What makes you think you're ready to commit when you won't wait for him (or her)to be ready?

I'm one of those who answers 'some' questions like that, sometimes. Some of the other answerers here gave some good points explaining things.

I think one has to look at the question as to what the purpose for dating is. That answer changes sometimes depending upon what stage of life you are in. In your late teens and early twenties, it probably is for the company, to have fun, to explore, etc. But then, again depending upon values of the person, some think dating is meant for steps toward marriage.

So a mature couple dating several years probably would have talked about marriage already, or are getting to that point. It's a matter of seeing if you are on the same page, if you want the same thing. (This is sometimes the point where the bio. clock may come in, but not always.) I think for a huge portion of women, and lots of men, dating is to see if they are compatible for marriage. I don't think it takes six years of dating to do this, and I don't think it takes shacking up - but that's an individual choice.

There are SO many women on this forum who just cannot understand why the guy isn't popping the question after they are together for years and years, or they've been shacking up four years, or they have two kids already -- well, it's obvious that they have different goals, different visions. If you want to marry, then you should be dating someone like-minded.

As another answerer said, it's having similar life goals.

I knew I wanted to marry and have a family. Yes, if it hadn't happened, I would have still had a happy life. But I'm glad I didn't marry the one I was serious with at 19, nor the one at 24 even.

I'm glad that my husband came into my life, and we married after a year of knowing one another and two years of dating. I was 28, and we have a wonderful marriage and family. We have similar family and cultural/religious backgrounds, and just basic values and outlooks on life. However, as individuals, we are very different from one another - and that's what's made the sparks fly and the energy flow. It makes each day interesting and challenging - and our marriage amazing.

I think there are different answers to this because people have different histories, family backgrounds, cultural traditions, etc. Often, it's a matter of maturity, independence, and life experience as well.

Thank you Ruthie. Your curiosity got me thinking. Yes you are young and you have a long time to go yet, but then the question of ever meeting the right guy ever is more concerning, and once you do may be the marriage/ commitment wont be an issue..... I just remembered Jolie saying on Pitt - I met the right guy, I dont think it really matters about being married any more..well there you go...Then I got thinking about Jen and Pitt...after 5 years of marriage they split because Pitt wanted kids and Jen did not...May be its something to do with being on the same page at the same time...wanting the same thing and if the significant other does not want that then find someone that wants what you want...mind you the pain from seperation is indeed unbearable, but atleast its much better than the pain of the constant stress that the situation is causing...

I think in situations like this, the problem is more about why the other person isn't ready. Not so much how long it's taking them.

I believe that most people would wait for the person they love to be ready. But if it gets to the point that your partner will not move forward, it may be time to move on.

Waiting 10, 12, or 15 years for marriage is too long for most people. Especially if you were ready after 5 years to get married.

It's also about the act of marrying. Marriage is an emotional and spiritual commitment. It's such a meaningful bond to so many people. Some people do not want to wait decades to marry the one they love.

I'm not saying it would be easy to leave. But if you have different future goals, it may be for the best.

Honestly, if I had been with my boyfriend for 10 years and he would not marry me, I would be hurt. How would I know that he ever intended to marry me? Should I wait for him forever when marriage is so important to me?

If one person leaves, it doesn't mean they weren't willing to commit for life. Maybe they were thinking their partner would never be ready. Maybe they were afraid of an underlying reason as to why their partner wouldn't marry. It could be many things.

Just my thoughts on this.

ya you are right it is one of those things you have to be in the situation to really understand. Women have a biological clock and I don't know many women that are going to wait around on a man to grow up when they want kids by a certain age. You will understand when you get to that point in your life, you are ready for commitment, children and a family. It is the fulfillment. After awhile you want things to be permanent not just a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, you want to have children and feel whole. After x amount of time depending on the person that bf and gf relationship is no longer satisfying because we want to get on with our lives and for some of us that may mean we are starting to get close to your cut off for having kids. So that is why. Why don't you just directly email the women who ask these questions if you are really interested you will do it in a more personal and mature manner.

I read halfway through your question and stopped. ....

Firstly - Being able to commit does not mean you are in love with the person. I love my boyfriend right now - but for who he is, his friendship, his personality, his life and his ability to understand and get along with me. Yes I pine for him when I am not around him and I feel for him in my heart. BUT I am not in love with him, and frankly I think if he and i (when) he and i marry, that our relationship will seriously work out BETTER than those of 'madly in love' people.

I have a life plan - i want to marry, work to build a family and wealth, and have children with a man who will make a good father. If my current partner kept on repeating 'im not ready to commit' then i would obviously look somewhere else. Once you know a person, you should know if you are compatable with them or not. Why wait 15 years to get married?? Fair enough, if you have no life goals and very litte understanding of the fact that life is DAMN SHORT to accomplish what you want.

Your biological clock is ticking. At the end of it all, 'they' may turn around and say 'oh sorry, ive decided im too old for kids/dont want this etc.'

and that is your life wasted. die alone.

sorry - but it is not a romantic approach to relationships.

im a realist - not a romanticist.