I am disappointed with many answers in this category?

I agree. Going through some stuff of my own. I believe in fighting for it.

Even though I'm the one who messed up (no didn't cheat, long story) I am fighting for my marriage until it doesn't make sense anymore.

Marriage shouldn't be called marriage, it should be called patience.

I personally think we have become a society of disposable everything. The commitment seems to be a thing of the past. I do agree in certain cases there are no other alternatives and the trick is to avoid those situations in the first place, not how to fix it after you are in. On the other hand, counseling and a willingness on both parties part should at least give Marriage a chance. It is a two way street though, both of the people involved have to be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work and have that commitment. Abuse is Never Ever Ok and no one should have to put up with that Marriage or not. Again, know before you go is the key and making the right choice in the first place would avoid most divorces. A Counselor once told me that the Courtship is a good indicator of what the Marriage will be, so if it is questionable during the dating, it isn't going to magically get better if you get Married, in fact that usually makes it worse. That is my opinion.

Unfortunately the only people that can fix a situation in a marriage are the two people in the marriage. Some people come on here and discuss maybe what worked for them, or what they would do in your situation but nobody has ever been in the exact situation.

Unfortunately it's such a "disposable" society that people don't feel like anything is worth working for because work is hard. Why work on a marriage when we can just divorce and find someone else? It's awful. the values have changed in today's society and it's up to us as the individual to strive to be different than mainstream society.

I think if more people took the questions about their relationships to their spouse than to an open forum, there would be much more productivity in the relationship and things would more often work out.

Just my opinion though.

The answers are like that for a couple of reasons. First, it's very easy for a reader to give a dismissive or glib answer. The "stick with it and you can work it out, here's how" answers take more typing :) Second, we live in a throw away society. Thirdly, SO many of the relationships are abusive and those women posting for help seem to want pity, not good advice. Or they want to play the martyr. Or they want to be patted on the head for "standing by their man". It's sickening.

When it's a marriage relationship I believe you should stick with it no matter what. HOWEVER, if there is physical abuse you need to get outside help. You can't fix him.

There is no question "should I", "shouldn't I", "what if he", "how can I" Go get the help.

If you don't know where to go, create another question asking, "Where do I go for help with my abusive marriage?" Include the city and state you live in, and we can actually HELP you instead of just listening to you complain about your life or the lack of help on Yahoo Answers.

Lots of us would love to help. Lots of women in abusive relationships don't really want help (another reason you get "divorce him" as an answer a lot. You seem only to want pity (correct me if I'm wrong). I have no pity for you. I'd love to help you help yourself and your husband though.

Go for it. Create another question. Ask for help.

I was just thinking the exact same thing. Everyone's answer to everyone else's marriage problems seems to be "divorce him". That's sometimes not what people need to hear. They need to hear ways to work through it, etc.

Now in an abusive situation, it's another story. But the answer to everyone's marriage problems is not "get a divorce!" Much easier said that done.

There are alot of situation when people just give up when things really could be worked out but I think alot of that has to do with the person just not being in love anymore or at least enough to try. Physical abuse is never OK and if it happens once and you allow it, it WILL happen again. Once is too much, leave!! Some people can work out things after an affair. I am not one of them. If we are married then I should feel like I can trust you above anyone and for you to deceive me and intentionally hurt me so blatantly is more than I care to deal with. Everything depends on what standards one sets for themselves and how much they are willing to negotiate those standards.

Re:

"PS: of course there are many exceptions, but for most of the problems it can be solve"

How in the world would you know what can be "solved" in someone else's marriage?

Also, to the person who said "fight until it's not worth it" - Don't you think that point is different for everyone and that no one can tell anyone else when that point has been reached?

You don't have to be impressed with anybodies advice other than your own. If you don't mind being cheated on or beaten, it's your choice... go ahead and fight for that right. Most people will not tolerate being treated in that way, it's their choice. I would imagine people give advice in a manner that they would react in their own marriage. If your reaction would be different than mine, so be it. Doesn't mean you're right and I'm not....

A man beating on a woman isn't what I would consider a marriage. That's a life sentence that no one deserves.

A partner having an affair isn't a marriage, it's a life sentence with someone that can't be trusted. And in today's world... probably a death sentence from whatever disease is brought home.

Neither is something I would be willing to fight for!

I believe any marriage that can be saved, should be saved. Not when one is being abused or taken for a fool.

I agree with you, but on the other hand I dont. I was willing to fight for eveything in my marriage, but my ex bailed and refused to try to work things out. That is normally the case most of the time: one is willing to strive to work things out while the other does everything in their possible power to end it and you cant save a marriage if the other person is totally hell bent on the divorce. Now that I've been through the divorce thing, Im much harder on trying to work things out because I dont ever want to go through that kind of hell again.

Regardless of the responses, the poster will do what is best for them.

The person is already balancing the scale between staying or leaving, so they are looking for supportive answers that will give them hope.

No one wants their marriage to end.

That's an emotionally devastating process to go through.

And then the financial havoc that comes from that as well.

And there are certain relationships where leaving is encouraged:

a) a habitual cheater

b) an abuser; whether it's physical, mental, emotional, drugs or alcohol, etc......

c) a person that doesn't set boundaries with friends and family and allows the spouse to be "abused" by those outsiders

d) a person that has problems but doesn't want to seek professional intervention to keep the marriage in balance.

As humans, we all want to feel wanted and appreciated, not used and treated like crap.

Everyone tells me to divorce my wife too...hurts. I don't know what hurts more - the fact that she cheated or that divorce appears to be my only other option. Depressing...I too believe in fighting for everything - I've always been taught anything worth having is worth fighting for. However, this does not appear to be the consensus which is if you don't like it, or if you're not happy - get out of it.