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Indecisive Relationship!?

My bf is married back home. Since he’s working here, he planned to bring his family here. He told me that he has problems with his wife but he cant file a divorce because of his daughter (the law will let the wife keep the child). He loves his daughter! He told me that he had thought of marrying me but he couldn’t work things out.

Last week, I found a conversation of him and his friend which took place in early April, he told his friend that one of the reasons to leave here is to get rid of me. His friend asked him whether or not is because I keep pestering him to marry me, he said yes.

My friends think that I should get money from him, for all the things I have done and this is what I get in return. I made up my mind to get it but last night when I chatted to him, he said that he was very upset about the future cuz he will not be able to see me again. He said that his marriage was one of his biggest regrets. I confronted to him about wanting to getting rid of me but he denied it!

Update:

All of a sudden, all my rage and disappointment just sizzled. I needed this rage to help me get even with this man but why is he doing this to me again?

Questions:

- What does he want from me? Why is he making my life so difficult? Yes, I’m upset but I will go through it from the rage I have, but why does he want to come back and comfort me?

- My friends think that he is only using me as a company, do you think so too? We had a lot of happy times together; do they mean nothing at all?

- Should I even pop the question about the money?

- Should I still wait for this man who has already said that he won’t divorce or will not be able to marry me? I know there are a lot of great guys out there, but he is the first person who made me feel like I’m ready to settle down, he was able to give me the securities.

I really appreciate if you guys can offer a helping hand. I have heard answers from my best friends but I just need more.

Update 2:

I know this is unethically wrong and I know that I'm dumb. But there's this little hope within me. It's not easy to walk away when he keeps manipulating me like this!

I can use the money to give myself a long vacation which i really need. If i want to get even with him, I have ways to do so. Should i even bother about getting even?

Update 3:

He cant get a custody because in his country which starts with an E, this is the law - the children will follow the mother until the age of 12. His daughter is only turning 2!

I never requested for a divorce from him. I just needed a commitment.

Bet he's as sly as a fox!

8 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You gotta be kidding..that dumb? really?

    You don't mess with married men!! You don't marry men who tell their friends your a pest then lie about it..especially when they cheated on their wives with you...i guess you could extort money from him..but it's called blackmail..and is illegal...do yourself a favor and try and grow some morals.

  • ?
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    hi Scorpionbabe, i think of the actual incontrovertible fact which you preserve changing your concepts is which you're actually not being indecisive, yet which you're uncertain. I continually thiink that the previous adage 'while uncertain do not something'is sweet advice. it form of feels that now is not the time to make a severe determination. in case you're doing not something and making no judgements, lol, you may examine your courting, artwork out what's sweet and what's undesirable and notice if there is something you're able to do approximately any problems you have. it may nicely be that not attempting to make a determination you will take tension off your self and issues might make certain themselves clearly. All relationships pass by means of dodgy patches and each so often this is bigger to holiday the hurricane than take a step which you will later remorseful approximately. For the 2nd although, do not think of too some distance forward. the actual incontrovertible fact which you preserve changing your concepts in all probability potential that issues are actually not so undesirable in spite of everything. I do wish that issues artwork out for you babes.

  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like he's using you, but the reason as to why...seems unknown.

    It seems immature to go behind your back, say all these bad things then deny it when you confronted him.

    There is such thing has joint custody. He should be allowed to visit his daughter certain times a week. He could really divorce his wife and still have that option. Do you know of any times he's talked to his wife about the divorce he wants? It seems he hasn't said a word to her about it.

    No, don't use him for money. That just makes you as bad as him.

    I would rid of a another guy who is married, there is nothing but problems with that whole relationship. You shouldn't wait and put up with all of that.

  • 1 decade ago

    Leave this man alone! he is never leaving his wife, married men say that all the time "because of the children" or "its complicated". DO NOT believe him,he is using you. if he cared about his family so much he wouln't be cheating. ALWAYS REMEMBER! If he cheats on his WIFE, he will cheat on you, because after a few years you will not be so special either.

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  • 1 decade ago

    people feelings about someone can change and maybe he did tell his friend he left to get rid of you but he could have been looking for an excuse. if he always comes back to you no matter what its for its because he knows your always there to come back to. as far as money if you feel your doing the right thing then dont stop. especially when someone is going through hard times with there relationship they always come to the person they feel safest with and that looks to be you. i wouldnt pull your self from him but id ask him about what he wants. dont presure him. he needs you right now. good luck

  • 1 decade ago

    Honey, he's already settled down. He's not going to leave her.

    As long as he knows you have doubts about leaving him he will be able to convince you not to leave him. He's a manipulator as so many are. He's lieing through his teeth to you and his wife.

    But deep down you already know this.

    Cut your losses and walk away, now, quickly. Right now.

    Forget about the money, he doesn't owe you anything, you knew what you were getting yourself into.

  • 1 decade ago

    using him make u just as bad as he is

    Hes doing this 2 u because u let him

    a man can only do to you what you let him do BOO. BOO

    and they will tell you exactly what they think you need to hear to get you to keep them around until they'er done using you

    your best revenge is leaving him alone

    and letting him rott in his miserable marriage

    u dont need his money dont listen to those friends of yours

  • Meli
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    If you want his money that'll make you the equivalent of a mistress or prostitute. I don't think I would like that title.

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