Please HELP - my daughter (9) won't bring homework home, etc.?

The question I would ask is WHY is she doing this? Is she unorganized, has trouble finding her assignments? Is she distracted, busy talking with friends? Has she been tested for possible vision, comprehension, or reading issues which would impact her ability to perform?

I would immediately schedule a conference with the teacher and see what she/he has observed in the classroom. Oftentimes a child that is not completing work is having difficulty beyond just staying on task.

Once you have eliminated any physical or emotional issue that may be present, there are a few concrete strategies that you can use (works with my ADD boys) to help your child:

1 - Let her pick out a planner to write her daily assignments down. Ask the teacher to initial daily what she has and has not completed. See if there is one type of work (vocab, math, etc.) that your daughter is having difficulty with, if there's a pattern as to what days she's having difficulty, etc.

2 - Enlist the teacher, aide, or after-school pickup person to check her planner and make sure she has all the materials she needs to complete her work. Ask the afterschool coordinator to sign off on work done just like the teacher.

3 - Get your daughter to buy in to the planner strategy. Let her know that you are looking for ways to make learning easier for her -- and that she's got time to really get "into the grove" of using these tools.

4 - Consider buying her a watch with a stopwatch feature. If she is distracted in doing her work, she can glance down and begin to self-monitor how she is applying her time (using this in 2nd grade with my youngest right now).

5 - Help her learn to break tasks up into manageable portions. If she has 30 vocabulary words, get her to view it as 3 assignments of 10 problems each. By breaking up what may appear to a young child as an "overwhelming" amount of work, she'll be less stressed.

6 - Spend time understanding how your child learns. Is she a visual learner? Does she get distracted? Does she retain info only if she writes it down? Is her memory enhanced by repeated refrains (like songs)?

The more you understand how your daughter learns, what issues she faces in approaching work, and how to motivate her -- the happier your family will be. While this is a fairly time-intensive approach, I have an ADD senior who's near the top of his class and scored a 2010 on his SAT's. It works.

If you find that you do not have the skills or ability to define what your child's issues are, find a Huntingdon or other learning center that can work with her. It's important to catch these things now rather than in middle school (trust me on that one!!!)!

I would say that if she leaves the homework at school, you're driving her back to school to get it, even if it means missing a playdate or soccer practice or whatever. If that's not possible and she forgets the homework, have her call a classmate to ask for the questions. The idea should be that it's a bigger pain if she doesn't bring it home than if she does, and it doesn't get her out of doing the work. You can also ask the teacher to check that she has her homework in her knapsack, though of course by third or fourth grade she should be taking responsibility herself. It may help establish the habit if the teacher reminds her for a while.

What is she doing at school when she's not completing in-school assigments? Chatting with friends (maybe they could move her desk)? Being stressed out that she can't figure out the assignment (how's her sight? does she have a learning disability? does she need any extra help?). You could ask the school counselor to observe her in the classroom a couple of times, and they might be able to give input on how to help.

I wouldn't recommend taking away active time as a punishment, though .... if she runs around a reasonable amount she's probably more likely to be able to focus on school work.

Yup we went through this, at this age too.

What worked was a homework book - in cooperation with the teacher, who must be on board for this to work. Plus a commitment from you and your husband to put in the time, and be consistent.

Through the day, she is to write down the assignments they are given, and at days' end - like 15 minutes before hometime, it's her responsibility to get the texts, notebooks or papers together which are needed. The teacher needs to take 5 minutes to look at the homework book and sign it. Then you need to see this the minute she gets home. Give her a break for a while and a snack, then it's time to make a plan to get the work done. Before bed, go through the homework page and mark off what was done, and you sign it. Have her pack her backpack with the books and homework book. In the morning, the teacher needs to check the homework book.

This takes a few days to get into the groove, but it works amazingly well. Go talk to the teacher and see if she is receptive to doing this. Yes, it takes extra time, but it leads to real independence. Plus you daughter will feel more proud of what she is doing.

Just some other points, mom to mom. Don't tie allowance to grades or chores. Kids need a bit of pocket money 'just because'.

I know with our son, no bribing, threatening, etc. did not work at all. These kids can be stubborn and tough!

But just so you know, we got through it - and the other side is much more pleasant for everyone!

I wish you luck.

Your daughter's homework is her responsibility. If she doesn't bring it home and it doesn't get done it can't be graded and she may be left behind a year. The world won't end because of this. She will just miss out on moving forward with her peers and will be made to feel odd by the younger kids in her class. Grounding her isn't going to do anything, neither is taking away her television because she knows eventually she will get it back. That's not discipline. Discipline is teaching right from the beginning by making kids EARN privileges like watching television or playing video games or computer time. She has never had to earn these things so they don't mean anything to her and she has learned nothing. Now she wants to be bribed with money and you are going along with it. I don't believe in bribing kids to do homework or bring home good grades. Eventually they will be in college and who is going to bribe them to keep up with their studies then? I suggest you get John Rosemond's book "Ending the Homework Hassle" it is the only book on child raising that I have ever or ever will recommend because it is based on logic and reality and makes absolute sense.

Leave her at school one day. When she calls from the front office and asks why you aren't there say, "Did you get your homework?" When she says no, then you can tell her that you're not picking her up until she goes and gets it and you see it before she even gets in the car. And follow through with all the punishments, and seeing the homework before she gets in or she won't take you seriously.