To forgive or not to forgive?

Forgiveness must begin with you, I never forget , but it was a lesson I needed to learn.

Hi JB,

It's really hard to forgive anyone that does you wrong beyond repair. There are so many emotions you go through...shock, anger, sadness and above all, colossal hurt. Our Christianity tells us to forgive our brother seven times seventy, however, that doesn't mean you will ever forget the episode. I am actually going through a tremendous hurt myself and I'm having a rough go of it. Every day, I feel like I am being raked over hot coals, so I can only imagine how you feel. I know eventually I will have to come to terms with it and become indifferent, but for now I am taking time to sort out my feelings. I will also forgive, that's the way I am. I would want you to forgive also...for God wants us to always do the right thing. Yet, forgive only when you are ready and when you are sincere about it. Same as I will have to do. :)

It helps when you are impartial to the situation, if you have to meet the person face to face. No need to further stress yourself and have bad memories surface.

If you are having trouble, you and I will sit in the back of the car and have Jesus *take the wheel and drive* because sometimes we need Him to. :~)

Love you girl,

{{{hugs from randi}}} <><

Something that happened over 25 years ago almost ruined my life. Every time I thought about it, the hatred returned. Even though the person responsible never asked for my forgiveness, I eventually did. Someone else involved did ask and by that time I had let go of the animosity. There are some things which happen in life which can never be forgiven or forgotten. I am glad I chose to not let it ruin what years I have left.

I honestly think forgiveness is earnt. If a person who has caused you pain and shows no remorse - if that were me, I would not forgive. I would try and let go as much as possible, but there would be no forgiveness.

If they did ask then there would need to be a sit down, a coffee and a long discussion. They would need to know exactly what they are asking forgiveness for and not just be doing themselves a favour to get into your good books.

Forgiveness is an understanding of who was hurt and who hurt, an understanding of what went wrong and an honest desire to make everything better.

Forgiveness should only be given should that person apologise from the bottom of their heart.

You are probably right to pity the person who caused you hurt. I guess we have all been in that place and I know I can still get upset thinking of a particular incident in the past that has had a lasting affect on my family. If I were the only one to have suffered due to the evil of this person, I think I could forgive. As it is, if I dig deep enough, I can dredge up a feeling of pity because I cannot believe the person concerned is either happy or contented with their life.

I would forgive them for the sake of my own heart and peace of mind. Trust them? Have faith in their goodness and sincerity? No, that type of relationship must be built slowly and only if you wish to allow this person back into your life. This is my honest answer. I am no expert but it is my personal forgiveness policy.

EDIT: Some people are such total creeps they don't realize they hurt you, or don't care if they hurt you or are glad they hurt you. I say forgive them anyway and never turn your back on them. Trying to take revenge or seek justice can be a lifelong battle. Not worth it. I have better things to do with my life.

I don't think I would get involved with the person again or spend much time thinking of them. But to forgive someone who does not ask for forgiveness is odd to me. You haven't been asked to do anything so to run up and down the street forgiving strangers willy nilly for no reason would make as much sense to me.

What are you forgiving? The person hasn't defined the transgression to you as yet.

IF they ask then yes forgive BUT they should tell you what they plan to do to correct the problem and how they plan to act in the future.

If it can't be repaired then some other act of restitution should come in to play.

It needs to be worked out between the two of you.

Forgive, Thank you Jackie for your question, we can not expect to be forgiven ourselves if we harbor unforgivness, these are great test in life do you remember the parable in the Bible about the man who could not pay the King the money he owed, the King understood and forgave him his debt but the same guy ran into someone who owed him and he was not willing to forgive his debt..than the King called in all debts from him and demanded his life. I wish you the best on this it is a real test...I hope all you dreams come true. The fact that you say they are pathetic is a sign that the unforgiveness is affecting you.

There are some people you just have to let go of. I have or had such a person in my life. She manipulates and uses people. She will lie whenever it is beneficial for her in some direct or indirect way. She will even lie when she doesn't have to. She is dishonest and will steal when it suits her. She is extremely narcissistic..extremely. I do not forgive her or anyone like her. I am just moving on without her in my life. She has continuously hurt people in this family and burned so many bridges.

People like this will only continue to hurt you and anyone who lets them. They are often good at pretending to know how to behave but it is an act. It hurts to let go of people sometimes..especially if children are attached to the situation.

Only you know how sincere this person is if they have asked for forgiveness. Forgiveness is a tricky word. Often we don't really forgive we just accept the action and attach justifications to it or let it go because we love the person who hurt us so much. Or because we love the person who is attached to this wrongdoer by kinship or marriage.

Tough call that only you can make.

Since harmony in your world is reflected by harmonious conditions , it is more to your advantage to forgive ; however, that does not mean you should place yourself in the path of sorrow again under similar circumstances . It's always best to forgive when a sincere request is made of you. It's what we ourselves would want if the tables were turned .I have a rule that I will not allow myself to stoop to a lower level, no matter how many like versions of "low" I may come in contact with. Be true to you - and call past events "so what" . Every day is a new one !

I've learned that if you hold bitterness and unforgiveness that IT only hurts you in the long run. You can forgive and not expect to be friends with that person. You don't have to associate with them nor be buddy buddy.If you already pity them then you must know a reason that they are quite responsible for their actions. Maybe greed, selfishness, lied to, or felt they'd been used. No matter what------forgive but stay away. Besides the Bible tells us we must forgive ,if we are to be FORGIVEN.Good luck and I trust you will do the right thing. God Bless