Doctors not worried by my sons behaviour?

I do not have children. I have taken care of them, however on and off for many years, still I won't advise you from my own experience.

I will tell you what I learned from one very young mother. When I began reading your question, I thought it was she, but her child was a little girl.

Mother dropped daughter off one day. Mother had a bruised eye and a torn ear. This from her earring being torn out.

All I did was look at her and she fell into rivers of tears. She called into work and stayed with me part of the morning. I didn't advise her much, just listened to her. As we sat there, daughter came up, hit me, then tried to slap mother. I wasn't quick enough to stop her hitting me, but I did grab her in time before she could slap Mother.

I walked her over to the couch, sat her down for time out where she sat until her time was up. Mother just looked at me and said she could never get her to do that at home. I replied "I am not you."

I did suggest that there are resources other than the family doc. We talked about her choices. I even suggested counseling with a doctor who is knowledgeable with abuse. She thought I was crazy at first but realized finally that her four year old daughter was abusing her.

I didn't see her for almost six months. When she finally came around, she was alone. Her now five year old was in school. Daughter has aspergers,

Your doc is wrong for not ordering the tests. Very wrong. It took mother over a month to find out her daughter's diagnosis. A month she would give up again for her daughter.

You may not be requiring respect. Respect for you, other and even little things like toys.

If he has a tantrum does he get attention? He may not get his way, but if he gets attention then he is wining the game. It sounds like he is in charge and winning each little test of authority. If you give in the smallest amount he will not change. If you say you are going to take something away you must following through.

Watch his behavior and see if you can tell he is just testing you.

It is going to be very difficult for you to fix the screaming, but you have to let him scream it out until he quits.

You should get ready by getting ear plugs for you and whomever is home. When the screaming starts put him in his room and shut the door and let him scream. This may take as much as an hour the first time if he is very strong willed. The nice part is that as he learns you are absolutely not going to put up with this, each time he is put in his room to scream he will give up faster. It may take 3 or 4 times, but you have to get past the first one and it's going to be hard.

It sounds like he may also be a Kinesthetic learner, so get some Lego's or building blocks for your play time with him.

I think the problem is that you aren't being firm enough! Almost everyone who has more than one child goes through this so, you aren't alone. My daughter did the exact same things when her little sister was born. Sibling rivalry is extremely common. I read a book that said that the equivalence of sibling rivalry would be like if your husband brought home another woman and told you that this is his second wife and you have to get along with her. You wouldn't like it too much and neither does your son with his sibling. You are definitely right that each child needs one on one time with their parents. But, at the same time his misbehavior should not be tolerated. If he starts misbehaving when you are doing something with the baby then you need to set him straight. You need to say "Right now, your brother/sister is hungry and needs a bottle. You will have to wait and when I am done then I can play/talk with you." If he doesn't wait patiently then he needs to be punished like any other time he would misbehave. You can't let him use the baby as an excuse for misbehaving. You might think he is too young for that but, trust me, they learn young how they can get away with stuff. I highly recommend reading the book "Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I think it will have a lot of great tips for you, especially on how to handle situations such as these. Good luck!

I take it you have been using consistent (that is, the same reaction every time) discipline for years, and it's just not working. If that's the case, I would get a referral to a psychologist. The lack of empathy is a bit concerning. It may be nothing, but it's time to get it checked out. At the very least, the psychologist can help you learn ways to manage your son's behavior. Good luck.

find a behavior specialist. I've been through the EXACT same thing. My son (he's 7 now) does the same things. When he was five I cried all the time because of his behavior.

Just listening to your description I feel that something like AS (Autism spectrum) may be the way to go. You can get these tested with a child neurologist.

I think a behavior specialist would be the best idea though. If you don't know where one is, call your pediatrician and ask. If they refuse to refer you, go to a new doctor.

Good luck on all this....I hope your journey is easier than mine.

If you are from the uk/england - try getting him referred to the Edwin Lobo centre which assesses childrens behaviour and hopefully diagnoses something.

As a parent you know deep down if you're child is different to others - be warned though some health proffessionals will not back you up and make you feel they don't believe you.

Our daughter is different and it's becoming more noticable the older she gets - her pre scool headteacher is a specialist (SENCO) she's convinced she displays certain behaviour so we are glad we have her full support and we are about to go for a second appointment with Edwin Lobo and believe me we are going to push for better results for our daughters sake.

He might just have a short consentration span, I suggest you try doing things in small doses, like thoughing a ball for about 3 mins, tyr and do something but finish it before he looks like he is getting bored, the more you interact the better, when you do need to tell him, explain why kneel down to his level to explain, try not to talk to hime whilst in the standing postion, if you do put him on the naughty step, explain to him why and they you must walk away no matter how much he shouts, he is shrugging and and laughs as he know this will get him attention. I also suggest when he does something good praise him

hope this helps

Consistancy will help. No more threatening, if he does something bad he gets a consequence, no bargining, no ifs, ands or buts about it. He takes his brothers food, time out. He hits or pushes his brother time out, He lies, time out. He comes out of time out, before his time is finished, that's another time out.

Ignore his screaming and tantrums. Just turn your back and walk away like he's not there. He's getting attention with his bad behaviour and he's going to continue doing it if you're giving him the attention, good or bad.

You were on the right track with the reward charts etc ... you just have to reconize the good behaviour and praise him for it. Oh you ate your whole dinner and put your plate in the kitchen, that's what I like to see, Thank you so much. You picked up your toys, that's great! Or I really like the way you're eatting your dinner, this works if one is eatting and one child isn't.

Good luck!

As it's the school holidays now you will need to wait a few weeks but as a teacher myself I advise you to arrange a meeting with your son's teacher and his previous class teacher a couple of weeks into the new term (as obviously the new one won't know him very well after only a couple of weeks) and speak to them about your concerns. Ask them for examples of things he has done at school that worry them. If they are concerned and you are concerned then they may be able to get an educational psychologist involved. Each area has one of these that work with a few schools, and they assess children and decide if other steps are needed. Some areas have special units which children can attend perhaps each morning and then attend their usual school in the afternoon, and these places work closely with children and their parents to focus on changing negative behaviour, and ed psychs have the power to refer children to these. Sometimes education psychologists won't get involved until children have been on Individual Education Plans (IEPs) for 2 terms without a lot of progress. If your child does not have an IEP then ask why not. They don't just have to be for lack of progress in work, they can be for behaviour as well. Arrange an appointment with the school's SENCo. Each school has one and it is their responsibility to track children with special needs, including behaviour difficulties, and ensure that their needs are being met. If you do have to wait for your son to be assessed by the ed psych then ask the SENCo or class teacher if they will write a letter for you to take to your son's doctor in the meantime expressing their concerns and how your son has not responded to things you and they have tried. I was very concerned about a child in my class (different situation, not behaviour but very poor coordination) and upon seeing the letter I wrote the child's doctor immediately arranged tests and specialists. I'm sure doctors see a lot of people who worry over the slightest thing, so yours may not realise what a difficult time your family is going through, so some actual examples of problems written down by someone outside the family will alert them that there really is something wrong. Also, it sounds horrible but the more fuss you make the more help you will get. My mum was a SENCo and she battled for years to get a little girl some one to one support in the classroom that she so badly needed as she wasn't anywhere near the same level as the other children. It was only after the mother broke down in tears in a meeting with the ed psych and started saying how she couldn't cope and was so worried that the ed psych said yes, now is the right time for this child to get extra help. My mum thought, funny that, surely at the age of 5 when she had more of a chance to catch up with the others would have been better than the age of 9! So keep on telling whoever you are meeting with how worried you are, in a polite way, and make sure you do everything they suggest, so that they know you really do want the help and are willing to work with whoever else gets involved in order to help your son. Good luck with everything xx

He sounds like a normal 5 year old to me, just a boy being a boy, active and likes to tease brother, don't fret and make a big deal out of this because the more you do the more he will fight it, get him interested in doing other things such as puzzles and games and let him help you with doing things around the house and taking care of brother, get him out doors to play and run and get tired and have fun, the more you act as if what he does doesn't bother you the less he will do it. He is just a kid feeling his oats, let him enjoy this time of his life and remember it as being good times and fun with the family.