I need some advice.. Mother in law issues..?

Question

So, I've been having issues with my mother in law ever since my husband left for Army OSUT. The three years he and I dated before we were married I never had any problems with them. I always go out of my way to make sure I am respectful of them. I have lent my husbands parents and sister money on numerous occasions. (mind you I was 18 when I began dating him. So I was an 18 year old lending 3 adults money for their bills) They aren't as well off as my family is. I became pregnant while on birth control this year and they have yet to recognize that this child is their grandchild.
They didn't help at all or get a single gift for my baby shower.

Now all of my DEERS paperwork from the Military and my husbands graduation / Christmas exodus date papers from his 1st sergeant are being sent to his mothers address. I had tried for two weeks to get her to send them to me.

Finally this past Friday I called and made it very clear that I needed those papers for my insurance and so I know when to purchase my husbands plane tickets. I was NOT mean or rude at all. I told her that they were mistakenly being send to her address because my husbands recruiter had mistaken his home of enlistment for my mailing address and that anything addressed to "amanda" or "the family of Corey _____" should be coming to my address and not hers.
She was getting mean and I was becoming impatient (i am 41 weeks pregnant and a little testy) so I asked my grandfather to explain it because he served 22 years as on officer in the military.

his exact words to her were "in the military eyes; when a soldier becomes married his parents sort of move down a notch on the food chain. It's just how things work with them and that is why the mail you're getting is meant for amanda."

his mom started crying and hung up the phone. I assumed my grandfather had hit a button mistakenly and I called back. My husbands father picked up and started screaming and swearing at me saying things like "my son goes to iowa to visit her family, they decide to get married and now all of a sudden amanda is his family?" (we got married on short notice in iowa but are planning on having a bigger wedding later) making me feel like crap and that i somehow am not supposed to matter at all in his life.

I was really upset by this comment he made

then today i get my DEERS paperwork from them in the mail and they addressed it to me using my maiden name rather than my married name.
This has really pissed me off.
and they failed to send me the information i need to purchase my husbands plane tickets.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should call them and discuss it or write them a letter?

My husband can't do much about anything as he is in training and the mail takes forever to get back and forth.

I have become so stressed that my doctor wants to put me on an anxiety medication as soon as i delver my baby. 

I just cant believe they would put me through this while i am pregnant and while my husband is away. I have never done anything wrong to them, but he is their last baby. It's just so frustrating for me I suppose.

advice?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Sounds like you have met my family. You have gotten some of the paperwork. Chalk that up as a victory. Lose their phone number. Get ahold of your husband's 1st Sgt and have him overnight the rest. 
Like I said before, lose their phone number. You will have enough to do with one child in the house, you don't need to be bothered by two more. Tell your husband that you can not deal with his parents and that any communications to them with have to be by him.
You don't owe them anything. If they are not willing to be civil to you and be gracious enough to appreciate the loans you have made them, (BTW, don't expect them to pay you back) than you and your husband and child will live your life happily ever after. I know that this sounds really difficult, but it has to be this way. I had to walk out on my family sixteen years ago and for awhile I was bitter and resentful. But now, I am SO glad I did it. My life has done nothing but improve everyday.

Good Luck and you can name the baby after me if you have to. LOL

Amy S · Answer

Wow.  His family sounds very insecure.  Take the paperwork you got and go forward with that... and contact your husband's 1st Sgt, Key Volunteer, or other "family" contact at his base to get the specifics on the airplane tickets.  They won't need a long explanation.. just let them know the information went to the wrong address and you're unable to get it.  In other words, if you can't get through to his family, then just go around 'em!!

Now.. problem solved.  Time to take a deep breath and enjoy one of your last nights of quiet before that darling baby comes!  Once you see that adorable face and touch those hands and count those toes, none of this will seem overly important.  In the grand scheme of things, their childishness is just incentive for you to be a better in-law than the example you've been given!!  

Above all... continue to behave with graciousness and class... Nothing will ever irk them more!!   :)

Tangarin · Answer

Are you abel to wait until your husband comes back before getting your baby insurance? that way he can get the relevant paper work from his folks without you having to do it since they don't seem to like you.

It's difficult when they don't listen and hang up on you but they need to realise that your his wife and this is his child and they need to back off a bit and not be so difficult. I don't think you should contact them until your husband comes back because you don't want to stress your self any more than you have been. Your mother in law should understand when a women marries a man she becomes his priority I mean didn't she marry your father in law she should know.

Any way don't bother with them and try to have as little contact with them as you can and If I were you Iwouldl only see them when my husband isaroundn cos if you on your own they will gang up on you and try to intimidate you. 

Your father in law is so rude for swearing at you. Take care.

ÂŅŦĬ ĂĈǾŖŇ · Answer

You sound above the situation, and are understandably upset. You are also above your inlaws as a human being. Maybe you can call and thank them for sending you the paperwork, and you just need one more thing. That, or get in touch with the base and see if you can get another copy. 
Good luck, don't let lesser people get to you. You are better than that!

Mrsjvb · Answer

THEIR problem.  not yours.   when your DH gets out of OSUT have HIM explain EXACTLY where his priorities are.. ( hopefully that's you and the baby).  if they cannot accept that, then that's their problem and he's sorry but  his focus will be on his wife and child, as it should be.  

that way YOU aren't the bad guy in this.   they can choose to be petty and immature and drive their son away, or they can accept that he's a grown man with his own family now.

Curt J · Answer

Your in-laws seem to be unable to accept the fact that their baby boy is all grown up and has a wife and child (on the way) of his own.
The best advice I can offer you is to just do your best to ignore their childishness until your husband gets home and let him deal with them. Hopefully, he possesses the testicular fortitude to stand up to them, or you will face a not to good relationship with them.
Good luck to you.

judo702 · Answer

Look at this question I can see the problem already... It's you!!!

Breeze · Answer

huh?

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I need some advice.. Mother in law issues..?

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