What do you think of "The Refusal"?

The Refusal

As I took my shower

beads of water clung to my body

as I clung to the freshness of my youth

I would continue to play ball with my youth

and my youth would catch the ball, not drop it

No decay, decadence or “Death in Venice” for me

As I refused to see my physical decline

I continued to admire my body

Remembering the lovers lusting for my body

and insisting on calling it beautiful and young

And even if sometimes I see blue pop-up veins,

I will still see my small, firm, white, round breasts

When I look at my face

and feel continually surprised

at another mark of age

But then I am surprised again

when suddenly my hair waves and curls

as it also refuses to acknowledge aging

I survey my face again

and despite the bags,

the blueness of my eyes live

I told my friend the other day

I have to work on my inner beauty

and accept aging

Is it so simple

as when we say pretend to be happy

and then suddenly the true emotion,

the real happiness is yours

I always thought appearance was the most superficial aspect of a person

Then why now do I feel the men my age or older are not worthy of me

These broken down men with their pot bellies, bald heads, tired worn out faces

with the smell of hospital death surrounding them

These men are not my peers

Instead the young men engage me with their beauty and life force

Perhaps, my friend will say to me, even now,

why do you dispute and rebel the inevitable

You must face your age and your death

with equanimity, calmly, nobly

I will answer

that’s good for you

you calm, serene, clear soul

I have another soul

and this soul

tells me to remain a child