I'm a bridesmaid, one of the bridesmaids lives out of town?

I think that since she cannot attend these events and none of you really know her, you should not ask her to contribute to the events. The best thing to do is to get her e-mail or phone number and introduce yourself and tell her that it's too bad that she lives so far away, you've heard really good things about her and you were looking forward to meeting her before the wedding. Find out if she can attend the shower or the bachelorette party. Let her know that all of the bridesmaids have decided to split the cost of the two events among the 5 of you but you don't want her to be left out and if she is able to make it and wants to be part of the planning process leave her your number and tell her that you will fill her in and make sure she is included but you understand that may not be possible with her so far away.

Ask if she plans on attending any of the pre-wedding festivities, but if she isn't, don't ask for money. Keep her up-to-date, but keep in mind how difficult it is to stay in the loop of things from across country. It's understandable that she is part of the bridal party and should share in the responsibilities, but there's only so much that can be done from across the country. It's a little insensitive to demand money for things she can't even participate in.

I would talk to the bride about it. Since she lives across country she may feel left out, but then again you don't know her financial situation.

it is a nice gesture but a hardship on the folks who have to give up days at work and travel on their dime all the way for a one hour ceremony. Let her off the hook and get someone closer.

invite her...

just tell her what ya'll are planning to do..

and about slitting the costs...

then ask if she'll be able to attend..

she will probably just offer to help..

and you won't even have to ask.