Summer Poem: ( what needs to be changed )?

its a simple poem but for describing what goes on in summer its got everything in their ;p

I think you are trying too hard to rhyme and it is not flowing like a good poem should.

And when you try to rhyme so hard like this it becomes choppy, as if your reciting a line straight from the script with no emotions at all.

I think you need to switch up your style of trying to rhyme and find something that flows. Like your third verse:

"Weather can be very hot

just the same drink alot"

It would sound alot better like this:

"Weather can be scorching hot

Lemonade quenches ones thirst

Makes one forget, the heat of the night

And enjoy the sandy beaches

The water, thirsting for more..."

Adding adjectives helps you describe more of what you see and are feeling, Action verbs also help plenty..and rhyming is not necessary...

you have skill to be a poet. decision of words: 8/10 employer of techniques: 10/10 candy and directly to the element. i'm merely uncertain in case you somewhat meant to apply the be conscious "There". i think of it might desire to be particularly of, bu, who cares, besides? Poem does not inevitably mandatory grammar. great going!

it doesn't really flow, and is kind of choppy.

try to tie the phrases or stanzas together more, if you know what i mean. (don't talk about sunscreen, and then start going on about it raining)

ciao

Nothing for me! It's brilliant!!

Sounds PERFECT as it is Lori!