Folks I need some serious help, can anyone out there please help me?

After my father died, I was in a similar situation with my mother and two of my sisters who still live at home. They wanted me to clean the place up, gather everything (tools etc) together and organize everything. I Was glad to do it but everything I did they complained about because it wasn't how my father had it, and they wouldn't provide me with what I needed to do it all. I finally just told them that the way my father had left things, is why they asked me to clean it up and organize it. I couldn't do what they asked me to do if I wasn't allowed to do it and provided with what I needed to do it. I told them I would finish the job when they would allow me to do it.

Like you, I couldn't afford to buy what was needed and I wasn't going to argue with them about what I could and couldn't do to get the job done. Your father ask you to do this. I would go to him and explain the situation to him and tell him; I'll gladly do the job you've ask me to do when I am provided with what I need to do the job. Let him be responsible for seeing that your mother gets you what you need. I understand your concern about getting in trouble with the law but it isn't your responsibility beyond discussion.

*Add* If your father won't get your mother to get what you need to do the job, then just wait until she does. I see no reason for you to stress over any of it. You are willing, it is them holding up the job. Why should you concern yourself so much over it? If it ends up costing more in fines than what waiting was worth, it's not coming out of your pocket and next time your mother might think twice about pinching quite so many pennies.

I think it's time that you sit down with your mother and have a good heart to heart. Go to her in a way that makes her feel like you need her. That will be something a little different because she is the one that has been needing you. Your mom can handle it, tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her that you are feeling overwhelmed and a little depressed ( enough to feel you need medication ) about the way certain things are. Let her know that she and your father are not a burden and you want to take care of them but the way certain things are being done is just really hard to deal with and tell her what those things are. Tell her that by doing just a few things differently, you could feel more like yourself again and probably stop taking medication. I know she is getting old but she still has compassion for her daughter which would make her want to help you. I don't think she realizes how hard these issues really are for you. I think if she completely understood your situation she would get the dumpster, weed eater, lawn mower and whatever else it takes to get you feeling better. You have to express to her that this is affecting your health and you need her help. I really think it would be hard for her to argue with that. What could be left to say to you? She knows the problem and the solution and any other way isn't going to help you. You need respect too. Your parents were blessed with a daughter like you. Take care of yourself.

Sapphire, I don't really know the best way to deal with this situation, but I believe that since your parents doctor knows the situation and knows you and how it is affecting you, that he might be able to suggest the best way for you to deal with this situation and others that you run into with your parents. Your dad put you in a position that he doesn't want to be in, going against what your mom wants and he is not going to back you on it, outwardly, but wants you to figure out how to do it. One possible solution is to borrow someones goat to eat the grass and such. Does your mother control all the finances? Can your dad free up some cash to cover the basics of clearing a path through the mess? A cycle will cut down a lot of weeds. Takes a lot of muscle power, but it can be done. I will think about it and see if anything else comes to mind. Good luck with the situation and don't let it make you sick.

My friend, you have two bears to wrestle here.

The first one is simply the mechanics of getting the work done. That's actually pretty easy - you can rent mowing equipment like a big DR trimmer or a Dingo with a weed whip. You can round up three or four day laborers from a temp firm to help. All it takes is some organizing and money, and then directing the work instead of doing it.

The second issue, though, is the long term care of your parents' place. That is a much bigger problem. It's going to take continued work and your parents can't do it. It won't do for the place to get run down. The big thing will be getting on top of it and staying on top of it. I urge you to find some way to get help - if you try and take it on alone you'll end up burned-out and resentful.

Yes, Sapphire, I believe the pile of trash you have. My dad hoarded until the day he died. My mom still does and that pile gets bigger all the time. The thought of getting rid of any of this useless junk(mom considers it valuable but it is pure JUNK) makes her hysterical. We fight about it constantly, it's the biggest stress in my life, I can't sleep either. The stuff about waiting for sales and lawsuits is just an excuse. Your mom doesn't want to get rid of the junk, she's even hoarding the grass now! Your mom suffers from "compulsive hoarding disorder" just like mine. Google that and you will get a world of info, maybe even some solutions. Be sure to tell her doctors about this, there is medication to control it(but don't be surprized if she's extremely resistant to taking it). BTW, do you have access to family funds? You're getting the money to pay for your medication somewhere. If so, just take some and buy a new mower. The suggestion made by Plum_Ecc is a good one. Good luck and God bless. Please do the google. BTW, when my mom dies I think I'll just bulldoze the place and sell the lot. I'm so sick to death of this junk I'm not going to sort through it.

Please don't feel guilty. You mom is not being realistic or rational, that is part of the sickness, it is beyond your control.

Been there. My father gave me advice to take one spot at a time. My mother had old clothes from the 60's to cut and make quilt's and they reach to the ceiling.She had some many hobbies you could not walk around with out it being in the way. I call some other seniors and told them that what they could haul in their car it would cost them $1.00.They could not pass on a bargain. I got everything thing cleared in three weeks. I only had to go to the land field four times with the truck. Also freecycle is a great place . They have a listing near you. I join three of them near me. They also come and get things you want to give away free. Remember one day ,one spot at a time.

I realize taking care of your parents can be a full-time job but you might consider taking a part-time job. Then you would have an income plus time away from your parents. Just being around co-workers and customers if you worked part-time at a WalMart would be a better existence for you.

Another thought. Church youth groups and boy scout troops sometimes take on work projects. Perhaps they would want to spend a Saturday helping you work on the cleanup for your parents. That would hurry up your mother to get the dumpster in place.

EDIT: Pardon me. Hope I didn't offend you. I didn't mean for you to pay the bills for cleaning up your parents place. I meant that having a few hours away from your parents and money to spend on yourself would be good for you. Best wishes to you in all your efforts to help your parents.

This is a terrible burden on you. Maybe you should stop cleaning up the junk for now. Tell your parents that unless you have what you need to clean up, that the junk stays. If they get a citation from the city maybe it will put fire under your mom's feet. You love your parents, but look at what you have to go through just to help them. If you don't take care of your health and you get sick, who will be able to care for your parents? Who will take care of you? Take a firm hand with your parents. You are doing them a favor just by looking after them. Poppy

Hi Sapphire. First of all, I admire you very much for being there for your parents in every way. You obviously care for and respect them both very much. However, it doesn't sound as though your mom is showing YOU much respect. You need to take care of No.1 - YOU - first!!! If I were in your shoes, I'd lay it all down for your mom and tell her that she needs to "come on-board" and do what's needed from her (renting the dumpster, acquiring the necessary tools, etc.) or you will not do anything. Period. That's not showing them disrespect. You can't move mountains, yet that is what you seem to be trying to do. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Like I said, this is NOT showing disrespect for your parents, so if that's what worrying you put it out of your mind. Good luck and God Bless.

I understand what your saying, but sit down and write a letter and sign it the city officials like its from them that they will be fined from all the trash and that will wake her up because of the money it will cost be creative and go to library and design this letter it will work she will never know it. And if she wants to contact them pitch the letter and tell her it will cost more if she makes wave. Sometimes we have to do these thing for there own good.

If you have a freecycle site in your area you could look there for a weed eater and mower. For some of the things that you think others may be able to use, post them there. It's all free and may help you to give some things a new home. Good luck to you.