Custodial parents vs Non Custodial parents?

Unfortunately, if the parents could agree on such things there would be less divorce therefore less custody battles. Frankly, instead of just finding out your boy/girlfriend's favorite color or just paying attention to their physical aspects and started learning more about their ideals, plans for the future, thoughts on child-rearing during courting there would be a lot less divorces and horrific custody battles.

People should really get to know their partner and really consider whether or not they can live w/the fact that William the third is dead set on having a William the fourth while you believe in not naming your child after someone or if spanking is their way of discipline as opposed to time outs. Aside from parenting, does this person agree with you that it is better to save up to own a home or do they like renting so that someone else is responsible for the taxes and repair of the property. Trivial things, I know, but usually it's the trivial things that will break up a marriage leaving the children stranded in the middle.

Custodial Vs Non Custodial Parent

First of all, I know that you said this question is not for people who have experienced abuse. But I think that my experience with abuse, and the stuff that I learned from it, has made me even more qualified to answer this question. Why? Because I have talked with many parents, children, and non-parents about my feelings on this subject and I have gotten a better understanding of the different viewpoints involved.

First, I would like to say that divorce is, unfortunately, sometimes necessary. many parents do a better job when happy than they do when they are just trying to keep it together for the sake of their kids.

Next, I agree that it isn't fair that mothers are often by default made the custodial parents and that the custodial parents get to make the rules. But think of it this way. For some reason ... perhaps hormones, the fact that they carry the baby for 9 months before it is born, or simply the way that society raises women, the mothers are supposedly the ones with a better instinct to do whatever is needed to protect and care for their children. I know that this is not always the case. And at times I have seen fathers be better parents than their ex-wives. But still, in general mothers will have more of a paternal instinct. So if there has to be a custodial parent - the mother is the obvious choice.

A custodial parent is necessary because there are times when you need to clearly know which home is your official "home." Like when filling out forms for medical records or your driver's license, or simply because the kid wants to have one place that they can call "home." Also, this makes who the kid will stay with clearer in the event that one parent has to move away.

Parents often disagree on how things should be done. And sometimes 1 parent has to make a final decision on something. When this happens - once again, it only makes sense that the custodial parent get the final say. But they should take the other parent's thoughts on the subject into consideration. In my example: My ex doesn't want our daughter dating until she has finished college. He insists that until she is 18 and living on her own - she will not be allowed to date. I think he is taking this too far and I, as the custodial parent, will allow our daughter to date when I feel it is right. Why? Because that is what I think is best for her.

I think that's about all I can answer for now. This whole subject is so complicated. ... And I think it is evidence that people need to get to know each other better before having sex. They need to be honest about who they are and how compatible they will be with each other long-term before creating a child.

You can't generalize this question. There isn't a great answer to this, it has to be case by case. Some parent's don't derserve visitation (dangerous lifestyles, etc. etc) Others don't desire visitation. In most relationships, the mother is the main caretaker, so it makes sense to make her the custodial parent. Just because a woman is the custodial parent, is doesn't mean she asks for child support. Those that do, feel their ex-partner should be helping. There are women out there that think of their children as a paycheck, there are men who don't think they should pay child support because the kids don't live with them. Child Support is hardly ever enough to cover the child's needs so it's not like these women are getting a huge payday.

I do agree there is a huge bias when it comes to the courts and mom vs. dad. I think people have it stuck in their minds mom= good and dad = bad.

I also agree, parents need to suck it up and act like adults, it's not fair to mess up the kids because they can't sort it out or deal with the rulings.

In most cases, yes children need both parents, but only when both are good parents.

This Site Might Help You.

RE:

Custodial parents vs Non Custodial parents?

***This is not for people who has experience abuse or if their child has experience abuse***

Most of the time people always think that the mother is the custodial parent and the father is the non custodial parent. But that is not always true. Our court system keeps parents tied up in court for...

Perhaps the difference is this: child support is needed, desperately in some cases, to help the child.

And there are many men out there who have no interest in their child.

I'm not sure why you and your husband decided to try out the system, but hey, you're interested.

I'd like to try something else out - how to get a man to visit his offspring. How to get him to phone on the child's birthday, send a Christmas card, turn up when he promises, takes him away on holidays , etc etc.

That's what a real deadbeat dad is - one who can't be bothered with his child/children. One who thinks his kids are millstones around his/her neck, burdens. One who thinks that the ex takes the money and wastes it, and the children can live on air.

Single mothers always get a bad press - we can do no right. If we try to protect our children from their disinterested fathers by pointing out that their daddy tells lies, we do so at the risk of being accused of "turning the child against his father".

So we stand back, and hurt inside, as we watch our children clutch their homemade Father's Day cards, while they wait all day for a daddy who doesn't give a stuff about his kids, to turn up for his monthly visit.

Children need love, and care. But quite frankly, sometimes the reasons why these relationships break up is because the daddy doesn't love the children.

I don't know how much experience you have of single parenting - but it's hard. You are talking from a viewpoint that puts the father first - nonsense, the children come first.

Is your husband, by any small chance, the daddy here?

I believe that in an ideal world, children would grow to adulthood with both of their parents living peacefully together in the same household. Since that is happening less and less, the next best thing would be for both parents to set their differences aside and work together to make sure their child spends time with both and is loved and provided for by both. It would seem that any couple who has their child's best interest at heart could see that.

But that's easier said than done. I believe the most difficult issues arise precisely because both parents do have their child's best interest at heart - but they disagree on what is best. Each parent thinks the child would be better off living with them. Each thinks their beliefs and values are more important than the other's. Each thinks their rules or discipline or childrearing method is better. Neither can believe the other could possibly love or protect their child as well as they do. If they couldn't find trust and cooperation between themselves (hence the divorce or break-up), they will surely find it even harder to trust and cooperate in raising their child.

I feel for single and divorced parents. I believe most of them mean well and want to do what's best, but these are very, very difficult issues. I don't have an answer - just pointing out that things aren't always as simple as they seem.

You have some great points. I don't know when exactly the courts started recognizing a woman as the primary caregiver, but it probably coincides with women liberation which began during the woman's suffrage movement. I have personally witnessed the alienation of my husband as a father from his son from his first marriage. His relationship with his son was brought to an end when his ex wife accused him of sexual abuse over a diaper rash, which incidentally was just after she was informed we were to marry. Two years later and battle after battle we were forced to give up. We didn't have any money to pay the bills we had already accrued and after the therapists had completely confused the boy he was a mess, and not likely to benefit from continual contact. The closer we got the more abusive she was to the child. It broke our hearts, it was like our son had died. We watched the court over and over recognize this abusive woman as the superior care provider simply because she was a woman. That was even after a psychiatric evaluation where she was found to be unstable, and too intertwined in her relationship with her son. She ended up moving out of state and disappearing with the child.

Well no matter my story, from my experience divorce it too easy. I think the government wants to destroy the family nucleus because they will end up with a group of people who are easier to control and more dependent on the government to be the caregiver they never had. The more control they have the more they can do as they please and the less free we as a people are. I don't know if it is possible for a bitter divorce to allow for a healthy raising of the children. In my experience, she never changed, but then again she didn't have to.

Custody issues are almost always complicated.Parents frequently have agendas that don't seem to put their children at the top.

Where did you get the idea that courts are making money? Believe me they are not.

If you have a sincere interest in helping kids going through a divorce you can join CASA and work as a guardian ad litem. They look out for the interest of the children only. Contact them at CASA.org.

o.k here goes. my husband and i have custody of his 4 yr old son 47% of the time... that number makes the difference!!! she being a woman in my province gives her more rights whether she takes care of her son well or not.(quebec).and the 47% plays in her favor anytime we need to talk about the little guy's welfare......doctor's visits,trips,activities ect...we tried explaining to her that she would have much more time with him on week-ends or however she chose to have her days off if she let him lkive with us most of the time since she tworks evening and nights and also she ie gone 3-4 days a week. so the grandparents have him when his dad should........can;t fight her in court...as i told u the courts favor women and that check certainly is fatter if she has him 53% of the time. sad:(