Are you happy, no more fighting between red and blue states?

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to

form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue

States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes

Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan,

Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will

be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people

of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and

all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best

beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

We get Intel, Apple and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get

Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.We get 85 percent of

America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get

Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to

make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent

lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of

happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be

pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all

our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to

fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're

apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose,

and they don't care if you don't show pictures of

their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you

success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but

we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's

Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm

control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more

than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of

the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's

quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)

90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech

industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living

redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister

schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will

have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and

their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S.

mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent

of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists,

virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,

Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of

Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red

states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62

percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing

the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution

is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in

9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b ** ***ds believe you are

people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too.

You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico .

Peace out, Blue States