How do you encourage your husband who thinks he already is the leader of the home to be a spiritual leader?

Spring- I just read your update at the bottom. Yes I was in this situation and I am 3/4 done with a divorce. My soon to be ex was extremely stubborn about getting the appropriate counseling for reconciliation, so I drew a hard line and had to take it where I said it was heading.

i am glad to be done with her, and so are my daughters and they now live with me. It's sad, but it's the way things are going!

Spring Rain, (Also I just saw your update after I wrote this...see below!)

I just read your profile and it appears you are happy with the two kids...and incidently you are married...LOL! Sorry, it's probably not very funny to you though...

OK, first off christian or not, you husband is not acting like one. I was raised in both the Catholic and Protestant churches, and am very familiar with the Bible on marriage...but let's just look at the fruits of the Spirit...it aint happening there.

I got a buddy who "Escaped" from the Amish. Your house sounds like his house back then! Very legalistic and without charity...very little Grce and Mercy.

Ok...you see the point and know very well things arn't "Christian" around the house. Before you end up in a divorce, it sounds like you're going to have to confront this head on and communicate what you did here to your husband. You may have to play "tough love" and tell him if he doesn't make a move today to start mending the marriage, that you will have to separate. You want a christian Family and Mariage counselor with a minimum of a masters degree in psychology, and some practical and theoretical knowledge of personality disorders.

If he will not comply, and by the way...you CANNOT back down, then you let him know that divorce is not out of the question.

Ok, so here you get bozo's that say "Abandonment and adultery" are the only reasons for divorce....that in and of itself is legalism. If your husband is acting as an unbeliever by not loving you the way God wants him to...If your husband has abandoned your needs, which is who you are...you see what I mean?

I do not advocate divorce. God hates it, and we are to be servants of Christ and each other. But when we cease to be servants of Christ and of each other, we have become one with the world...as an unbeliever.

I don't want to see you divorced, and possibly with baggage, and possibly into another mariage mess with a blended family, nor do I want to see the kids ripped asunder! But if your husband were Christlike...we wouldn't be communicating now...would we?

You know, I pray for families all too often over this same crap, and it's like there's as many people in your position as there are stars in the night sky. It is wayyy sad. I just lifeted you up to Him...hope things change sweety.

Wally

(post additional details) Having the knowledge and doing it are quite different. You cannot fix him, you did not create his behavior. You can only work on you...but I still think a therapist needs to give you assignments and follow up on methods of repair. Also, I would look for another church. I was at one for 8 years and did not make any significant relationships. I never had this problem before. I left and got back into the social order! I came from Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa, Cal originally, and they are very friendly and loving. You can google "Word for Today" or Chuck Smith for some free marriage help.

Well, the first and foremost thing you did was REALIZE there's problems that need working out. Some people just float through life living that way and expecting nothing and trying to do nothing to make it better.

Next is the hard part: what to do? Finances will take time and effort, but certainly it's causing stress for your husband, so he's likely taking it out on you guys with the "military approach", but it could be worse...he could be doing drugs or drinking and hurting you guys. He still sounds like he is interested and cares about the family, even though I'm sure you guys are none too happy about it.

Maybe try to talk to him the way you have put thsi forth to us? It couldn't hurt. Even if he doesn't really take it to heart, he did hear it, and maybe it will make him think about how his family feels?

ok..it's simple to the point of being difficult--by this I mean, returning to the one you believe in. God, his Word etc. And yours is NOT an unusual situation for believers. But it's one of those things that 'snowball' in life til you get so covered up you suffocate...don't blame God. Church's may well let you down, people may let you down. Matter of fact,your dentist may let you down..but trust me,next time you have a abscessed tooth you'll be looking for a better dentist! Churches are the same way..some fill the needs better than others..don't give up! But seems like you both could benefit from some good Christian counselling. Period. Check out where you can find some from a reliable friend privy to such info that you trust. peace. **above all--DON'T stop praying about the situation!

Wheres your god at now?

Instead of asking for "spiritual" help you should be consulting real help in a professional counselor. He really needs to change and I am sure you have some things that could use some help to. I feel really bad for your kids having to live like that. I would say if he's not willing to get some help and fix the marriage then your only choice is to threaten with divorce and maybe actually do it. Telling the kids they are not allowed to speak unless spoken to is child abuse! I wish I knew who you people were because I would call social services on you, but yet you guys are such good Christians. Pfft. Get some real help now before you totally screw up your kids lives.

I feel that Ephesians five is a gorgeous well reference. Paul is writing how the spouse is to put up to the husband and the way the husband is to like his spouse as Christ adored the church. I consider that is in which we get this proposal of husbands being the non secular leaders of a house. I believe that's the duty of each husband & spouse to educate up the youngsters in a Christ like sample with same repute. The husband is instructed to put down his existence for the spouse (& I could anticipate kids additionally). As a husband, I do believe extra at ought to be the "non secular ruler" of my apartment, however I is not going to set up some thing without consultating my spouse first. I grew up in a apartment with a lively & believeing mom & a father who believed there used to be a God, simply did not reside the existence. Basically, if you're main on account that there's no one else to guide, opt for it & achieve the fruit, there may be not anything within the Bible mentioning as such.

I suggest that you go with your husband for some marriage counselling.

And I suggest that you go to a marriage counsellor who doesn't have any conflict of interest. Because if you go to the pastor of your church. Then he will be afraid to offend either one of you. And he won't say the kind of things that need to be said in order to make your marriage better.

But if you have gone for marriage counselling and you have tried your best to fix your marriage. And your marriage problems haven't been resolved. Then perhaps its time to start divorce proceedings.

Perhaps your husband isn't willing to compromise with you because it's all talk for him and he doesn't see what he can gain from changing his behavior. But if divorce becomes a real possibility. Then he might have more reason and motivation to change.

Although, when you start divorce proceedings. Then you must be willing to go through with them. If you make empty threats and don't go through with them. Then this might make your marriage even worse than before.

You can only fix yourself. Be the best person you can be. Don't allow his emotions to upset you. Who cares if he things you are a "rebellious wife?" My suggestion is to focus on yourself. Know that you are in control of your own emotions. If someone lashes out at you, you have the power to let it bother you or not. It takes 2 to fight. If you stop responding he will have no choice but to focus his energy on something else.

Try reading "A New Earth" by Eckart Tolle

Watch/Read "You can heal your life" by Louise Hay

My primary recommendation is to pray together. You say you were disappointed in the church body, but that is composed of human beings. Do not reject your relationship with God because of the damage that some people did. I think that the two of you should make a time every day to kneel down and pray together. When you pray, make it a point to pray for God to help you overcome personal faults of yours that you specify in your prayer; to pray for your spouse; to pray for your family; and to pray for your marriage to be strong and healthy. I believe that consistently praying together will produce an immediate and tangible effect on your marriage.

PS -- I am now prepared for the atheists and the anti-religion types to bring on the thumbs down.

Husband needs to take classes on 'how to be a husband and father'..he is a pure dictator..this is not good for everyone in your house

Let me tell you something.

My husband and I are in a Catholic Marriage and he is Head of our Household but he is NOTHING like your husband.

YOU ARE LIVING UNDER A DICTATOR!