to be an actual father.. it could be an uncle.. grandfather etc.. But if your in heart you feel its best to forget about it then prove to him that you and your mom are just fine without him... remember it takes a man to be a father =) Good Luck I hope everything turns out ok for u!!

No. No, no, no, no. Just NO. First of all, if that were true then there would be no single mothers OR single fathers, no need for child support, no deadbeat parents and no absentee parents. Children don't cement a relationship - EVER. The only way to "cement" a relationship is for the two people involved in it to completely commit to each other, forsaking all others, to share mutual love and respect, and to have no desire to ever be with anyone else ever again. A child is a blessing, and the icing on the cake. Besides, any woman who gets pregnant for the sole purpose of keeping her man around is getting pregnant for the WRONG reason, and the child will be the one to suffer for it. Perhaps a decent guy will stick around out of duty to the CHILD, but certainly not out of duty to the woman. And why on earth would you even WANT a man who only stayed because of the child? Why wouldn't you want him to stay because of YOU? And not everyone sees having a baby as a "lifelong commitment". I personally know a woman whose husband left her when she was four months pregnant, came back after the baby was born, got her pregnant again and then left again, at four months pregnant. He has since signed over rights to his children and has never made an attempt to be in their lives again. The world is unfortunately full of people exactly like him.

Wow, I read all these answers and I'm like, wow!

First off, your dad didn't ruin your life, Greta. You went through some hardships, but remain intact and let me just say, NO ONE can ruin your life, but you! Please, don't ever allow yourself to buy into that role of victim!

I see no harm in realizing you are dealing with someone who has mental/addiction problems when dealing with your dad, that he is not all that you want him to be and continuing to love him anyway because people do change over time and there may be a day when he surprises you. IF you do not give up on him.

Give up and well, that is that.......

But, please, do keep yourself in check and know that there will be disappointments and expect them beforehand. Only you can decide if those disappointments are worth your time.

HOWEVER, there are lines we must all draw in life:

we will not allow others to cause repeated and severe disruptions in our life.

we will not allow others to physically harm us.

we will not allow others to damage us financially beyond what we can reasonably endure.

we will not accept being stolen from.

we will not accept repeated demeaning and humiliation.

we will not allow our loved ones to be put in harm's way at the hands of another even if we also love that other person.

Good luck. I do hope everything works out for you!

It may seem hard but i think you should stay open minded about this one eventually people grow up and they change. Have you ever thought that maybe he wanted nothing to do with you because he was ashamed or embarrassed. On the other hand there are some damages that can never be undone no matter how hard you try. Above all else though make sure you take care of yourself first and don't beat yourself up over it. It was not you that has done anything wrong.

Aw Sweetie! This is a really tough situation. I have had similar problems with my mother. She has had many mental problems and we have always had our ups and downs.

Honestly, from the information that you gave, it might be better to let your father be. At least, for the time being. It doesn't seem like he has any plans of changing his ways anytime soon. He is still have alcoholism problems and still in toxic relationships. It will be really hard to get through to him right now and it might even make you feel worse.

This may sound cheesy but you should try writing him a letter telling him everything that you feel. It might be easier to say everything you want to say in a letter then in person. That way you could get everything off your chest without being interrupted. This way you know that you did what you could. You let him know how you feel and told him that you would still want a relationship with him. In the end, it is really difficult to get through to someone if they don't want to change.

Greta, I grew up much without ever the benefit of knowing my dad. My mom was young but she did the best that she could. So, in hopes a better life for me, she continued to live with her parents until I was the age of 13. When she moved out I ended staying and allowed my grandparents to continue to raise me. My grandfater died when I was 18 and I was devistated, I lost my true "father". The man who raised me. I never really missed the sprem donor because I was filled with so much other love in all aspects of my life. I made a last ditch attempt to contact him, when I graduated high school I wrote a letter to my "paternal" grandmother and never heard back. Was I bitter? Nope! not at all. I merely put closure to any possiblity that that aspect of my life might hold for me.

Honey, if there is nothing you feel that your life is lacking then it probably isnt. I would let it go. From all the questions I have read of yours, of all the answers since we have been contacts for over a year, you strike me as a bright articulate talented sweet young woman. You deserve to be treated better, and if anyone should "repair" this relationship, it isn't you, it is man who donated his sperm. You, believe me, will truly be better off in the long run.

Baby girl, I know this has had to be hard on you, But Let's go back, and see what the word of God tell us, He said to Honor your Father and your Mother, that your days on earth may be longer. He did not put an "excuse" in there for us, He did not say, just the good Fathers and Mothers .So, I take it as{ALL}. The good, The bad, and the ugly. So, follow the Word and you will never go wrong. Then you will have peace about it also. As you will know then, That you have done all you can.to reslove this. God bless you ,on this troublesome jounery of decisions. .and too finding peace.

All you can do is try. It may or may not work, but at least you will have that peace inside you that you did try. If something should happen to your Dad, you won't have to worry about not trying to repair your relationship with your Dad.

It's not about having a relationship with him. That probably wouldn't work out very well considering the hurt & pain he has caused you & your Mom. It's just about forgivness. Good luck to you and God bless. Peace n Smiles :~}

Does he still drink? Well it is obvious by your description where your father's priorities are and it doesn't seem as though they're with you.

I stopped talking to my dad when I was 12. 25 years later and various trials of trying to repair our relationship, I've come to learn that my father will never change. He is who he is. And even though I don't like part of him, I have to decide whether or not to accept him as he is, or go my separate way. Right now, I am struggling with the thought of letting go 'again'. You can only try so often. My father has a tendency of not being accountable for his own actions, and always trying to put blame on others.

Hon, it's up to you on whether or not you can accept the "convenient" times that he allows, or you can just move on with your life without him. If he is making you miserable, depressed, stressed out, then may be taking a different road without him is best for you and your well being. Know what I mean? Yes we are suppose to honor thy mother and father, but they are not to provoke us either. You have to do what's best for you and for your entire environment.

I think I'm going to take my own advice. So far, for the past almost year, I've been just small talking to my father here and there. No big conversation because if I allow that, I know he's just going to get negative, or mention my mother again, or spew off something that I don't like, and I'm tired of being angry, or stressed out when it comes to him. I tolerate my step mother, but she can still stress me out. Sometimes they make me feel guilty, even though I have nothing to feel guilty about. Know what I mean? Has your dad done that to you? It drives me nuts. So in order to sustain my sanity, I'm thinking long and hard about what I want to do too. Just like you are. It's hard too. There is so much more I can tell you, but I know you are needing probably a direct straight answer rather than babbling from another cyber person. LOL But seriously, you have to think about what is best for you and your well being. Once you decide on that, just stick with it and take care of you. OK? I wish you well hon. I certainly feel your pain and struggle.

Wow. I can totally understand where you are coming from, though my situation is a bit different and I will NEVER speak to my dad again. In your case, though, I say you should at least try. That's all you can do. You can't make him change, so try to remember that before you try to renew your relationship. I honestly believe family counseling is a great idea for you guys, if he is willing to go. Somehow, I doubt he will. I will wish you the best and I will be thinking of you. Good luck!