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Was this the right reaction?
This is going to be a long one.
So six months ago, I take a job in the Carribbean for an internship/get-away-from-home thing. My parents have been seperated (mom said she had to get out of the house because of allergies...yea right...) and my sister has started to go crazy. Hanging with the wrong crowd, drinking, smoking (mostly marijuana) and starting to get herself in really bad situations. Besides the fact that my sister is going insane and I'm the only one doing anything about it, my parents dont seem to be working out their issues either. So all of a sudden, it seems like I am the one that has to deal with my sister, my mom venting on my dad, and vice versa. It feels like I am the only one trying to keep the family together. (i'm 19 btw). After my sister quit school and my mom and dad didn't do anything about it, i left home for the Dominican.
While in the DR, I was without electricity most of the time, running water most of the time, didn't get paid anything but just enough to buy food, and basically lived in poverty the whole time I was there. Only think going for me was that I had internet when I had power, which meant that I got to keep up w/ my family. Well, six months with no one that speaks english, no electricity half the time, can kind of get you down, but luckily, after three months, my boss found a cool guy from britain that started to work with me (he's 28). Well we hit it off great. A bout two months after he comes down, my friend comes down for a visit for a week. Big morale booster. Its also here that I finally convince my mom to take action against my sister. She got put into a rehab program but she checked herself out after a week. My mom or dad didn't put her back in. At this time, she is also staying over at her boyfriends house everynight and is telling my mom and dad that her boyfriend isn't there, but that she is just staying w/ his mom. My mother believes it, my dad doesn't, but at this point he can't control his sixteen year old daughter. She is also forging my parents checks and one week runs them out of a couple thousand dollars. Meanwhile mom and dad aren't together. To top it all off, my Uncle, who has some money, buys her a new car and starts putting money in a locked account for her to start college with. He tells her he will give her the car if she finishes highschool. My sister goes to school one day to get the car and the leaves. She has about sixty grand to start college but she doesn't want to!!!! About 5 weeks before i come home, my mom comes by for almost two weeks to visit me. Due to my working schedule while i was there, she only sees me for 4 days. She is with my british friend the rest of the time. She tells me before she leaves that my sister has a tattoo, and to not tell my father.
The last few weeks before i leave, i tell my friend from Britain that he ought to come by the U.S. to visit, just to dispell some stereotypes and to have a good time hanging out before he leaves (we didn't get to hang out much). The operation I was working on closes down right before i am to come home, and it turns out my British friend will be coming home early... about three weeks after i get back.
So finally I come home, been dying to see friends, gotta catch up, yadda yadda yadda. I am leaving a friends house and my cellphone comes into service. My sister has been looking for me for a LONG time. My friend (not the brit) gives me her number, cant reach her, call him back to tell him i couldn't reach her. I asked him what she wanted. He didn't want to tell me, so after several minutes of begging him to tell me, he tells me my sister is pregnant. I just lose it, and drive all night and all day. My mom also knows. My sister, who is 16, when talking to me, is treating it like something fun, and its killing me. My mother tells me not to tell dad, who at this point is around breaking point.
So I have one shocking revelation right as i get home. Well, the british guy finally arrives. He comes to our house that night. My mom is at my dads house and has a nice dinner cooked (never happens) and we all watch a movie. My dad goes to bed early so I stay up with my mom and the british guy to watch this film. Toward the end i go outside to get firewood. I'm out there for several minutes (firewood a bit away) and when I come inside, I see them in the window reflection pulling away really fast from each other. I'm shocked, but act like I don't see, and stay up to about 4 in the morning so they wouldn't be alone w/ each other again.
Next day, I take my friend and the brit on a good hiking trip for overnight. My mom calls to check on me, then the british guy talks to her for about 45 mins. The next day we get back, watch a football game, and mom comes over and cooks dinner again. I stay up to 4 in the morning again also. The next day i woke up at 12 o'clock (what can I say?) and the british guy is gone with m
my mom in town to get a grand tour. They aren't back until like, 10 that night. I'm mad, but don't show it. Dad goes to bed, we find a movie on. I go into my room and stand by my door for thirty minutes, then bust outside real fast to see them moving away again. Definately into it. I act like nothing is going on. Up till four again. Next day, wake up late, no church, we just crash and watch T.V. Mom comes in ask jason if he wants to go to evening church. He says yes. They don't get back home until eleven that night. Next day, I spend all day w/ the british guy after my sister decided to show me another tattoo that covered her whole back (not happy) I go to a dentist thing, we eat out, play rugby (found a rugby club) ate dinner in town. We rented two movies on the way back. When i get home, mom has food cooked. We watch the movies, then mom pulls out what she says is her favorite movie (french kiss *gag*). One of my friends come over. My dad comes home and is talking.
Things are in a pretty good mood. By now I am seeing subtle flirts and things between mom and the brit that they think I am not And here, I just lose my temper.
I move my moms car from behind mine (she parked behind me) then I turned mine on. I tell my friend to wait in the doorway. My dad is saying something about the tracking being off on the tape, so I take it out saying I'll fix it. Then I smash it in half with my fist and tell mom and the brit to tell dad what is going on. Then I just leave, and tell my friend that had come over to make sure no one gets hurt and to make sure they admit. 20 minutes later, I call home from my cellphone on the side of the highway. I talk to the brit that is sounding scared, but not saying anything, then I talk to mom.
She denies everything, but in the end, she says that I wished I had talked to her first. I then talk to my dad, that I thought knew everything by then, but apparently didn't as I tell him about the last few days. (looking back now, all I can think of is me takling to my dad on the phone while my mom looks at her feet, it kills me) I told dad not to lose it and that i would come home after the brit was gone.
About thirty minutes later he calls me to tell me that he sent the british guy packing and a lecture too (the brit had been having a good time w/ our family and friends and my dad made sure to tell him that he was wrong to be doing what he was doing and taking advantage of us) and him and my mother went looking for a room for him. So I come home. Its here that I start to think. It all boils down to this I guess.
I'm starting to have these doubts. I was so mad all week long because of what I was seeing. I had so much stress, and it just popped i guess. But I wasn't just angry from him alone, I was angry because they both used me to get together it seemed. That they could do something like that behind my back and not tell me hurt really bad. They were carrying on like i wouldn't find out. The fact that my father has been trying to get back together w/ mom and vice versa hurt also. I mean, they were still married! And the british guy, although he came here for my mom apparently, he initially wanted to come here for a good job to escape britain (he said it was too expensive there). Now I feel like I have put my mom in a horrible light when really, other than being too weak on my sister, hasn't ever done anything wrong, and I feel like I have ruined any relationship I had w/ the british guy.
These last few days all I have been seeing in my mind is me and the brits good times and laughs, and how I may have destroyed his life in the U.S. or any chance of friendship. I also keep thinking of my mother and how I absolutely backstabbed her, calling her out with everyone there. My mom, that has never done anything toward me but good, not looks like, frankly, a whore. I feel like I made a HUGE mistake. My dad has been moping around the house crying. He is filing for a divorce now. My grandmother is sad for what happened (my grandparents are secondary parents to me, i love them to death) and she keeps telling me that my moms life is ruined over a kiss. I just don't know what to do, I feel lower than the ninth circle of hell, I really do. And my sister, geeze, my dad has no clue over her pregnancy or tatoos.
I feel like all this stress is on me and every action I take, or answer I make, is just turning against me! I know lifes not fair, but man, its like, as soon as I get back from getting away, the world is collapsing. What do you guys think that I should do, and do you think I did the right thing? Please be honest. I'm thinking about getting another job away from home. Somewhere out west maybe, I don't know. Thank you for reading this. I know its super long, but I had to give you background on why I'm stressed in the first place. Thanks so much.
BTW, Yahoo wouldn't take everything in one post. I had to go back and fill it all back in 1000 words at a time. I accidentally refer to the british guy by his name, Jason, twice. I couldn't take it out. Sorry again for the long post. Thanks so much.
4 Answers
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
You asked for honesty here you go.....
Losing you cool like that was a bad move Chief. I understand you anger at the situation. Nobody wants or deserves to get played like that, especially by a loved one. However that blow up made a bad situation a millions time worse. You could have took the issue up with them separately and let them know that you knew what was going on and how it hurt you feelings to be used like that. Then you should have stayed out of it. All that is said with the benefit of hindsight and since I have not ever ben in you shoes I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing.
That being said you can't beat yourself up over it. because they created the situation. Given some time I think you'll work things out with your mom once things calm down long enough to realize her part in it. The british dude got what he had coming to him so don't lose any sleep over him being MIA in the states or wherever he is now.
I have to disagree with the first commenter. What you need to do is lay low let the card fall where the may. It the kind of things only time heal, A come to jeasus meeting will only end in disater with you in the middle of it ...again.
- 1 decade ago
"mom" was your last word right? Anywho, i read your whole story bro; my condolences!...I will suggest the following...
Looks like you and your family are afar most of the time. Now that you guys are a little closer to each other to which i predict will only be for a brief period...TALK TO EACH OTHER...call every single member of your family, yes, talk to them all, whether it be through phone or whatever and make a family reunion...let's call it "Family Home Evening"...sit them all down, including yourself. Have something brief to say as an introduction, be open and delicate, since there are hurting issues at hand. Explain your feelings about the various situations; your mom and dad's break up, your sister's issues/pregnancy and your mom's side-adventure. Please don't use this reunion as a chance to blame and vent. Better yet, cry it out before hand so that you got a grip on the situation when you're in the middle of prime time. Explain, expound, lovingly suggest, query and resolve. If you are religious in any way, I strongly suggest an opening prayer, together as a family. If contention (anger against one another) arises...be wise and answer and talk in a calm matter, harsh words from you (the host) will only make it worst. Hope it all works out, let me know how it went if you do take my advice.
Source(s): experience - 1 decade ago
There is no right answer to this. This situation could have been handled better by everyone involved. Just take some time to think things thru and calm down. In the end as long as you all love each other you will forgive and be forgiven. Just give it some time and be open to their opinions even if you don't agree.
