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How's this for a little 3.00pm spiel?
All I wanted was to write
A tidy little rhyme;
Something witty, something sweet
That wouldn't take much time.
I sat here thinking, in my chair;
My head was ticking through,
And when I thought all hope was lost
My thoughts swept back to you.
"Go on," you said to me that day.
"You've got it in you, mate!"
As soon as I done took your word
I also took the bait.
So here I am, at three o'clock
My typing fingers tense..
These words now published on the Net -
I'm hoping they make sense!
KS - 2008
3 Answers
- Kevin SLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
Your poem was pretty good. Stanza three could use a little editing (mate, done took, etc.), but you appear to have an ear for beat and meter. Stanza two had a very good third line; the internal rhyme of 3rd line added an extra "something" to the stanza and helped the fourth line seem a return rather than a simple completion of the 2nd line's rhyme...nicely done.
keep writing :)
Source(s): Editor, New Poets Press - 1 decade ago
i really like it =] 2 thumbs up
wat do u think bout mine??
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I love it!
I have no words....