Your thoughts on what I have written?

Not bad, but you are relying heavily on dialogue. Try to be more descriptive about exactly what Lysha is feeling while in the moment. Also try to describe what Miku is feeling while taking the blood into himself. Does it make him euphoric? Does he feel less human than he already does when taking the blood? Does he feel love for her as he takes the blood? What is going on in his mind?

Also try to make some of your sentences a bit longer, perhaps by combing them. For example: "Miku, enough." she told him, waiting for his hands to release her.

You dont have to use the he said. she said. every time, including it with a feeling or action is often more engaging to the reader. Also: 'Ever so slightly his lips parted, revealing razor sharp fangs, his hands sliding up to hold her shoulders down.' is a good example of this.

Also when Lysha passed out it would have been nice to know more of what Miku was thinking. including something that tells more of what he is thinking and/or feeling. ' he fell to the ground with her, holding her in his arms, protecting her from further harm. His mind was feverish, racing to grasp the situation even as the blood coursed through him, making it difficult to focus. "I should never have bitten you!" he exclaimed, cursing his own carelessness.' is an example. We now see what it is that is happening with him, how he feels and what his thought process is.

Of course it also depends a lot on how YOU write. If you want a good example of a humanized vampire look at Anne Rice's vampire chronicles. It can help you to understand what makes a monster lovable and believable as a person as opposed to just a monster.

My thought is this: In this world, everyone has a story to tell. To whom they tell it to is yet another story. It's not only about the story, but also the author itself. There are some stories that only family members, or those close to the writer, will understand. Kinda like the "inside joke". Yet, there are other stories that all people can get and yet understand. The latter is the hardest to cultivate. Families are much more forgiving than those that don't know the writer from Adam. I have yet to meet a composer, be it musical, or writing that will write for a family member unless it's a special event. Let's skip this part - let's talk about those who are on the "outside". Most writers have a need to express themselves via the media they choose. Music, writing, theatre? It doesn't matter. An artist needs an audience to evaluate his/her work for some form of validation. They also have a sadistic desire to open themselves to criticism to those who could care less about their expression over a bowel movement. Yet the hope of a positive criticism will outweigh any bad crits they may ever get. . . Creativity's' results are like a drug - once it's tasted - it can't be forgotten

Wow. That's all I can say. I have an infatuatuion with vampires, though, so maybe I'm biased? This sounds a bit like The Silver Kiss, but I've never read it, just the excerpt from Blod and Chocolate. But it was good!

Could you read mine?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AiBrD...

I like it and definitely would want to read more.

I have the same problem with my stories. When I was reading Twilight I got two separate ideas for vampire stories and now I find myself constantly worrying that they sound like twilight and I don't want them too.

It's a good start in the genre that you prefer. Many writers, including myself, do not care for the vampire genre.

Otherwise, watch your spelling and never use "off of" in anything. It is always "off something or other, never "off of."

I think it's a little....choppy and that there's too much dialogue. HOWEVER, it's pretty good. I agree - I write vampire stories, but it's like..."DO NOT COMPARE IT TO TWILIGHT OR I'll EAT YOU."

Wow! That's really interesting! It kept me wanting to read on about it! I say you write more! :) That sounds really cool: horrific, but lovely!

Oh I love it! I def want to read more. U should post it on fanfiction.net. If you do tell me! malibuXO92@aim.com

I found it very interesting, wanted to

read more.