How do we convince our 20 yr old son that his 19 yr old gf is taking advantage of him and he should leave her?

Unfortunately I think all you can do is continue to try to get him to see that she is a gold digger. It may take some time, but maybe you can suggest to him to stop giving her anymore money for a little while then hopefully he will see how chilly the relationship becomes. Other than that you may just have to let him learn by trial and error. Good luck, I hope he doesn't end up getting hurt. Just be supportive of him and pray the end comes soon.

The doctor took an X-ray? Why would he do that? I can't imagine a doctor taking an X-ray of an adolescent girl's belly, on the outside chance that she might be pregnant, which could potentially harm the fetus. Or did you mean an ultrasound? Even so.... What advice would you like? You raised your kids to think premarital sex was OK, and a 12 year old's brain isn't capable of making rational decisions or evaluating consequences. You don't argue with a 12 year old anyway. You need some professional family counseling to help you figure out who's in charge.

Since you are still supporting him there are some steps you can take to stop this. But I will warn you, you will look like the bad guy in this no matter what.

First of all, you own his car, pay his car insurance and I am guessing he still lives with you. So you have a few options.

1. Take away the car or demand he pay insurance on it. Either take it away completely or allow him to only use it when he needs to- in other words, not to see her. This will take away some of the money he is giving to her and/or make it impossible for him to see her to give her money.

2. Make him pay rent and keep the money in an account for him. Don't use the money, just make sure that she can't have it.

3. This one is where he will really not like you- for now. Tell him that you will not allow him to let his girlfriend use him like that and if he insists that it's okay then he can find his own place to live and his own vehicle. It may make him hate you but he may also wake up enough to realize that you are trying to help him and that she isn't worth him giving up the good life.

He probably won't like the new arrangements. But you are trying to make sure that he doesn't ruin his life for a money grubber. Either enforce something like I've suggested, talk to him again without her present or let him fall on his face.

Really, there's not much else you can do. You can either be the bad guy, be the nice guy and still have to watch him get screwed or just sit back and let him learn. Parenting is one of those things that needs to come with a handbook on how to handle crazy situations.

At least you have this to fall back on. He may end up 'hating' you for right now, but when he's learned his lesson and realizes that you weren't trying to choose for him, hopefully he will be grateful.

Good luck and try not to let it get to you if he decides to choose her. It's one of those things that we all go through when we're young about doing what we think is right for us. He may have to learn this lesson to realize that even though he is an adult, there are people out there that have danced this tune a few times before him.

Unfortunately, I dont think you can convince him. I think you need to be patient and let him realize this on his own. Otherwise, I am afraid you may risk the relationship with your son in the process because he doesn't see it. Just be there for him and try to discuss these issues without seeming like you are telling him what to do. I agree with the last person. If he seems to have this extra money then have him start paying for his insurance. It may be an eye opener! Good luck.

As a parent i have had to learn the hard way. At 20 he is old enough to make his own choices and those choices have consequences. Don't try and push him away from her, allow him space as an adult to make "the choice" but reassure him you will be their for him and you will always love him.

He may feel bad because he feels caught in the middle of your love and what he perceives is her love.

Step back, it will hurt, mention it no more and leave the girl enough space to foul up for herself, your son will see it eventually, but at the moment he is defending two corners and himself.

Just be there for him to help him pick up the pieces.

Remember: Choice and consequence are the key word here, he made the choice and he will feel the consequences.

i know somebody in the same situation as your son, his g/f actually got engaged to somebody else while with him and still convinced him to stay with her on the hush.. hmm wonder why?? maybe because she'd miss the money he gives her weekly!

i know exactly how you feel but the truth is there really is nothing you can do except make sure your son knows you there for him, the worst thing you can do is try and ward him off because he obviously has feelings for this girl and he will just try and prove you wrong, "she's not like that" " things will change" "she loves me" i love her.... iv heard it all!

alls you can do is be there for you son and dont make him feel like he will get the "i told you so's" when he does break it off! and that way hopefully it will come sooner rather than later!

Oh my!

Well If the account is yours you could take action to stop her.

However, if it's in the son's name and he is of age, you can't do anything about it.

Young love is very blind sometimes.

I know exactly how you feel, you love him so much you want to protect him. The hard part for us is realizing he is an adult.

But he has to learn some lessons in life the hard way, and that is hard to watch, but that's what we have to do with our kids sometime.

Be strong.

Been there, done that.

Short answer is that you don't. I know that is hard to accept but people have to learn these things on their own. I know that I did. When I was 20 I dated a rather rowdy guy my parents hated him and the more they pushed the more I wanted to be with him. I am 26 now and happily married to a great man and we have an awesome family. I guess people just have to get it out of their systems or atleast I did.

From someone who's been taken advantage of, trust me when I say you will have to let your son come to that conclusion on his own. Someday he will realize that he's responsible for himself and that's all that matters, and that if other people can't be, that's their own problem, not his. I too was always too nice and tried to 'help out' people who really were just too lazy to do it themselves, but I finally realized that I didn't have an oblilgation to do it and that it was best to just worry about myself. Especially since I've never gotten help from anyone else, only given it to those who didn't deserve it. You can tell your son how you feel, but it likely won't change his mind right now. That's something he will have to decide to do on his own.

unfortunately, it sounds like its going to be a life lesson for him...

and i know you dont want to hear this, but if she gave him sex, and it was the 1st or the best hes ever had, ...well, you do the math. kinda like a hooked junkie

pretty much anything you do to help your son is mostly going to come out as poision, and hes not going to listen. i had to admit that i went down that road, but i did.

i think instead of all of you guys sitting down, it would come best from you only dad. depends on what kinda relationship you have w your kid...me and my dad, we were always kinda like brothers, still are (im 35 now) theres a chance if you took off the parental gloves, and just talked to him man to man, that he may at least grow curious as to what shes doing with his hard earned money. he cant be that stupid when he goes to her house and sees 1000 dollar worth of new stuff that he wonders where it came from...

or like i said, maybe she glossess over with with some really good sex, and then he really doesnt care!