What would you do if you and spouse fought all the time?

Well, I know that since he is a medical student that time with him is extremely limited, if you get any time with him at all. I would imagine he is simply stressed to the gills because of his field, and you are stressed having to work and deal with the day-to-day things overall.

Usually when people fight about silly stuff it's because one of them is stressed or generally unhappy about something. What you guys need to do is communicate if you want to save your marriage, otherwise it's going to be more of the same.

You guys need to make time to talk about what is really bothering you. You're getting wrapped up in living in the now that you can't see a future (past him getting his MD, anyway). If you think you can wait for this to subside when he gets licensed, I say do it. It might be worth the wait. But you guys have to make time for each other, and BE with each other without fighting.

It's up to the two of you whether you really want it to work or not.

If you bicker all the time (your words) and neither of you are truly happy (your words), divorce is inevitable. Whether it's now or later, inevitable. But, is it possible that all this bickering is stress related? You're working your pretty tail off to support him and the kids. Gee, that's not normal. He's freeloading....coming home, sometimes studying. "I need some sleep." "Quit bitchin'!" That's probably coming out of both of you, a lot, and rightfully so. You're noticing the other men? Why not? The grass is ALWAYS greener in the other fellows yard.

Your husband rarely sees, and often underestimates the stress you're under, and you sometimes don't see the stress

he's under, each because of your OWN stress.

You don't want to divorce twice? I don't blame you....

I didn't like it either. Shudda had more time for my first two

wives. But I made, or found time for my third wife. And when she was dying, she knew I was dying right along with her. Think of my words; read them again. Marriage with kids and a job......that's TWO full time jobs. He's trying to remember the stupid terms they are teaching him, and they don't make it easy. He needs you, but, maybe he better get to realizing that you need him, too.

I know I gave you a great big lecture, but, how to describe my thought couldn't be any shorter. With all my heart, I hope

you guys can make it. Life is a ***** either way. But, if you can do it together, make it through medical school, both of you AND the kids will have a good life, if ya can both hold on. Happiness don't just fall in front of you............it's on the

other side of that hurdle....................and all around you if you look hard enough. Tell him I said to hurry up with school. He don't know what he's missin' ! ! !

I know how you feel. My 2nd husband and I didn't fight at all for the first few years and then seemed to drift apart. Alot of it had to do with finances, dealing with step kids (I have 2 boys and he has 3), drinking too much. A lot of things, but I didn't want 2 failed marrages and neither did he so we worked at it until it hit very bottom. We then decided to seriously work on our relationship and now I am so glad we did even though at one time I thought I would be better off and happier on my own. Like you I was divorced and on my own for more than 5 years and knew I could do it. We are now very happy and glad we didn't just give up. All situations are different and I hope that whatever you decide is right for you. Good luck

OK...what would I do?

When looking at this...gotta stay focused on the issue and remove emotions from it...reality check!

1. For my kids, and for the relationship...I would try even harder to make it work, anything and everything I could think of. BUT...if it still doesn't work...and continues to go down the drain...you can move on. This will be easier to move on and will eliminate any "what if" residue because you've done everything you could to keep it together...and still did not work.

2. I read in to this that you want to keep it together because you don't want to be divorced twice? So you are willing to go through hell just because you don't want to divorce twice? Where is it written, documented, logged down, taught or preached that being divorced twice is bad? All it means is that you've made two wrong (not "bad") choices. But you know...if you make another "wrong choice", the Decision Police may come by and give you a ticket for every wrong choice you make...OK...I went a bit far...but you the idea?

3. Discuss what is working and not working in your relationship...and is it salvageable? If not, quickly discuss the other option of divorce and if it's feasible to raise the kids in two different homes. Sometimes this may help refocus the family priorities (away from med school and work).

4. Family counseling.

Best of luck.

You and your husband need to talk and find out what you both want. Arguing all the time is not an easy way to live. Harder when there are children because the children are around the arguing also. I was married to my first husband and we could not get along about anything. My children grew up with us arguing all the time. My son also told me that he wanted us to get divorced. If your not getting along then maybe some things need to change for the better.

. U mentioned hez a medical student and I am sure he has a lot of hard work to do for himself and since u work u hav lil time for him..the stress and tension seems to be building up coz u guys do not hav time to spend with each other ..the only way to reliev the stress is to go to each others throat. Think what will actually work and try to achieve it.U say u want to make it work and if u really want to, u would go to any extend for it eg. marriage councelling or take a vacation ,just u guys together. Good luck and stay positive.

I think it's time to brace up and try to work things out. You're both strained, times are rough as hell, things suck for everyone. You're bickering over the small and the big stuff because you're in negative moods. You're both in a tough spot with workloads, money's tight everywhere and things aren't rosy. You say you have good days...enjoy them and intentionally distance yourselve a little when days are hard. Everybody has bad days and we all need to walk away from an argument whether it's important or not. Maybe you both just need time to wind down before they escalate. Relax, kick back and give yourselves a break...things will work as long as you have time to be yourselves and not rushed and stressed as much. Good luck

It keeps going bad again because either one or both of you aren't fully committed to making a change. You've probably developed an ugly pattern where fighting is your way of communicating & that's just a normal day for you. It shouldn't be. One of you needs to reel the other back in when yelling or accusations start & at least live up to their side of the promise to communicate better. My husband & I don't fight often but when we did it was getting really ugly & we definitely knew we had to change that. It's been a top priority for us & it really has gotten better because we're both always present in mind that we don't want that kind of relationship. It takes effort to stop doing what you're used to. Change yourself & your reaction to him first & maybe he'll follow.

Both of you are under a lot of stress now particularly with your type of jobs. Maybe you need a break from each other even if you separate by sleeping arrangement (someone in bedroom and someone on couch). If you see an argument coming. . . walk away. If nothing seems to work. . . one last effort would be counseling. Good Luck!

it has long since stopped being about what ever the content of your arguements are about. It is now about something else. However, from you summary of the issue I can not tell you what that "something else" is. I think that you are avoiding the issue and it is likely related (although not excatly the same) as issues you were having in your last marriage.

Finally, you are chekcing out other guys because you are psychologically moving on. Thus, your attempts to fix things are likely inaccurate attempts to fix him rather than address the only person in the relationship that you can control...yourself.