In Vietnam: Why do they always ask "Are you married?"?

They ask you if you are married because the Viets love to play matchmaker. They consider children born into such families to be extremely attractive. They pity you because in their experience (and mine) there is nothing better than being married to a Viet. Never lie to your friends. Tell them that you are not ready to get married yet. They will try to fix you up with their friends or family. Not a good idea to use them for notch making purposes. There are places that you can go to for that.

When strangers ask me how much money I make, I tell them that I fled America one step ahead of the bill collectors, that I am looking for a good job and then I ask them if I can borrow money until I find one. They usually leave me alone after that.

But mostly, they're just curious. Look around you the next time you are out somewhere. Everybody has black hair/brown eyes etc, etc. They have never experienced the kind of homogenous culture that is the norm in America.

Hi Nick, I'm back, As you can see from ID's post, there are lots of good posters on this site, as well as a few duds. The problem you will have with finding woman of "normal" virtue is that , as ID pointed out, Vietnam and America are very different culturally. The nudge, nudge, wink, wink usually comes well after what an American would hope for but a Viet would find perfectly reasonable. I'm probably not the ideal person for dating tips in Vn. I'm more of a relationship type of guy and have been in steady relationships most of my adult life. I have heard that geography plays a part in the attitudes of the single woman in Vn. The southern woman seem a little more "western" in their attitudes. Also, it's very hard to flirt in Vietnamese if your language skills are on par with the average six year old (I know this for a fact, lol)

Although prostitution certainly exists in Vn, it is not as blatent as you would think. Eventually your friends will take you to a Nha Nhi Tro, or Kareoke hall with hostesses. These woman are not "professional" in the sense that a westerner would think, although, IF they like you, they will be happy to spend time with you and you will be expected to show your gratitude.

Don't be afraid to ask your friend's opinions about things. It's the best way to learn Viet customs and helps them to learn ours. A total win-win situation.

One last tip; at your age, (a little younger than me), consider dating divorced women. They aren't subject to the same moral scrutiny that an unmarried woman has to endure. While they may not be as beautiful on the outside as an 18 or 19 year old, the right one can fill your heart with joy. Without getting too personal, both my wife and I were divorced before we met. We understand how rough life can be and we'll do whatever it takes to make life easy for each other. I sometimes feel like I'm bullet proof (and I hope my wife feels the same) knowing that she's got my back.

BTW, ID, tell us what was so rude, I'm sure I'd get a chuckle and say,,, Oh yeah, I remember that. lol

Enjoy your time in what I consider a paradise.

The Vietnamese that I met often had such questions - you forgot how many children do you have.

Family is very important to Vietnamese - and marriage and children are part of that important equation. I think many people are truly interested, because of that importance. I have no children, and I can't count the number of times when I told inquisative Vietnamese that I had no children that they were absolutely stunned - they didn't know what to say, it was like they were lost - truly amazing! And my honesty lead to some really interesting, and occasionally hilarious discussions!

I think you should not make up stories. Why lie? You are who you are. Be honest - unless there are things that you are ashamed of. You may however want to be a bit prudent on your interest in keeping a score card, and avoiding commitment.

I had Vietnamese friends ask some really interesting questions, and some potentially embarrassing questions to be sure! Often the question was preceded by "Can I ask you a question?" and my usual response is "you can ask but I may not answer."

Why lie? You don't have to answer. For westerners such questioning is rude. You are going to learn that some things you and I consider normal they would see as rude.

Go with the flow. It should be an interesting learning experience for all concerned!

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One other thought occurred to me. Unless someone asks, don't tell them if you see something that would be considered rude "back home". I was talking with a friend about an example of what Vietnamese do that would be rude in US culture - she specifically asked me for an example. I told her an example that is very, very common in Viet Nam - and she was crushed!!! She wanted to know why I had never told her - I explained that we were in VN, and I knew it was normal, so it wasn't rude in my eyes, but she was in a tizzy!!! And I hope she will have forgotten by the next time I am lucky enough to visit her and her family again!

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Rick - I agree - closest to paradise I have been - and I have been to 40+ countries over the years. VN is the first country I wanted to stay in! I did not want to leave, and I am trying to get back, ASAP!

I think most Americans and Europeans would be rather put off by having someone put food into your bowl! You know, sitting there, enjoying the meal, getting full (or even earlier!) and someone helps you by putting yet another piece of whatever into your bowl! Minor rude, but where I grew up, you don't DO that, let alone with the chop sticks they were USING! UGGGG ;^)

My mother, trooper that she is, handled having people touching her hair, touching her skin, asking her all the usual questions, and being offered just one more piece of whatever - she loves VN too!

Hi Nick.

You have just moved to VN? I hope and i think you will like there later.

About some questions that people asked you.

Dont worry about that.There are some reason :

- There are many Vietnamese cant speak english, and there are mnay vietnamese in ages( 17 to 35), they learnt E when they were about 12 years old.

So some can have opportunity to speak e ,their E are improved.and they can speak and keep conversation.

Some are really good.

But some have no change to speak E , they forgot what they learnt .

Think about ...you learnt french ,but you not speak .then ...?

So around them millions vietnamese and some foreigner, they lke to speak some foreign language that they have known ,such as ..hello ,how are you ?what s your name ,???some learn some sentences in school ..are you married ?what s your job ? how many children do you have ? speak what they know ,and they are happy when they know you understand them.

- Some curious just want to know what you do ,how much you earn to see how diferent between you (a foreigner) and them.

- also a culture like ..people care about people. family s also a important thing. they care, so they ask ,and they think you like ..

So I think they have no any bad mean in their questions.

not all ,but almost Vietnamese,they are friendly ,honest ,and happy to help someone need help.

They like to meet foreigners who are different with them .Thats it.

And you dont need to make story .

Just say :no i never married before .im looking for a right girl for me.,

About how much you earn, you can answer with a smile : not too bad. or enough to make me feel comfortable.

When you know more about Vietnamese and vietnam you may love it.

I have some friends. They love Vietnam. They go to vn for holiday everyyear.

Hope you can meet a smart speak good english ,you will see how smart ,charm, fenimine they are.

i know a young lady who is very smart and lovely girl, she can answer almost any question you ask. she speaks excellent E.She is a very young owner of chilipub saigon 15 dong du dist1.nice friendly pub to drink and listen to music.

she s been away now.she ll b back in sept .i think

so hope you understand a little more about there now

Easy now, some people really have a problem with self confidence. I have known a bunch of really pretty girls that thought they were ugly because a family member, usually a mean brother told them that all of the time. On the other hand, the ones I have sen ask that on here usually aren't.

First of all this is personal information nobody have the right to ask for it if he isn't your friend or u know him if u want to keep women close to u then u should stick to your dead wife story "for beautiful chicks" but if u don't like women you just say it's not ur own business