what is a effective alternative to nagging?

Ignoring them, stop doing for them, but you don't do it either.

My huband would never put his dirty clothing in the laundry basket, so I kicked them into the corner and wouldn't do his laundry unless his stuff was in the basket. He ran out of socks and jocks, he soon learned to put his stuff in the basket, this is just one example.

Edit,

You could try writing him a letter or text or email??

First off, its great that you're trying to figure out healthier ways to communicate. However, and I don't mean this to be rude in any way, but Yahoo! Answers may not be the best place to ask this sort of question since most people don't take them seriously. There are a lot of books that have a bunch of great ideas and exercises.

Although, if you're not having any real trouble and you're just looking for advice, no problem! A good idea is to remember, he's your partner! Sit down with him and let him know what you need. Don't forget to ask him like you were asking a friend for a favor. A lot of married couples fall into the rut of "You need to run the vacuum" as opposed to "Could you run the vacuum for me, honey?" Another thing is that if its something you can do together, its much better to do it that way. Like if you're trying to fix something; one person can get tools and the other can use them. That's a terrible example, but it works. And also, casually throwing in what you're pitching in helps as well; such as "I'm going to do the laundry, could you pick up dinner?" And don't forget that compromising is always viable. Like if he really doesn't want to get dinner, ask him to do laundry while you get dinner. Now, if he doesn't want to do either, you may have a little trouble. But always keep in mind that there's the possibility that he's doing things to pitch in that he's not telling you or you're not noticing; and that he may not be noticing the things you do without telling him. I hope that helped a little! Good luck!!

I ask nicely, it works half the time. I feel horrible nagging too.

Nagging is draining for both parties.

How about asking nicely if you need something done.

Talk to him, don't nag. Have quiet time with out the tv or other distractions, sit him down and talk to him.

try talking civil nagging gets ppl know where fast

you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

let him come to you. Considering you've nagged, it may take a while. no one wants to hear that.

you get more flies with honey than with vinegar, honey.

talk nice. treat others as you want to be treated.

Go on strike. Seriously, this works. Just ask my wife. Dont clean, cook, no sex, or what ever duties you have. Be yourselve but dont be a housewife for awhile. Gets my attention at home.

Oh jeez! Have you people never heard of marriage counseling?

He is not listening when you tell him to do something.

And you are not listening when he tells you he won't do it.

OR: he's afraid to tell you he won't do it, and simply doesn't do it instead. Not constructive in the long run, but in the short run, it gets a shrew out of his face.

You both need counseling.

Write a list down of evrytihg you need done and set a deadline. Make sure you havea copy for yourself.