Am i wrong for being irritated about this?? ?

No to your first question. And to your second question, I would suggest getting a lock on your son's door and just lock it while she is there. easy solution

I'd most definitely shut the door to your son's bedroom, and not let her in there. Get some things out for her to play with, in say the living room where she can be watched easier, and just limit what is available. If she wants something different, make her clean up and put away what was already out before she gets something new out. If the mess is in a common room as opposed to your son's bedroom, maybe your bf would be more understanding about your point of view on the whole thing, since he can see the mess and is hopefully responsible enough to make sure things are cleaned up before they leave your house. And no, I don't think you are being neurotic about it!

You are not neurotic at all.,My 4 year old brother had a friend who would come and trash everything.Your boyfriend does need to do something about it but since he wont is there a way you could just close the door and now allow her in it.If she asks say that only kids who clean up after themselves and respect the toys can go in the room.Good Luck and stay strong.Mention how ur son feels btw

Unfortunately, not all children are required to or taught how to clean up at home. It may actually be something she's not used to and doesn't really know how to do. The first step may be supervising her closer while she is in your son's room so that she knows what is and isn't acceptable to do (no breaking toys, drawing on things other than paper, etc.) - it's also possible this behavior is just a cry for more attention while she's there. Second, you may have to be more specific than just "clean up", such as saying "please put the crayons back in the box and the toys on the shelf where they were" and then possibly demonstrating or showing her where they go. Finally, remember when she does clean up or do something good, give her lots of praise. I know it's not your job to teach her the proper behavior since she's not YOUR daughter or niece, but if you really like her and your boyfriend, it may be worth the time and effort for all of you.

Being organized and teaching a child to be respectful and to not be destructive are not neurotic. If you made your child put all his crayons back in the container in a certain color-coded order, now that would be neurotic.

Frankly, your boyfriend is doing his niece a huge disservice by not stepping in and teaching his niece proper behavior - since her parents obviously are not. If someone else's child did that in my house, and refused to obey me when I corrected them, AND the adult responsible for them stood by and thought there was no problem, I would be just fine and dandy if the child didn't come back. No offense to the child, of course.

Is your boyfriend the father of your son? If not, keep this issue in a safe place in the back of your mind in case you are ever thinking of having kids with him. These kinds of differences of opinions are sometimes the tip of the iceberg of bigger differences in relationships.

I don't think you are being neurotic at all, she is 4 years old and needs to learn to respect things. I very much doubt she is allowed to do this at school or at home. You need to ask her to clear up and tell her that she will not be allowed to play in the room like a big girl if she can't behave like one. She will have to play under supervision like a toddler if she can't be trusted enough to play in the room.

If your boyfriend is going to let her destroy the room and not make her clean up, fine. Then he has to clean it up. It is your place, your son's stuff. She can't come in and destroy stuff. A 4 year old can clean up a mess. A 1 year old can be taught to put toys away.

You have every right to be mad. Tell him you don't care who does it but when you get home from work you expect your son's room to be in the condition it was when you left in the morning. If the little girl can't be handled in the bedroom maybe she will have to play quietly in the living room and watch tv after school.

You have every right to be mad. When I was younger my parents had parties every weekend which involved at least 6 kids all a little older than me, and everything would be perfect, but after they left my room would be trashed and it would stay like that because it wasn't worth cleaning before the next get together, and they're parents would make them leave without cleaning it up either. Just tell him that if it can't stay clean, the room if off-limits and she's not allowed in there if she can't behave. If he lets his neice act like this in someone else's house, just imagine his own kids.

No, you're not being neurotic. If I were in your situation, I would lock or shut the door to your sons bedroom, and tell her that that room is off limits. Or you can show her a treat or something nice, and tell her that she can have it ONLY if she doesn't mess up the bedroom.

No, you aren't. You could have somethings that she can play with but not in your son's room. I have a 2 year old and she doesn't play in your siblings room without them. I help her clean up the messes she makes so she will know how.

Being organized is a good thing. I pushed my kids to keep their stuff up after stepping on blocks and hurting my feet.

Let your bf know that she is welcome but she has to help pick up her messes and play in the areas that you set out. It is your house rules not hers.

That is very irritating. I couldn't imagine my brothers not making my kids clean up after themselves, especially if they them everyday. As it is they see them a couple of times a week and still treat them as their including disciplining them if they see them do something wrong that I didn't catch. You are not neurotic you're realistic.