To those of you who have older parents...?

Am happy to say, I don't have this problem with my parents. They are both in their late 70's. My father walks five miles daily, swims, works out and lifts weights at his "spa". Also plays golf several times a week. Mother does not have great health, However, she is never home. Very active in her church plus several ladies groups. They are the travel directors of the Austin, Texas AARP. Currently, they have taken a large group to New York City. Will be here (Kentucky) over the 4th of July holiday.

For their 50th anniversary, my Sister and I gave them a lovely party at their church reception hall. Three hundred guests. For them, this was perfect. Mom was the center of attention, Dad sat back and smiled.

Hun, I don't know what to say about your parents. I believe many people get very "set in their ways" when they become elderly. They get used to their routines and become comfortable "staying in".

Before you plan a large, expensive event, I suggest having a long talk with your parents. It may be better to take the celebration to them. Make it small with a snacks, a nice cake and gifts. They may enjoy this more.

Wishing you the best!! :)

You can't turn this situation around. They are doing what they feel most comfortable doing. If they feel good at home then leave them be. Instead of trying to get them out and about, why not do some things at their house. Pack a picnic lunch and go to their house and picnic in the back yard. Plan a family party at their house. Help them keep their house in good working order because that is their favorite place to be. So, instead of buying them a cruise ,which is pretty expensive, buy them new e-z chairs or something to make their home more comfortable. My Mom is 91 and she never goes any where at night. She just feels better being home at night. So, we buy her things to make her more comfortable in her on home. We just bought her a new digital TV. I believe they should be where they are most happy.

Put yourself in their place. Their unsteady leg joints, deteriorated vision, and probably incontinence probably make the outside world a scary place.

Perhaps you can have their anniversary party at their home. Try to keep the celebration within the parameters of what they can manage to enjoy. Not too loud, not too long, not too many people, etc. This party is for them so it should take their desires and needs into consideration.

My parents are in their late 70s (78 and 79). Dad loves to party and wants to keep up with the teenagers. Mom prefers to stay home and sit quietly with 1 or 2 guests over a simple meal and deep conversation. It makes for some interesting negotiation when we want to do something together!

I am 72 and my husband is 78. We know the importance of being active.We go out to eat once or twice a week and see a movie or play every week-end. We are active in our condo assoc. and have friends that we see socially. We take 2 cruises a year. Without these activities, we would be depressed and could become Alzheimer's victims.

Perhaps your parents are depressed. Do they have friends to socialize with? They might be happier living in a community for active seniors. There will always be something for them to do. Are they afraid of flying or seasickness? You need to talk to them and get them to tell you exactly what is going on with them. As a nurse, you should be able to do that.

Perhaps they are in their 'comfort zone.' I know my dad is. He drives and gets around town, but it is all familiar to him. He has his daily routine, and he enjoys his home, and his hometown. I can't get him to come visit me a little over 2 1/2 hours alway, even if someone brings him. If your folks are happy with their life, they too may like their routine, and do not care to change it. Make an offer, talk to them about how you can accomodate them, and if all fails, you may have to accept and respect their wishes.

Since my mother died, it was hard to get my father to do anything, he's 81. He's happy to potter around the house and fill his day in his way. He definitely resents being told he has to get out. We don't force him, he has his couple of hours at the club every 2nd Friday with other retired Seamen, and his Wednesday afternoon bowls. I realise he tires easily, and when I'm that old I hope no-one forces me to do anything I don't want just because they're feeling sorry for me. He enjoys me just dropping in for a visit and just sitting in the loungeroom catching up. When he feels like going out, he rings me and I drive him where ever he wants to go. So, just leave them be if they're happy.

My mother is the same way; the world gets bigger and more frightening as she grows more frail. I'm afraid you'll have to take the celebrations to them, although it would do them good to get out of the house. We still take my mother out, but never any place busy or overwhelming any more.

They may have some issues of incontinence or just confusion in strange places that they don't want to tell you about. Good luck.

We tried to take my parents out to dinner for their 50th anniversary. My dad was having many problems and I had to walk with him to the restroom because it was too dark for him to see well. He got confused about dinner and ordered a BLT for his dinner with champagne (which he couldn't have). It was sad for him and for my mom who wore herself out trying to watch out for him in the last couple years of his life. He knew it was a special event though and I guess it was o.k., just not how we would have liked things to be. Makes me really sad to think back on this.

Mybe they are happy and comfortable in their home and don't want to go on cruises, etc.....

Have you ever just asked them what they would like to do instead of perhaps just telling them what you have planned etc......

Are there other issues that you may no know about? Talk to your parents and you may find the answer.

The older you get the more you want to stay near your chair, bed, toilet etc. After all, there is no place like home.