This was inspired by another poet...any comments? And advice?

Hi Jonni!

This is excellent. We've been studying the basics of poetry on Mars. Something I read this week really struck home. The textbook says that poetry can often contain phrases about writing the poem.

A nice look at what a memory or long forgotten letter can muster in one's mind. The only phrase I thought odd was 'like a freight train" seemed to me to be out of place for this, but could be just me.

I like this, the images I got were these;-

Some casual phrase brings joy and love

roaring back to me

like a train-rush

Reading on, the thoughts continue,

jumbled, dancing round my soul.

Delicate and sweet

And a lovely treat

Even when 'freight train'

Got a heavier beat.

Memories call memories. Nice to see you back, Jonni!

I enjoyed the shape of your poem, with its alternate couplets and triplets. I'd suggest dropping "that" in the next to last line to mirror the metre of the first couplet, but continuing a similar pattern throughout is somewhat problematic.

Its beautiful ...

A word or gesture to ignite

A smouldering ember alight

The flames died a time ago.

A smile so wide and dancing eyes

Entrance, enchant, mesmerise

It awakens, the soul, with love.

Its passed, the moment, and memories

Linger in the annexe of my mind

In a room with no door and the sun for its light.

...

Really good poem here! Keep reading and writing!