I'm in love & I want to get married; but my partner has a checkered financial past & I want to protect myself?

Whew that was a long one! OK...Based on what you've written I would hold off on marriage until you both are more financially stable. While you seem to have your credit and finances in order, basically when you marry her you inherit her debt as well. I would check with your state laws to see where you would stand on divorce/property proceedings. I live in a community property state meaning even if the house is in your name only, if you were to marry and then divorce her, half of what you own (including the house) is automatically hers. Check with the courts or the state to see where your rights would stand. Prenup may protect you but again, check your state laws. It may be a good idea to get a consultation from a lawyer they would give you the best advice on this.

On a side note I think it is very smart that you are concerned about this. I've seen many people in heaps of trouble after they married someone with bad credit/debt and lost money and property they had before they were married. You are right to question this.

I think your best bet would be to consult an attorney about the situation and the potential financial and property consequences of entering into a marriage with this woman. While you might get some good advice on here, you never know the actual source (fact or opinion) so you can never be sure who is going to be right. An attorney will generally be right, (or at the least you have a legal course of action in the event of malpractice).

I think you are being very smart and realistic about your situation, so keep at it and make sure you protect yourself and your investment. Also, if you are making payments on her credit cards out of your own income, it might be a good idea to keep a record of such things, as well as what you contribute to groceries and what not.

Get married in Quebec, Canada. I'm from Montreal and our law freaks some out, others find it great.

Everything you own, bought before marriage remains 100% yours, same with her. Everything after marriage is divided 50/50. Inheritance exempt from 50/50 split at all times, going solely to beneficiary.

If you wanted to buy another property after marriage, you could use your prior property as collateral for your 50%. You could co-sign or put security down for her half, if you wished to &/or she could not finance her half and you would just have to make a separate legal doc detailing this financing.

What some find the downside, a woman always keeps her maiden name unless she pays to have it legally changed, but it is no different than if she decided today to change it to Jane Smith. I love it as I maintain my own identity. A man doesn't disappear after getting married, why should a woman. I use my married name for social situations, maiden for legal stuff and that way if I get mail addressed to married name...I know it's junk that I didn't request!

You might want to do this sooner rather than later because living together, especially with a child is considered 'legally married' after a certain amount of time in many places. Where you need to be really careful is how/what you declare on your tax returns.

Good luck

Wow this is the longest post I've ever seen. You sound pretty apprehensive about her ability and desire to stay on the same financial course as you. You should check to see if there are some financial planning counseling session you could both go through together. Also check with the Consumer Credit Counseling Service to see if there is some type of course she could go through. If her credit is jacked, its probably best to go ahead and apply for the mortgage in your name only and then list her on the will. Lets face it, she's a high risk, ie your interest rate would be higher.

If you love her and if she truly loves you, she should want to straighten up financially and wont work to tear down everything you've work so hard to build up for your family. Good luck!

First of all, I'm sad to say your first mistake was moving in with him without being married. Your second mistake was having 4 kids without being married. But you already know this. I think you already have your answer---"accept the way things are and stop bitching, or move on. I'm grown and I do what I want to do." He is not going to change! He has proven that in the past. He doesn't love anyone but himself, and you deserve more than this. Leave and find someone who will respect you and treat you the way you should be treated! And next time, don't move in with anyone until you are married! Take some time with your children and get your self-respect back. Don't jump into the dating scene right away. You need time to heal from this so-called relationship. Good luck.

I would suggest you see a financial planner. It may not be in your best financial interest to get married. See if you can further repair her credit, and look into a prenup for all of the reasons you listed. She does have some strikes against her so it is probably a good idea.

I have a short answer for a very long question :-)

Ask her for the prenup. Only about 50% of marriages work right now and it shouldn't offend her to ask for one all things considering. Do know, however, that if you should separate you would be paying hefty alimony.

Personally (since I'm in a similar situation without the large investment) I prefer to just trust in our relationship and know that we're both fair people who can be mature enough to share if anything should happen. If you're worried about it at all though you should ask for one. Then you can have peace of mind. Anyway, do you really want to marry someone who only wants you for the money or can't understand your feelings on the matter?

I know of a man who married a woman who had terrible credit with bill collectors calling all the time and she lived in an apartment. She got pregnant and he married her. He was doing pretty well financially,had an advanced degree and owned a business. They struggled early in their marriage. Mainly over control issues over money. He rightfully became the one who managed the budget in the home and it was hard for her to change. But she did. Today, 25 years later he is hugely successful and they are still married and their son is a CPA. (HaHa)

Your story reminded me of them. Life wasn't easy for them in the beginning and they almost divorced but they hung in there.

If I were you, I won't marry this girl yet. I know you love her so much, but there are so many RED FLAGS on your girl friends past. The bad credit, emotional problem, alcohol, etc. Whew!!!! You need to wake up dude while there's still time. Believe me... I have many friends who have the same problems like yours and they end up losing their house, savings, etc.because they used their heart/emotion instead of their head. Consult a good lawyer specializing in domestic family problems like this so you can ask him/her all your questions and you'll get professional answers that you'll know what course of action you have to do. Good luck.