How do you deal with the death of your dreams?

Hey girl.

This is so ironic, because just the other day I read an article on crosswalk.com by Cliff Young. It was actually entitled "Realizing Your Dreams". In it, he says, "Many of us don’t understand God’s plan for us, we are perplexed with His timeframe, we don’t realize how God has protected us, and we have difficulty seeing how He is utilizing us."

While he is speaking from the perspective of a single person desiring a relationship, the tenets of his conversational-style article are the same for all types of dreams.While I can't say that I have a definitive answer for you (I badly want to have one, but I admit I don't), I can tell you that I am struggling with the same thing in certain areas of my life. I had a relationship with a person that I truly thought God brought into my life for 2.5 years. I dreamt about him before I met him, and even then, I wrote it off because I didn't believe it, but everything manifested in real life. Except for the ending, that is. He ended up being abusive, possessive and insecure, and with all of his faults, had me so psychologically messed up that I was thinking everything was always my fault. I am now wiser, and realizing that it wasn't God's desire for me to be treated that way ... there was just no way.

Don't believe that you're not delighting yourself enough, or God has forgotten you, or you've done something wrong. Sometimes in life, especially when we deal with people, others are disobedient to God, WE can be disobedient to God; free will goes a long way. On the relationship front (this is so strange giving you advice in this area, I admit), I would encourage you to continue to make wise choices. Wisdom and trust in God will take you farther than the fickle heart, I guarantee you. God can do more with what looks to be the worst than we can imagine.

With regard to your brother ... we can share the love of Christ, we can forgive and be open, but sometimes it is best to let God deal with things when you're putting yourself in a bad situation in order to extend that Christ-like love to someone. It is not God's will for you to be taken advantage of, and for your child to experience the negativity that comes along with that relationship. We can pray, and take our hands off, ultimately trusting in God's goodness and his care to provide a solution and the peace for us in order that we *keep* our hands off.

Don't be weary. I'm going to virtually pass you some spiritual Miracle-Gro on those dreams because I don't want you to give up. I know that's not in you.

I want you to read this article when you get the time, though ...

http://www.crosswalk.com/singles/11582691/page1/

I keep Isaiah 49:23 posted in a little note in my cubicle at work, and there are many a day when I remind myself that it's there, and it gives me the second wind I need to finish the day: " ... and then you will know that I am the Lord, those who hope in me will NOT be disappointed." (Emphasis mine, of course.) Personally, I believe that God is intelligent enough that if we continue to have the same desires, despite seeking God and we don't hear otherwise, then God means they are definitely for us. We just might be in the wrong space and time, so it's about yielding to God's timing. I struggle with that daily, because I am NOT patient. But I am getting better, growing to trust him more as he manifests his goodness in different ways. When I leave my temper tantrum, I have to admit to myself that God really has never ONCE, not one time, ever failed one who believed. And he won't fail you.

Feeling down is part of feeling human. Somewhere in American evangelicalism we began to expect that life for a Christian would be easy, happy and prosperous. While Scripture calls us to delight in the Lord, it also reminds us that the Lord is oftne the sole source of light in a dark world, and that misery follows many all our days. You can delight in the Lord and still be angry or depressed by your surroundings. Whether you choose to still be thankful for what you do have or instead decide that God has abandoned you is up to you.

I'm a 30-something who has gone through a lot of dreams. Some were completely unrealistic, and some (including a serious relationship) weren't what I thought they would be and I ended them. At one point I wanted to be a theoretical physicist and was talked out of it. I still enjoy reading about the work and might even take some classes for edification. But I've found happiness in my life, married a wonderful woman, have a cute, little house that's what we need, a job that pays the bills and gives me some mental stimulation, and enough money to go out to eat once in a while or on vacation every other year.

I never did get to live overseas (though I spent two weeks in Germany once), or even live outside the Midwest, or finish my doctorate, but those dreams have yielded to others.

So I'd offer this advice. Don't confuse disenchantment with spiritual malaise. You've had a failed relationship, and every relationship that people ever have fails, except for one, which is the one that counts. Take comfort in what you had and give yourself time to let it to go so that your heart will be free to open up to one who loves you as much as you love him.

And there's nothing wrong with sharing a dream with another - in fact, I think making yourself vulnerable is the only way to love. This means necessarily getting hurt, but that's part of the human heart.

Finally, look through God's eyes. See how He loves you, and let things come in His time, not your own. I have a very dear friend who beat herself up emotionally for years, asking why God hasn't sent her a husband. When she asked me, my answer was always "it's not His time yet." When she asked when, I told her when He was ready. She'll marry next year at the age of 31. She was desperate for a husband since she was probably 23. During those 8 years, she called me crying countless times and gave herself untold grief. I think she also didn't give herself the opportunity to enjoy what she had - she spent a total of a year and a half in South America on missions, 10 months in Japan as a teacher, and had travelled to Europe three times. She also had become a leader in her church, a peacemaker in her family, and was able to enjoy being an aunt four times over.

I hate to think that her impatience at any point kept her from loving the beautiful life that God had given her. At any rate, I'm looking forward to her wedding - I'm standing up for the couple - and I hope that she will never think herself incomplete before she met her husband. I also hope that you do not think yourself incomplete because a relationship failed. Look at what God has made in you, not just to what has yet to come.

There are many times people will have dreams about one thing, but God may have a different plan for your life. Open up your heart and pray. Find out for yourself what path God wants you on. You would be amazed at some of the incredible journeys some people have been on. Life can be quite the adventure when God is at the wheel. I will pray that you find your answers soon. Time for the old cliche: When one door closes another will open.

We can't have everything in life. Trials and tribulations are part of the program. I tend to have a more positive outlook on things and look at all the dreams that did come true. If one does not come true I feel it was not meant to and I look for another dream to work on. Learn to count your blessings.

You might not have that one special person in your life right now but do you have friends? My friends are very special to me and I cherish them.

Maybe your son has difficulty in school doing his homework. My son has a mild form of ADD. It shattered his dreams of college too. Sitting down and reading or studying is hard for him but he is a really good kid, tenderhearted and sweet and everybody loves him.

Are your dreams really dying or are they just different from what you think they should be?

Sometimes you can invest all of yourself and more into pursuit of a dream only to have your hopes be dashed.

Personally I don't think hoping fervently (i.e. praying) to a divine entity will lead to some divine intervention. Sure, it's possible, and many people have chosen this path to get what they want or need in life. Some have been successful, but I would challenge the notion that it's solely because of this; I think too few people have enough faith in the one thing they often can control more than anything in life... the self.

If your dreams are dying, don't just genuflect and hope for salvation, do something about it. If you've exhausted all your resources, call upon that of other like-minded individuals or even perfect strangers who are in a position to help.

One challenge of mine, I often worry about financial security, and obsess about making sure I make "enough" money, at the expense of my enjoyment of life. I want to try to unshackle myself from this sense of worry, in part because I know that in choosing to be so concerned about money, I've curtailed my enjoyment and exposure to things, good and bad, in life.

If you obsess over a thing it eventually becomes all you see. For lack of a better maxim off the top of my head, strive to the wisdom of Bobby McFerrin, "Don't worry, be happy."

I think the dreams you speak of are never assured, that's why they are 'dreams'. What you want are plans of actions, goals, etc. that you can work for.. G-d loves those who work, and especially those who work to improve their own lives; and once you do so, that's when G-d starts providing for the 'desires in your heart'.

'Ask and you shall receive', right? Yes, well only when one can live in sobriety, loving and rejoicing in the fact that you are a slave to G-d's will, find happiness in the midst of suffering, and work hard for betterment, then you will see things change quickly.. I never believed in this until the past couple years, but oh, how I do now.. The story of Job never made sense to me until I understood those things in my own real life; and understanding that story is pivotal to your question..

What I can say for sure is this; as hard as it seems to do, you need to distance yourself from your brother.. I don;t know if he lives with you or not, but if he does, you need to kick him out. If he doesn't live with you, you need to change your locks, secure your home from him. He can't be coming to you home, much less staying there, so long as he still uses crack cocaine and is stealing from you and your own. It may be hard for you to do these things in fear of damaging your relationship with him and the love you have for him, and for the fear that he will not be able to live without your help; but the best thing for you , your son, and for your brother himself, is to get him away from your home.

Once the turmoil of a crack-addicted, stealing brother is alleviated, you will be surprised how much easier your dreams will be realized and rise again from the ashes of hopelessness.

Lots a love and hope for you and your family; and my best of wishes especially to your brother.. he needs help, but you aren't 'helping' him, though it may seem that way.

Take care

Losing track of one's dreams is always difficult. It leaves us feeling, confused, lost, and vulnerable. However, I've found that, at least in my situation, it's rarely permanent and there generally IS a "cure," or "dream CPR," so to speak.

When I lose sight of my dreams, I usually spend a lot of time thinking. I think about what I want, what I value. Then, I think about places, careers. and family styles that would fit with this. For instance, I might want love, to help others, and to write things and share my thoughts. This would mean that my dreams are to have a companion, living in an area with many other people that could use help, and being an author. I've found that thinking about values and moral regards helps a lot.

I don't believe that dreams involving others are ill-advised -- in fact, I find it ill advised to have dreams NOT involving other people.

Your right. You can't make someone love you. But you can be patient, and open your heart up to those that do.

You can't force your son to do his school work, but you can help to motivate him. Find athletes, musicians, whatever he's interested, that did well in school or are in college, and use it to help him find motivation.

You can't force your brother to clean up his life. But you can accept his problems, urge him to get help, and if that fails, accept him for who he is. To be perfectly honest, I don't think that dreams regarding other people are quite as important as dreams regarding oneself, aside finding someone to love. I've had dreams regarding others, and they've been broken and torn, but you get through it. Not every dream can be achieved, but that shouldn't stop you from trying.

Personally, I don't follow Biblical scripture, but I would say that you should continue to work at your dreams. I don't find that scripture to mean that if you devote yourself to the Lord, he will give you what you what -- I find it to mean that if you devote yourself to the Lord, he will give you the strength and courage to help yourself find it.

There's an old joke to that extent -- A man is out at see and the current pulls him out farther than he wished to go. Worried, he began to pray in hopes of the Lord helping. He had faith in the Lord, and knew that the Lord would save him. On the first day, a dolphin arrives alongside his boat, and offers him a ride back to shore, upon its back. The man says, "No thank you, God will save me." The second day, a large boat comes, and a man offers him aid. He said again, "No thank you, God will save me." The third day, a helicopter flies above him, and throws down a rope ladder for him to climb up. Fighting to be heard over the volume of the blades, he shouts, "No thank you, God will save me!" No one else came, and within a few days, a storm came and the man was killed. As he walks through the Gates into Heaven with God, he asks, "I prayed to you, why didn't you save me?" God chuckles and replies, "I sent you a dolphin, a boat, and a freakin' helicopter..."

assuming that you are talking about unrealized goals and not dreams that you experience when you sleep, there is a lot you can do to help them come to fruition. Although you are correct that you cannot force anyone else to do what you want them to do, by associating with people who have similar goals you can usually accomplish what you want and help others to reach their goals. As you mature, goals need to be adjusted and modified because your needs, wants, and abilities change. So far as praying or involving god in your goals, usually that increases frustration, since you have no control over what he wants or what his mysterious grand scheme is..

With a Requiem For A Dream.

I love that verse too. (ps. 37:4) It's up to no one but you whether your dreams die. Imagine the universe as perfectly as you can, then be sure of one thing: Higher Power has imagined it better.