Yahoo Answers is shutting down on May 4th, 2021 (Eastern Time) and beginning April 20th, 2021 (Eastern Time) the Yahoo Answers website will be in read-only mode. There will be no changes to other Yahoo properties or services, or your Yahoo account. You can find more information about the Yahoo Answers shutdown and how to download your data on this help page.

Trending News

Promoted
Angel
Lv 5
Angel asked in HealthDiseases & ConditionsOther - Diseases · 1 decade ago

How can I convince my 69yr old Mom that she can't care for her 86yr old Mother w/ Alzheimer's anymore?

My Mother, 69, who has health and pain problems of her own is trying to not only care for my Grandma, 86 with Alzheimer's, but also my Aunt, her Sister, who lives with my Grandma and is disabled to the point of being on a walker, not able to use her hands, and both of them fall all the time. I have begged her to consider an assisted living facility they can both stay in the same room/apt NOW before it gets any worse than what it is; my Grandma is paranoid, has tried to leave the house in the middle of the night, in the foreseeable future I believe she will become violent and my Aunt can not walk without her walker, her hands are curled in so she can't cook or even bathe herself correctly. Mom is out there staying about 3 nights a week when both my Aunt and Grandma need 24/7 care now; not later.

My Mother is only harming herself by trying to over do it in caring for two women who can no longer care for themselves.

There is even a problem with it being sanitary there as they both have diarrhea and the housekeeper and my Mom find feces all over the house and bathroom every single day.

This is more than my Mom can handle and I don't know how to get her to understand that she is not failing her Mother who had a TIA stroke and then went into this dementia immediately afterward. It has gotten out of hand and I don't want MY Mother to die from trying to care for her own Mother who can't say that she would rather be in a nursing home (as if she were in her right mind, she would've said this) and also her Sister who won't even do physical therapy to try and get better. The injuries they sustain from falling alone are beyond Mom's ability to care for them.

Any advice from people who have gone through this?

Update:

I know my Mom does feel guilty to some degree and thinks my Grandma will die sooner away from home. I have only one sister who is helpful but also runs her own company; there are only me, Mom, and my Sis. I do know my Mom and her reasons very well as she lives with me when she isn't there for 3 nights.

I see her becoming more incapable of doing this both mentally and physically and I love her.

I love my Grandma and Aunt with all my heart and commend the granddaughter who cared for her own Grandma. I am disabled and in chronic pain 24/7 and can not work so what help I give is a lot for someone in my condition; more than I am capable of even.

Thank you and any other helpful answers are appreciated although I don't think I could turn Mom into adult protective services as they are not being neglected either.

5 Answers

Relevance
  • TwinkaTee
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I wonder if your mother feels guilty and feels she is obligated to take care of them???? You should ask her why she is doing this, if she KNOWS she has problems of her own. I would talk to her and encourage her to at least look at facilities. She will find that they are qualified and prepared to take care of your relatives. Your mother does NOT need to take on this added burden and everyone will be much happier if they get the support they need in an assisted facility. She can visit anytime and she can have peace of mind at the same time.

  • eschlerphs
    1 decade ago

    As a grand daughter who took care of a grandmother with alzheimers who was a runner it is very hard to let go, nursing homes in general are not very trustworthy and very expensive. Is there any way you could be more help to her or your aunts/uncles or brother or sisters instead of trying to talk her out of taking care of your grandma and aunt find ways to help her

  • ifutd
    1 decade ago

    i can not really give you an advice. I can not even imagine what you are going through. It must really be tough. but i understand one thing that worries me. you seems to understand everything from your mom's health point of view only. i think to help your mother, you should first understand what your mother is really thinking and what she really wants. try to find the best solution to her mother i.e your grandmother and make sure that your mother understand that you are trying to find the best solution for her mother. Don't say any negative thing about her mother or sister. you and your mother are in the same position. both of you want what is best for your mothers.

    so, try to be more sympathetic and understanding. don't be judgmental. may be then your mother might understand that you are doing what is best for everybody.

    i hope for the best

  • essentiallysolo
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    You need to call adult protective services and have your Mom's situation evaluated. It isn't only unsafe for her, it is unsafe for her mom and her sister. They have the authority to arrange for better living conditions for everyone involved. Basically they take the choice away from your mom, so she won't have to feel guilty.

    Source(s): RN
  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Agent Smith
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Ask your mom when she believes she will be ready to make a transition.

    Ask for help or advice from Hospice.

    There are no easy solutions.

    Best regards.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.