Ideas for planning an atheist funeral?

I'm sorry about your loss.

But you know what makes the most wonderful funeral, regardless of your beliefs about religion?

A funeral should be a celebration of your life, instead of a time of mourning. Sure, people will miss you (including most of us from R&S), but you want people's last memories of you to be warm and funny ones.

So, pick out the most outrageous outfit you can tolerate, and have that designated as your funeral clothes (write the instructions someplace where a trusted person will know where to find them). At my brother's funeral last week, he was buried in his Civil War costume - as a Christian, we believe that the Dead in Christ will rise, and I can't wait to see his reaction when he realizes which outfit he's wearing!! Someone is going to think he's a bona fide Union soldier!

Also, I know you know how to make a great YouTube Video, so what about putting together a video about you and what you want people to remember about you? It's okay to brag on yourself at that point.

Another memorable thing is to have a co-worker, a friend from an organization, and hopefully one of your online friends, share some funny stories about you at your funeral. My sister in law, neice and nephew all wrote letters, which were read, and between the crew at work, church, and immediate family it allowed all of us to learn things about my brother we did not know before.

Let people remember you with a smile and kind memories.

And, I hope that we are talking a LONG time from now!!!

The idea that I had for my own (I'm a cancer survivor who has actually planned my own funeral out in advance--thankfully those plans don't appear to be needed right now) was to make it a celebration of my life.

The same pastor who oversaw my wedding is a rare man: So long as respect is shown for the religious, he has no trouble seeing to the wishes of disbelievers. While every single person in attendance at my wedding knows I'm an Atheist, I still wanted the pastor to lead a prayer for the rest of my family--nearly all of which hold a Christian denomination. He did it very well: "The bride and groom have requested a moment of prayer for those who would like to participate..." and the moment went on. I spoke with him about overseeing my funeral, and having the same sort of consideration. He agreed, and had several suggestions for making that happen. This way any prayers said for me were by the choice of those offering the prayer. The funeral itself would fit me for who I was, yet allow the survivors to be who they are and deal with things in their own way.

The way I see a funeral is a comfort for the people who loved you. I say let them plan have a minister over see it if it makes them feel better. My wife passed a few years ago. she was not atheist but not real religious either but I had her fathers minister do the funeral etc. It comforted those that need that sort of thing and did not effect my beliefs any.

Also my children are baptized. My mother was so concerned about them not being baptized I said go ahead and baptize them. It did not change who they are and it made my mother feel better. Of course I did not participate. Everyone deals with death differently you won't know the difference let them have there ceremonies if they want.

My wife said she would feel like a hypocrite if she had a religious ceremony when I die. I said it won't matter whatever makes her feel better. Hope this helps

I'm going to have a State run funeral so that everyone can see that I am really dead when they walk by my casket in the State rotundra. There will be flowers and tons of people crying... "Who did you say this person was?" It would be nice to have a Jazz Band play, but there might be some complaints from the State saying that a Jazz Band isn't recognized by any State but Lousianna. After the viewing I would like to have my friends and others come to a wake where they will play ring toss using my staff of life as the "thing" to toss the ring at. Then after everyone is good and blitzed I'll go to the next party. Maybe float myself in the punch bowl, face down. And a good time will be had by all.

We tackled this issue a year and a half ago when my father died a few weeks short of his 99th birthday. He was a life long atheist, as are my brother and I and all of our kids and grand kids.

We planned a memorial service for him about a month after he died and was cremated. My brother and I spoke as did three of our four kids. We all did the same thing, but different; we shared our memories of dad, complete with funny anecdotes, stories, lessons learned, and whatnot. We read some letters from friends who could not attend. It was a sad and solemn occasion but not without its moments of levity, exactly as dad would've wanted it. We had joked in the days leading up to it that if god had been mentioned dad would have come back to haunt us forever.

After the service we served light refreshments including coffee ice cream - dad's favorite - and other snacks. This was all held in the common room of the assisted living / life care facility where he spent his last years, in rural Connecticut.

When the guests left we drove over to a local park where we had scattered mom's ashes years before and put dad's ashes in the same stream. (The funeral director who took care of the cremation told us that it's legal to scatter ashes pretty much anywhere on public land.) We said a few last goodbyes and that was that.

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.

I'm torn on funeral services, I think that they are a good time to help people work through their grief but I'd also like them to remember to be happy about being alive.

Perhaps a time of remembrance, when people are encouraged to tell stories about the funny, nice, things that you did or how you touched their lives.

I don't think that it is an appropriate time to mention religion or the after life (or lack of it). But, if there are friends from various religions, perhaps they could sing a deeply moving song from their religions. I would have no problem with having someone sing "it is well with my soul" at my funeral (it has a very bitter-sweet story behind it.)

Of course, once people have had a chance to be solemn and sorrowful, I'd like them to party, laugh, tell jokes and commit consistent acts of kindness.

I guess the point is, your funeral (or mine) is not about us, it's about those that remain and to help them get over any grief that they have.

Edit:

Hold the phone! We've seen it in the movies, but a recording of you telling your friends and loved ones that you love them and to be at peace with your passing might be a good touch.

Honestly? If it's your funeral, let them have their prayer service and religious burial.

You're an atheist. You don't believe anything happens after death, so what happens once you're in that coffin shouldn't be extremely important to you.

But to your family and friends, who are mourning, the consolation that a religious service can bring psychologically is of great benefit.

You could tell them to have a party. Play "pin the beak on the finch" or something(yes, I know evolution does not equal atheism). Request that no one wear black (I'm doing that one). Just don't forbid religious expression to those whom it will be of great benefit in such a time.

Unfortunately this has been a big topic around my house this last year...

My sister -- an atheist -- died in December.

My mother and grandmother -- both Christians -- are fading quickly now...my father and I have been pulling their wishes into a done deal this week.

I liked my sisters: She was cremated and everyone gathered at the grave site for her internment. She asked her favorite spiritual leader -- who happened to be a former pastor of my parents church (with a great voice) -- to read her favorite poem. That was it.

Officially, I have asked my partner to have me cremated and then scatter my ashes on the Pacific and Atlantic oceans -- preferably in California and Florida (my two favorite places in the world). While I am a demanding putz, I figure it will give him a good excuse to go on a nice vacation.

My partner has asked for a Buddhist ceremony and an interment of his ashes with his parents in the family plot.

We planned a memorial service for him about a month after he died and was cremated. My brother and I spoke as did three of our four kids. We all did the same thing, but different; we shared our memories of dad, complete with funny anecdotes, stories, lessons learned, and whatnot. We read some letters from friends who could not attend. It was a sad and solemn occasion but not without its moments of levity, exactly as dad would've wanted it. We had joked in the days leading up to it that if god had been mentioned dad would have come back to haunt us forever.

If I was an atheist, Id have a funeral by a running stream, to remind everyone that life is always flowing.

And there would be sunshine and open air.

And flowers, lots and lots of flowers, not for me, but for those who honored me by coming to my funeral.

Flowers as gifts. Chocolates too.

And someone to read the following poem by Christina Rosetti: 'When I am dead my dearest'

When I am dead, my dearest,

Sing no sad songs for me;

Plant thou no roses at my head,

Nor shady cypress tree:

Be the green grass above me

With showers and dewdrops wet;

And if thou wilt, remember,

And if thou wilt, forget.

I shall not see the shadows,

I shall not feel the rain;

I shall not hear the nightingale

Sing on, as if in pain:

And dreaming through the twilight

That doth not rise nor set,

Haply I may remember,

And haply may forget.