Open marriage relationship........?

I don't think you should risk it. an open marriage can (if it even would) only work if both people are involved in my opinion. I honestly don't think it;s smart regardess though. Eventually she will build up resentment, or you will fall for one of the women you are sleeping with. Try going to councilling with her to learn what YOU an do to make things better. If you try to make sex about her and wanting to make her feel good, maybe eventually her mind can be swayed. She's only saying this because she's afraid of losing you; do you REALLY think she would want you to go off and sleep with another woman while she's sitting at home alone? You need to be supportive of her and help her.

It does work for some, but they have to be totally secure in their relationship and be able to differentiate sex (the recreation) from sex (the lovemaking...what they do together).

You've known her a while. Do you trust that she really doesn't mind this idea, or is making a great emotional sacrifice because she feels you are dissatisfied sexually? If the former, you'll likely be okay...if the latter then jealousy and hurt may get the best of her if you take her up on her offer.

If you do seek 'satisfaction' elsewhere discuss the boundaries with her, and stick to them. Would she want to know, or not? Would it be a different person each time (to lessen chance of emotional attachement), or the same person (to lesson chances of STDs and such with multiple partners)? Will you always wear a condom to protect yourself, your lover, and your wife? Will you get proof the other woman is on birth control so your chances of being told you're about to be a father (by someone not your wife) is less? How frequently would you "play" away from home? Once a week? A couple of times a month? Several times a week or month? Etc...

Do what works best for the two of you, to keep your marriage as sound and happy as possible. Counseling together might not be a bad first step. Even if you end up going the open marriage route, you can find out a lot more about how you each feel about the idea by discussing it with an unbiased third party. Or they may be able to help you two get to a point where you're both satisfied with sexual frequency and outside playmates aren't a thought.

Yes, it can work if your wife actually doesn't mind.

My husband and I have an open relationship but what you're describing would never work for us. When we have sex with other people, we don't do it because we're lacking sex between each other. We do it to enhance the sex we have with each other. During the times when we do things without each other, we still ensure that the other person is as involved as much as possible. Usually, my husband will choose who's he's comfortable with in regards to who I have sex with and vice versa of me with him. We never get with someone that the other person hasn't met. Doing things this way, we not only remind each other why we're doing it but we're showing whomever we get with that we do have a great relationship with each other and have no plans of doing anything behind the other ones back.

one thing that bothered me about your question is that you've known her for 12 years, known about why she is the way she is for at least 9, and now you want sex so bad that you're okay with finding it somewhere else ("permission" or not)?

I don't think that anything can come out of that but trouble. I'm no expert, but it sounds like your wife's past has caused her to not feel any emotional attachment with sex. I'm going to be honest, if I were you, I'll tell her that you're going to keep your eyes only on her and help her work through her issues. That decision will only make your marriage stronger!

I have no idea if it can work. That would depend on so many unknowns, like the "other" woman, the strength of the relationship between you and your wife, you, her, etc. What I do know is that the odds are stacked against it working, if we define that as you and your wife staying together, you having an "open" relationship with another woman or women, and she or they being happy with that.

Why? Because sexual intimacy is the basis for emotional intimacy, and unless the "other" person is satisfied with only sex, and the two of you are able to restrict your relationship only to that, both of you will likely escalate to intimacy of other kinds - sleep overs, parties, dinners, movies, etc., family get gatherings, and...

You see where it will likely go.

If you love her, love her completely and help her. For her to be complete in your relationship with her and her relationship with you and with herself, you two need to work on this somehow together.

If she is willing to this, then you guys need to sit rules and follow them. My wife and tried it and now we are getting a divorce. If she has any doubt in her mind don't do, because it will just bring heart ache to your marriage. You just need to sit with your wife and talk this out, before you agree on anything.

doubt it. Even though she says it would be okay, I don't think she knows just how pissed/hurt she will be after you do...unless of course you don't tell her which would still be like cheating on your mind.

Unless she has an alterior motive-should this happen she will almost hate you. Been down this road before.

If your wife is ok with this then go for it.

My husband and i have an open marriage and its great.

If she is sincere in her statement, it might work just fine. But if there's resentment, you'll be screwed if you so much as consider the arrangement.