What Bible advice can I give to help a woman who kept a guilty secret from her husband?

Humans are humans. Humans make mistakes. Christ's blood redeems the most errant sinners.

If God Almighty had wanted the husband to know then it would have come out.

Verses

Christians have been saved and forgiven on the basis of the sacrificial death of Jesus, who died in our place. Thus, when God forgives His children, it is finished, signed, sealed, and forgotten.

1 John 1:9

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness"

Psalm 103:12

"As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us"

1. Examination (1 Cor. 11:28)

2. Self judgment (1 Cor. 11:31)

3. Confession (1 John 1:9).

Let us recognize that only God can forgive. It is not humanly possible. If we "get it" at all, it will be by God's very nature being imputed to us. And right here is the secret to real forgiveness. It is divine.

Luke 5:20-21

When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven." The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, "Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?"

Guilt is not always not forgiving self forgiving self comes after self examination.

What caused the adultry?

loneliness?

or

anger?

or

sexual needs not met?

or

lust.

A person must really dig into this part and not excuse 'lust' with 'anger'.

or

excuse 'needs not being met' with 'loneliness'.

Get real get deep and true God already knows and justifying; 'I was angry', when really it was lust will not work.

Once the truth of "confession" comes out forgiveness can be realized.

So the guilt and shame is a tool that is used to become closer to what God wants us to be.

A lot depends on your relationship with this woman - is she your friend, or are you her pastor/counsellor? Also, whether or not she was a Christian when her husband was alive, and how long ago he died. Has she specifically asked you for help or advice about this?

All these would have a bearing on what you might say to her in reply. It is good that you want to avoid making her feel worse than she already does. A thought that is coming to me, is that guilt, even false guilt, can be part of the grieving process, and maybe the best thing you can do is to be there for her, to offer a listening ear and non-judgmental support as she works through her feelings.

The first scripture that comes to mind about God being willing to forgive and cleanse us, as soon as we repent to Him (privately or in front of someone else) is 1 John 1:8 - often read out in the confession part of a church service. A useful aid for looking up scriptures on particular themes or keywords is Bible Gateway, which also gives you the choice of different versions in modern or traditional English.

I'm sure you know this, as a Christian, but certainly it is not a good idea to encourage her to communicate with her departed husband - if she does want him to know anything, she could maybe ask God to convey her repentance to him through Jesus - which I am sure would make her feel better.

Just a few thoughts - I am no expert, but do feel for her and for you in this situation. Above all, pray for the Lord's wisdom before you start writing or talking to her, and He will give you what you ask, like He did for Solomon!

Grey Tower- I think you know the bible pretty well and can explain several things to her. She needs to know that her husband is now in Heaven (At this point I have to presume he is) and that he completely understands that this was a sin of the flesh and when she meets him in heaven, she will find that he will have no problem with that at all. However, there is the problem with her Judge (Jesus) and she will have to fulfill her repentance and ask for God to forgive her. Her husband can only forgive her if Jesus does, for it is the law of God that she sinned against.

I probably would start with this verse; 1 John 1:5-10

5This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. 7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

8If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.

She also needs to Believe in Jesus Christ and that he died for all our sins. There are so many passages that explain this and she need to understand. Take your time with her and explain it to her. Maybe instead of writing her maybe a phone call or meet with her is that is possible. The burden she is carrying is great and she does need to get it off her back and the only way is through Jesus. I really hope you can help her, I have seen you answers on here and know that you can help. May God Bless and give you Guidance with this problem.

It is an interesting place to start. Just off the top of my head, I would think it essential that such a person first have their salvation in the Lord Jesus secure, before she deal with the emotional pain of her husband dying without having confessed this sin to him. I haven't ever seen anything in the Bible about a person being lost for not confessing a sin to a person...

So, from my perspective, this is a salvation issue and the standard Bible verses apply pertaining to salvation.

The forgiveness Scripture I have chosen is deep. This sin-guilt this woman is feeling is deep. Have her start with v. 12 and then start at the beginning and read again.

Hebrews 8 >>

King James Bible

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1 Now of the things which we have spoken this is the sum: We have such an high priest, who is set on the right hand of the throne of the Majesty in the heavens; 2 A minister of the sanctuary, and of the true tabernacle, which the Lord pitched, and not man. 3 For every high priest is ordained to offer gifts and sacrifices: wherefore it is of necessity that this man have somewhat also to offer. 4 For if he were on earth, he should not be a priest, seeing that there are priests that offer gifts according to the law: 5 Who serve unto the example and shadow of heavenly things, as Moses was admonished of God when he was about to make the tabernacle: for, See, saith he, that thou make all things according to the pattern shewed to thee in the mount. 6 But now hath he obtained a more excellent ministry, by how much also he is the mediator of a better covenant, which was established upon better promises.

7 For if that first covenant had been faultless, then should no place have been sought for the second.

8 For finding fault with them, he saith, Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah:

9 Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day when I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt; because they continued not in my covenant, and I regarded them not, saith the Lord.

10 For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:

11 And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest.

12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.

this is a very interesting question..hmm this verse might make her fell better...

John 8 :3 - 11 " Let the first person who as never sinned throw the first stone at this woman"

"has nobody condemned you?" Jesus said "Then neither do I Condemn you - go now and leave your life of sin.

In this verse, nobody was abled to punish her because everyone has sinned at least once in their life and the key message here is forgiveness. The couple in a marriage are expected to forgive each other even though in difficult times.. even though his husband has died.

Im sure her husband is willing to forgive her.

There are TWO ways to present the gospel--

Jude 1:22-23, "And of some have compassion, making a difference: And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh."

Some have compassion, some save with fear.

You must pray and ask the LORD which direction to go when presenting to her the gospel. If she doesn't understand we are separated from God by our sins--then this must be explained.

The outcome of not accepting Jesus as Savior and acknowledging our sins before Him must be explained. When we have not confessed our sins before God we are separated eternally from God and will experience the second death--death eternal in the lake of fire.(Revelation 21:8) This is a serious thing. Some already understand this and need the compassion of another to help restore them in a spirit of meekness.

Galatians 6:1, "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted."

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/yxS7o

What happened already cannot be undone. Whether she confessed it to him before he died is not the issue. The issue is her repentance of this sin before God. While it would have been nice to get a jump on it while the man was still alive and able to decide how to deal with her, she still can make an effort to clear her conscience and confess it to God.

I will pray for her and hope that she gets the redemption she seeks.

Confess your sins to one another. This is her right time to do it as the husband is dead.....no retributions what so ever. I believe that Act 2 :38 calls for repentance. A sincere repentance to God will get the slate clean as God forgives and forgets.

She has become a jewel woman to remarry as she will never do that again : cheat.

1. Carefully define the meaning of forgiveness.

Common misconceptions:

* To forgive means a person no longer remembers the offense. Scripture only refers to God’s capacity to forget sin and places no such expectation on His people (Jer. 31:34; Heb. 8:12). Our ability to remember hurtful events helps to inform our future decisions.

* Other misconceptions: forgiveness means condoning, ignoring, repressing, allowing future abuse, or the end of pain, hurt, and consequences. Though definitions vary, the central or critical core of forgiveness is "an individual’s choosing to release his or her anger, bitterness, and any desire to retaliate related to offensive and hurtful behavior."

2. Consider whether anger has served its appropriate purpose.

The emotion of anger, by itself, is neither good nor bad. Scripture describes Jesus’ anger when He drove the money changers from the temple (Matt. 21:12-13). His behavior was not viewed by God as sinful. Anger is a natural emotion measured by how it is used. It can be used to help propel action to protect the things we love or it can be used in destructive and selfish ways.

3. Acknowledge the specific losses and hurts you have experienced.

Specifically address the injuries that have given rise to anger. Develop a list of specific ways the affair has affected your relationship and your family. Share this list with a trusted and compassionate same-sex friend or even your mate when he or she is willing to listen empathetically and own responsibility for the injuries.

4. Make a choice to forgive your mate and commit your anger to God.

By making this choice, you are saying “I am no longer entitled to feel angry, bitter, or resentful toward my mate for hurts related to the affair.” Remember that you are offering the gift of unmerited grace to your spouse. You have no control over your mate’s actions; so if change is going to take place, it must begin with you.

5. Work to hold on to forgiveness.

What will you do when you are tempted again to go down the road of anger? Maintaining forgiveness of the deep profound hurts from close family members often requires sustained dedication to the task. You not only have to decide to forgive, but you then have to live with forgiveness.

HERE'S A BEAUTIFUL POEM FOR HER:

(Marriage Takes Three)

I once thought marriage took

Just two to make a go,

But now I am convinced

It takes the Lord also.

And not one marriage fails

Where Christ is asked to enter,

As lovers come together

With Jesus at the center.

But marriage seldom thrives,

And homes are incomplete,

Till He is welcomed there

To help avoid defeat.

In homes where Christ is first,

It's obvious to see,

Those unions really work,

For marriage still takes three.