Can't deal with cancelled wedding...?

He's scared & not seeing the bigger picture. You're playing with fire when you suggest he gets sober. Addiction in & of itself is a totally self absorbed state to be in. He doesn't care about you or anyone else. His life revolves around the next fix. You must understand that this is probably the most difficult challenge he has been given. He's scared, he's worried, he doesn't know if he can pull it off, he doesn't want his life to change, he's fearing the unfamiliar, etc. It may seem like he doesn't care about you but he does. It's just that his addiction is currently outweighing everything else in his life.

What to do now? Get him to rehab if you can afford it or you have insurance that will help. Get him to an AA meeting even if he's not ready yet. And YES leave him. And addict will only become responsible when everything has been ripped from them & the bottom is falling out of their very life. He will not quit as long as everything remains the same & he gets away with it. When he loses his fiance, his job, his car, his home, then he'll get sober.

Alcoholism is a disease. Before you marry an alcoholic think of your life together and the children you may have. It's a good thing you poseponed the wedding or cancel it forever. Perhaps you need to find someone who doesn't drink for a living. I've seen enough alcoholics and drug abusers to last a life time. Good luck.

Well with those people their addiction means more to them than you ever will, unless they get help. And even then it will be a contant struggle for them. Be glad you dodged a potentially bad situation. So don't charge it to his heart that he's not afraif of losing you, its his addiction. My mom went through the same thing with my dad and finally after 25 years she left and he seemed to be getting better for a while (I guess tryin to prove a point to her) but is now actually worse that before. Its because they have to want to change for them and NOT for other people in their lives...it won't ever go away unless they want to help themselves...I hate to say it but you're probably going to have to let go....And don't feel bad and your like your dreams were altered. Think of it as a blessing because trust me, being with an alcoholic is not a dream life at all. Be proud because you made a very brave decision!!

Listen to Heather. You have acted wisely and maturely, and saved yourself a lifetime of heartache. Do not even look back, Do not allow him to be around you. This man will not sober up and stay sober for you or anyone else. He has to want to do it for himself and he doesn't want to. I am soo glad you are not going to ruin your life with this man.

I know it is tough now but it will get better and better. You will soon have dreams and a beautiful life.

What a great gift. Now you can dream a new dream. Surely you didn't dream of marrying an acoholic. Maybe you dreamed of having a wedding to the man you love but not this. Good for you for making such a wise and mature choice.

Sounds like his alcohol is more important and is clouding his judgment. I think you were right for calling off the wedding for now. He needs to get himself straight first. I know it is hard to deal with this, but as the cliche says, time heals all wounds.

it's a good thing that you cancelled, cuz if all he is afraid of is losing fun by getting sober and not losing you...then it's time to start trying to move on...

sorry.

Addicts of any type do not care about morality or feelings. They care about the high. Until they get clean, they won't care about who they hurt or what kind of life they made for themselves. Addicts love the high more than anything. You may not even be a close or distant second to his addiction.

You can only stick around for so long... Don't compromise your dreams... At some point, you have to decide whether to move on if he doesn't choose you over alcohol. That's addiction at its finest - it's very difficult to overcome. Bottom line, he has to WANT to quit; if he's only quitting because you want him to, it's not going to last - you'd be setting yourself up for disappointment by marrying him. HE has to be committed to quitting.

He is self centered and not in reality. Of course you hurt, and in time it will heal. Please be kind to yourself, and do yourself a favor remember the good time you shared with him . Start a new life for yourself. Until he "gets it" he will remain self centered and may not stay sober. It may take many times before he does.