I have a 21 year old daughter who left home 3 months shy of turning 19 to move in with her boyfriend.?

The correct answer is that your husband is right. They wanted to do things like big kids, and they need to stick with it. It's not that hard to get an apartment. My husband and I got out own place when I was 17, and he was 19. It's 3 years later, and we have never "taken a break" or gone back to either of our families houses. We're married. That means you deal with things like adults.

After leaving home and declaring independence a child should be able to come home for: brief visits, like vacations or an occasional; in the case of a natural disaster destroying their home; the death of their spouse; the spouse going away for an extended length of time for work or illness, for instance being deployed to Iraq. And then, there should be a framework established that supports the beliefs of the parents and the ongoing growth of the child, for instance paying rent, childcare and honoring family routines.

Your daughter made some very foolhardy choices but despite her naivety she can still live an honorable and independent life and be a great female force in her child's life.

I agree with your husband that she needs to leave your home. She either needs to get her own place or move back in with her husband. Talk in depth with your husband and tell her together what your expectations are and what you are willing to do to support her and help her achieve independence, whether that is watching her child in the evenings so that she can go back to school or just touching base with her occasionally to see how she is doing.

If she rants and raves and has a tantrum and says she'll never talk to you again don't give in and argue with her. If she cries, don't give in. Don't raise your voice. Just let her do what she is going to do and let her know that you love her and believe in her.

Doing what you are doing now is just verifying to her that she is entitled to hand outs and that she isn't capable of - - - anything.

I agree with your husband. Marriage is an adult decision made by two consenting people. With that responsibilty to one another comes the trials and tribulations of working out problems on an adult level. If they want to live seperatly like they are still just dating (with a child) then they should have waited on the marriage. Now is the time for them to make it on their own and follow through with everything that making the decision to get married means.

I believe your husband is right. The couple should work it out. If they are married, it is for better or worse, richer or poorer, etc. They already workied it out where they want to stay married, so let them live together as a married couple.

Good luck because I know this is a touchy subject.

I wish you the best,

God bless you and your family.

Bottom line - if you dont want to cause a rift between you and your husband then BOTH of you need to tell your daughter that she needs to go back to her husband. Making it clear that you love her - but her place is with her husband, not to mention how confusing this is for the child! Its great that you guys stepped in when she needed you but if she wants to be married she needs to act like a grown woman. Dont build wallls and isolate yourselves from your daughter and grandchild but be firm

dad is right, but maybe there is some room for flexibility. do they have a definite timetable to get their own place, are they working and saving while living with you and the aunt. if they need to live separately for a month or two, help them out and enjoy the grandbaby.

I can't tell what your opinion is, but I agree with your husband. If your daughter is going to work it out with her husband, she should live with him. He is absolutely right, they need to endure all trials of marriage together, and it will strengthen their bond.

congrats to you and your husband for 21 long years!

You husband is right. If you daughter and son-in-law want to be married to each other, they need to learn how to live together. If they want to learn independence, stay married but live apart, they need to get theie own apartments and do it on their own instead of, sorry, but mooching off family. THey will NEVER learn independence if you allow this to continue.

I agree with the Kayce. They decided to be "grown ups" and need to work things out themselves. It is nice of you to support her, but your daughter and her husband made their bed, but now they need to lie in it.

I just wanted to throw in my agreement with the people who said they agree with your husband. He's correct.