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Chris.I asked in Arts & HumanitiesHistory · 1 decade ago

What do you think of my prologue?

I'm writing my first horror book, and wanted to know what everyone thought of the prologue so far?

The Mills Farm house is an old beautiful, vacant, Victorian home, built in the mid 1800’s, by an early settler, named George W. Mills. The home, sits isolated in its solitary, surrounded by 2 acres of woods, lead by a long, dirt road that leads to the heart of the small town of Dallas, Pennsylvania. It is known for its elegant 2,304 square foot structure, and spacious Veranda that wraps around the entire front of the estate. In the winter of 1854, George Mills, and his wife Elizabeth came to Dallas, after their cabin, and along with the rest of their town in Buffalo New York, was attacked, and burned to the ground by a tribe of Iroquois Indian’s. George and his wife Elizabeth purchased 10 acres of land from an earlier settler named John Wallo, where he began building his future home for him, and his wife. It’s said that George spent the next four years to complete the house in its entirety, and not soon, after in the summer of 1858, his wife Elizabeth gave birth to their first of three children, named Mary. A year later in 1859 they had a second daughter named Rachel, followed by their only Son, George W Mills II in 1861.

Then tragically in 1864, their daughter Mary became very ill from Typhus, and died suddenly at their home at the age of six. A year later in 1865 their daughter Rachel died from a head trauma, as she accidently slipped, and fell down a flight of stairs, also at the age of six. In 1867 their only surviving child, George at the age of six, unexpectedly disappeared from their home, and was never seen again. In 1869, Elizabeth suffered a heart attack, and died at the young age of 36, but there are rumors that she died from a broken heart. As time went on, George eventually moved on from the sudden deaths of his family, and remarried a widow woman from Luzerne named Nancy Heinz in 1867. After George and Nancy were married nine years, George found Nancy dead after she cut her wrist during a suicide attempt in their bedroom. Shortly after Nancy’s death, George took his own life, by hanging himself to a 4x6 beam in the basement of the house just months after Nancy’s suicide.

Very few families have lived in the house after the Mills, in which all had short welcomes, before they eventually moved out, and left the house behind.

The last family to live in the Mills house was Michael Dowry, and his wife Samantha, followed by their son Jeff, who died at the age of six in 1958 from natural causes. The Dowry’s took their son Jeff’s death very hard, and could not face another day at the house, so they decided to leave everything behind, and start a new life. Years passed, and still yet, the house sit’s there vacant, with its gorgeous architect, and its blood chilling history.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Too much information! I felt like I needed to take notes! You gotta spread it out or condense some of the tragedies or something. One other point and it is just picky me, but one writing teacher pointed this out to me many years ago and so it always sticks out when I see it in someone elses work. Never use the same word twice in a sentence. You have lead up there a couple of times in one. And as always LESS is more. Go over your beginning sentences and be ruthless. A lot of those facts you can find a way to shove in later with other devices like finding old papers or talking to neighbors. I am assuming that you are leading up to someone moving in there again? On the plus side I have to say this, of all the writing I have gone thru since I have found this site you seem the most prepared for your story. One rule of thumb is that if someone asks you what brand of toothpaste your hero uses you can tell them. You may never have to use that fact but you need to know your people and places that well. Just keep working on it, you should do great.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    For a prologue it is a start of a suspense.

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