my fiancé is going to jail, how do i deal with that? :(?

It must be very hard to maintain and run a relationship in circumstances like this. He is bound to be angry and depressed that he could be missing out on life, that he can't see you, and know for sure that your friendship is innocent.

I don't think you will be able to resolve very much until you know whats happening but keep visiting him and show him that you love him. Men if they cannot 'fix' a situation, they sometimes tend to withdraw and brood.

He is feeling helpless and not in control of his life and relationship, so I can see where the worry is coming from. Just keep the contact going and reassure him as much as you can.

Honestly, you have to be strong. I'm sorry that you are going through this but you need to ask yourself if this has happened in the past or if he has a drinking problem? Will this happen more in the future?

If he does have a problem and can't stop, then you need to prepare yourself for more problems to come.

I know that having him gone for two years is a really long time, but imagine having kids and he be gone fore two years or more. It's worst. I think it's up to you. Things might work out when he comes out or not because people do change in two years.

If you chose to stay with him, then keep yourself busy by focusing on something. Take a class or do a project until he comes back.

I'm sorry about ur fiance! I know you must feel really sad, but you have to pull yourself together! If your fiance does go to jail, visit him a lot. If he really loves you, he'll wait to get married. If you really love him, you can wait to get married too. Be strong! I've had a relative go to jail too, but it was only a 5 month sentence. Think about something else for the next couple of weeks. When it is time for him to go to court, you'll be ready and so will he.

Don't take this the wrong way, but 2 years is quite a time to be away from your fiance. This is the time you will have to think and make some decisions. If this is his 1st offense and he's not suck a drunk, then if you have the patience and if you want to, wait for him. If he constantly drinks, his 2nd/3rd offense (or so forth), or something of this nature, then you have a decision to make for YOU. Sometimes, people get sick of waiting because they feel they are halting their lives to wait for their significant other to come home. It's really up to you. Take some time, talk to someone, and think it through.

its a hard and unfair situation because its not ur fault yet ur the one who suffers?! its not going to be easy trust me ive been there before, you'll never get use to the fact ur mans in jail but in time u will learn to grow with out him 2 years is a very long time and what makes it feel longer is waiting. think back 2 years ago what u were doing a long time huh? just imagine how it will change with in the time hes gone away i think its great ur willing to stand by him and there are women that stand by there in jail for longer. but in the meantime what do u really want out of life? how old are you? what goals need to be met? u know it hurts so much to leave someone but im speaking in reality. on the other hand we are talking bout pulling through him going to jail well as i said i have been through this and its painful to watch them get taken away from my ex went in for 6 weeks and that felt like 6 months it will be a tough ride trying to reajust getting into a new routine without waking up with ur man by ur side, not having them around not having ur special cuddles ect... but stay strong honey im sure u have some very supportive mates that will help u this in ur time of need u need to stay strong and stay strongfor ur man other wise he might not be able to stay strong for u its isnt going to be fun but remember who ur real family and friends are coz one day they might really need u too

i hope this helped other wise u can email me i know i was kinda all over the shop there but im here to support u too

I am concerned for you on many levels. The sadness could be a mourning for the loss. This man, you have pledged you devotion to, will be gone from you by no choice of yours or his. Often with this kind of reaction, it really is about the loss and about you.

Then there is the Co-Dependency often involved in loving a drunk. It is not unusual to believe we have to be strong for them but not to the extent of losing ourselves, our morals or beliefs. He is a big boy who made bad choices. Now he has to pay his debt. AND, just maybe, he will get sober. Do you really want to be tied to this man who carries so much baggage?? And what about you? WHAT ARE YOU GETTING OUT OF THIS? What control do you have over him/ yourself/ the situation?? If you answer these questions honestly, you will have taken a step towards maturity. check out a few ALANON meetings.

THEN there is the issue of potential marriage... being married to him would mean a challenge to your credit rating, your income-- cuz as a felon, he wont get a decent job, your children will have to be offered less support, a lesser home, less of you and you will have to cover the bases that he cannot cover financially or emotionally.

I am not painting a pretty picture and am not being "nice" because the last thing you need is another someone telling you "poor thing". Your reaction is YOURS. What are you going to do about it? What is your part in this? What are you thinking.

As for me, I do not visit people in jail. I will not subject myself to the vulgar surroundings. they do this to themselves, it is not mine to deal with.

This is not a rude answer, it is the truth: you are very fortunate to have this opportunity away from him to re-evaluate if you really want to get married to someone who has a drinking problem. Use this time wisely.

I'm sorry sweety, there is nothing you can do but wait and see. You just make sure that you take care of your self because you can't take care of anything else if you don't take care of yourself.