Help Me With My Poem?

i like it, but I agree where you left off it weird. if youre talking about lightning dancing for a person (whom u seem to love) you should go on to say that maybe one day you could be like the lightning or something. and they'd give u some attention.

This particular work fades at the end. There should be something in the middle like this:

As the temperatures cools, clouds roll across the sky

With sounds of thunder like the fourth of July

The dunes are illuminated as lightning fills the sky

With the visual appearance of the fourth of July

You can run for cover so the lightning won't hit cha

Or stand there and smile while God takes your picture

Some people are afraid at this time, some think it's nice

Most of us never hope lightning strikes the same place twice

Messed up tying to get to you , love your poem , love storms

take some of the and's the's and as's out it's not proper English it's feeling, such as " great drums,,,"

And The thunder rolling ..... people will hear it you don't have to tell them to listen

As the sands sweep

Watch with sparks n your eyes

Hope I can be understood not every computer savvy and tried to put you poem up so I could quote it better

Taking those little unnecessary words out makes the poem more dramatic and lightening is very dramatic

Question; I always thought of Storm colors being greens purples blues blacks, but browns???

Email if you need me theresethais@yahoo.com

I like it but to be honest...Id say be more simple with some of the wording. The first line gave me the impression that it would be written in verse. I can't put my finger on why, but I was a little disappointed that it wasn't. But that is just a first line. I have more of the Edgar Allen Poe taste in poetry and yours is a modern style which is fine. I would definitely love to see the same poem but with uniformity in syllables. But that is only because I am geared more toward the classical style.

luke, that is a really good poem, and i don't think that you need to change ANYTHING about it.