I think my husband is afraid of dishonoring his family?

Question

It's a little strange, it's not like your normal devotion to your parents would be. He acts as if nothing his dad says is ever wrong. If I contradict anything his dad has told him, he swears I'm wrong even if I show proof of being right. For instance, if I tell him you don't mix whites with darks when you do laundry, he'll say my father said it doesn't matter and my father would never lie to me. Then if I show him what the detergent box says, he'll say he doesn't care. It's rather pathetic to me that a person would choose to be ignorant. And this is common, it always pertains to daily activities or knowledge of history, etc. He thinks that by telling me he sees that I was right afterall, that he is dishonoring his father and that WILL NEVER happen. No matter if I'm his wife or not. I have respect for his parents and have never competed with them on any terms, but he tries to make it seem as if I am making him choose between us if I debate any issues that involve hearsay of his parents. BTW, his parents & I get along great and have never had differences with each other. The only thing I can think this would stem from is that his last marriage lasted 15 years and he put his wife before his family and only visited them on holidays. They were hurt by it and now he feels he must do the right thing by them. The thing he doesn't understand is that I'm not his ex-wife and I don't think he should only be devoted to me and nobody else. So why does he try and create that friction? I'm a good person and wouldn't dream of selfishly making myself his only priority. Why can't he come to terms that everyone is human and his dad is not ALWAYS right?

Update:

awommack: Really? You're quite the genius. In reviewing my question/statement, it seems to me that it's apparent that I've TRIED to tell him! Wow!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

In actual fact what your husband did with his first wife is exactly the way it should be... His parents brought him up and no doubt did a good job, thats their job done, he has to go off into the world and fend for himself, he fell in love and now his prority is his wife. Some parents understand this, others cant handle it and start to make people feel bad about it. Your husband probably feels that because the marrige didnt work that blood is thicker than water and all that but infact he is now putting you second because of it. Sometimes men need you to sit down and explain things to them, my other half does as he pleases most of the time, its only when he sees the level of upset that he trys to change it. His mother was mean to me for 6 years and i put up with it to avoid any rows, i felt like he was defending her over me, but after a long chat he realized how she was bullying me, and she ended up loosing out, she is no longer part of our lives, we did try but as soon as his back was turned she would do it still, i am the woman that he loves and i am the one that he defended...even if it did take years. Dont let your husband near the washing lol, his dad is so wrong!!

Rhiannon · Answer

Sounds like a child to me. 
Honestly, think about it. When you were a kid, your parents were Gods. They could do no wrong. I think he needs to seek some professional help. This could stem from childhood. If he hasn't learned that "all people are human" by now, then he's very immature and in for a serious reawakening. 

And this may sound crazy, but I had a friend who was going through similar problems with her spouse so she called his ex wife one day and they got to talking and she found out that he had always been the way he was and that it wasn't caused by the ex. 

However, calling the "ex" for my friend was okay because her husband and the ex had children together, so the ex was always in the picture. If this is not the case for you, I do not suggest meddling into his baggage.

Tapestry6 · Answer

You are his family, remind him of the saying, a man leaves his family and cleaves to his wife and the 2 become one.  If he wants to be contradictary despite proof otherwise he sounds like he needs some counseling.  I didn't visit my folks when I had a family they came to see us.

A · Answer

I think he must know his dad isn't always right really, maybe he does it to annoy you.

Anonymous · Answer

just  tell  him

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I think my husband is afraid of dishonoring his family?

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