Found this poem I wrote 7 years ago- what do you think? The Shoes On Your Feet?

Question

You walk down the road
All alone in your heart
With only the shoes on your feet
To set you apart

And the heart that you wear
On your sleeve is left bare
And the road that you travel goes...
You have no idea where

The shoes on your feet 
Are the shield of your mind
And what you search for
Is not what you'll find

You stumble along
This long lonely path
And you're trekking alone
With a heart split in half

And the shoes on your feet
Are now falling apart
And the holes in the soles
Are the holes in your heart

The things that you say
Are left in your footprints
And the shoes on your feet 
Give small subtle hints

And the pain that you bore
Every day of your life
Are the scuff marks and tears
On the shoes of your life

All the tears and the hurt
All the worry and pain
All the trouble and strife
That you've had all your life
Make the holes in your soles
Which are the holes in your hear
And the shoes that you've worn
Your children now scorn

For the shoes on your feet 
Have fallen apart
And the holes in their souls
Are the holes in your heart

And the children you raised
Don't see you at all
Or the sacrifice that you 
Made for them all

And you're the last one standing,
You're the only one left
And you're childrent don't see
That these shoes are a gift

For the shoes on your feet
Have fallen apart
And the holes in their souls
Are the holes in your heart.

Travis B aka GeeK_KolA · Accepted Answer

It's pretty good! I'm sure your opinion on this poem and style of writing has changed, and i hope your still writing even now..because poetry is one of the best forms of expression out there! And dont listen to Juefawnda...or whatever that name is...you should see the remark he/she left on my poem...if this person understood poetry...they would understand it takes many forms...

Granted...though repetitive, it does lyrically sound nice...though i tend to adapt my own rhythm to lyrical style poetry...some of it seems a bit off but thats just the tune thats in my head........on-going radio station in there...long story...lol but still a great piece of work!

Well I can respect juefawns opinion...though he needs to get more of a grasp on just what poetry really is...in my opinion...and also not assume things so quickly. I do wish you luck with with the compilation if you plan on trying to publish it..i hope to do one myself...though dunno when or how! lol

Daisy · Answer

When you wrote this I would guess you were writing a song? I can see this as being a song ...a number one hit even. your use of metaphore is good and you paint an image that is relatable. i urge you to take the meat of this writing and make a shorter poem. if you do, i would like to read it, good work!

? · Answer

It's unnecessary, and annoying long, repetitive at a grand extent, which too me is lead boredom. I liked reading the first few stanzas, but then my concentration dithered off, and I was forced to ask why. There you have it. 
You defiantly have the heart and passion to write but your whole duration needs to be shortened, and condensed.

? · Answer

really exciting the first time yet that's the 0.33 submit. Your nephew shouldn't relax his laurels on being a one hit ask your self, he's gotta get obtainable and write new textile :-)

Anonymous · Answer

I like it

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Found this poem I wrote 7 years ago- what do you think? The Shoes On Your Feet?

5 Answers