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NS asked in Pregnancy & ParentingPregnancy · 1 decade ago

Need help with family stress! any advice or suggestions please?

My husband and i married 6 months ago and now I am 5 months pregnant. My widowed F-I-L claims that he is ecstatic about having his grandchild and so he came to visit us and spend couple of weeks. But now it seems like he has plans to permanently stay with us. My husband and i live in one bedroom apartment and don't want to move to another apartment as we are moving to texas in 6 months. So FIL is spread in the living room. I am disturbed with this living situation on permanent basis and especially when my baby comes, its going to be crowded. I asked my mom to come stay with me and help me recover and with my baby. Now i dont want him to stay here and will never want my mom and him in one house. My husband understands this but he thinks he can't ask his father to move out or leave as he is his only son but he said he will discuss with his sisters and have them take him for few weeks while my mom is here. The other problem i have with him is his behaviour towards me.

Update:

He makes sarcastic comments to me all the time, if i am lying down becoz i have pain or if i am tired, he keeps on telling me how lazy i am. He expects me to baby sit him all the time and take him along to grocery stores or wherever i go. I feel like i have baby before i delivered one. If i ignore him and continue with my things, he gets upset and throw tantrums in front of my husband and says he feels that i dont like him. I need my space and i just don't want him on my head all day. I work M-F, i cook for us, i clean, and i deserve to relax and do as i please on weekends. I dont want to stress about his comments so i try to ignore what he says and keeps my talks with him to minimum level. I am hurt because he is emotionally hurting me but saying mean things like this is his son's house, or like how i can't cook like his wife used to. He criticizes everything i do. My husband knows this and he feels bad for me. He tried to talk to his dad

Update 2:

and his father blew up the entire conversation by saying that are u asking me to leave, i thought my son cares for me, i will leave if u dont want me here and all that. My husband felt emotionally blackmailed and ignored the conversation. Now FIL is talking nice with my husband and tries to be nice to me in my husband's presence but he is mean to me whenever my husband is not around. How do i get rid of him? Please help. I honestly dont want him to stay with us forever. we r newly weds and baby on the way, we have enough to adjust to. Please help

10 Answers

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  • MAGS
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    ultimatum time

    your husband feels loyal to his father but has to realise that you and your unborn are his main family now

    his father had that relationship with his wife and i'm sure he would not have entertained anyone inveigling his way between him and his wife

    he is behaving in an appalling manner and your husband has to make a stand now and defend you

    you should not be subjected to this kind of abuse especially not when pregnant and are emotionally unstable anyway

    this is your family home and it is overcrowded

    it is not your job to entertain this man

    you need to rest and take care of himself

    if he does stay take none of his crap

    make it plain you will accept no criticism spoken or unspoken

    if he doesn't like it he knows what he can do

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    I have 2 sisters with bi-polar and it sounds like that. Also, even more it sounds like depression. My mom and both sisters have that. It can tear a family apart. It made me move out of the house and live with my grandma when I was a teen. My mom got divorced too. The complaining, the yelling, the so called "stress" gets VERY exaggerated with depression. She needs to get some help before she gets worse. When you confront her about it, do it gently and with tons of love and support. She is hurting inside and needs you although she is pushing you away. Good luck.

  • Stephanie
    1 decade ago

    Your husband needs to step in and explain to his Dad that although he loves him and has enjoyed his visit he needs to get ready to go home. Period. If you FIL chooses to be a baby and leaves in a huff let him. After he gets home your husband should act like nothing ever happened and continue on. If FIL continues to be a baby that is his problem.

  • wife and mommy
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    You say he tried talking to his dad....He didn't try hard enough.

    When you two got married, you vowed to put one another ahead of everyone else, even your parents.

    I think you and your husband need to get together, decide what needs to be done (getting FIL out of the house is a must; he isn't respectful and he has totally overstayed his welcome.)

    That is your home, too and you deserve to relax in and not be abused and taken for granted... And you need to NOT be stressed.

    Your husband needs to realize that he can stand up to hi dad even though he is his only son.

    Please remind him that you are his only wife.

    Source(s): I was married 5 months ago and am four months pregnant. My husband and I are number one on each others list of important people.
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  • Blue Haired Old Lady
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Tell you husband to explain to his father that a visit does not stretch into weeks and the FIL needs to go back home. Don't even let him think he is going to stay.

  • MOM OF ONE
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    simple. pack his bags and ask him to leave. He was fine before he came there and will be fine after he leaves. Tell your husband DAD MUST GO! If he doesn't back you then HE AND DAD MUST GO! This baby comes first! period! Everyone needs to step up to the plate and take this baby seriously. He or she is about to be born and is not going to be wanting bedlam in the house. KICK HIS BUTT OUT! GOOD LUCK :) BE STRONG!

  • jupiter
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    seriously ask your husband to help... ask him to leave in a way that won't offend him... maybe have him talk to his sisters so they can ask him to go stay with them... then he'd think he's leaving because others want him and not because you don't want him... maybe get together with your husband and his sisters and explain to them the situation... they are women, they'll understand, and maybe can help you out.. if your relationship with them is not really good, then i suggest you stay out of it and let your husband handle this with his sisters... but your husband definitely needs to take care of this...

  • mummy<3's_her_girlies
    1 decade ago

    it is your house if it was me i would ask him to leave it isn't right he should be with you being pregnant am sure u don't feel the house is your own at the min

    i would get your husband to ask him to leave and explain to him that there just isn't enough room for him as its a small apartment he should see that it is uncomfortable for your all

  • dakki n
    1 decade ago

    just nicely tell him that there is'nt enough room since it's a 1 br apt. to begin with....if he's not a total idiot he will understand.

  • vb
    1 decade ago

    throw a fit ...and blame it on hormones later....this sounds like a horrible living situation...id ruun like hell( good luck ....

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