How would you handle this situation without ruining your Christmas?

Question

I was visiting my sister-in-law and my father-in-law stopped by to give money (to my husband) so that we would buy presents for my husband an my family.  My husband told me ahead of time that his dad wanted us to divide the money up so that my husband and I would get 100 each, my stepson 150, and each of my children from a previous marriage to have only 50 each.  I was just gracious that he gave some for my children and I was okay with my father-in-law's decision of how he wanted to divide it.
As I visited my sister-in-law and father-in-law, he said that he was surprised that I was there and that my husband said that I wasn't comming.  He then gave me the envelope when usually it goes to my husband.  I then thanked him and through conversation, I found out that each person was suppose to get 100 each.  When I saw how much was given in the envelope, the amount didn't add up the same.  My husband told me a total that was less than what was in the envelope.  I was in shock since this is the third Christmas that my husband had me believe that his dad wanted the money to be divided a different way when it was all a lie.  My sister-in-law said that her dad would have never, and he agreed, had us give more money to one child over the others.  It hurts because the child that got more is not my child and the ones that got shorted are my children from a previous marriage.  What would you do in this case without ruining your Christmas?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Looks like your husband was the one that wanted to give more to his child. I think if it were me I would go to your father-n-law and just casually bring it up. "So you wanted the money divided how?" "How much should be spent on 'each' child?" etc. And make sure your husband is present at the time so that he knows what was said by his father.
I am in a second marriage and have 2 step-children and one that is mine. I asked my parents to always treat all 3 children the same. I married the mother and the children. My parents have no problem with that. Your husband should have accepted your children as a part of you. They should be as special to him as his own.

Danielle F · Answer

This is a tough one, step families and children can be at the center of this a lot. 
Go ahead and divide as your father in law said. Personally, I would wait until after Christmas to bring it up with your husband & bear in mind the possibility that your FIL might have told your husband something different that he didn't want to say to you.  

The only thing you can do is ask your husband outright - explain that your FIL told you he wanted it divided equally and ask why did your husband tell you different?  Be calm, because this may bring out things neither of you want to hear or say.
Ultimately if your husband treats the kids very differently, some of that is natural of course, but some is just unfair & that may filter to down to the kids so really must be addressed.

Anonymous · Answer

Get  the money out and discuss with your husband how to divide the money fairly among all the kids. After all, your own family will be your husband, you, your husband's kids and your kids. The rest are just extension and not the immediate part of your family.

Giggles! · Answer

I would confront your hubby about it,just tell him you know about the money,you want an explanation and take it from there.I think your hubby has been very selfish to your children and you defiantly need to sort out this mess.
Good luck and try to have a fun Christmas!
Stacey,uk xxx

Nora · Answer

i would confront my hubby now.  no way i could let this situation burn me over the holidays.  looks like your hubby was dishonest and held back money and was unfair to your kids.  It would make me question the whole marriage.  especially since he shorted my children.  maybe time for a divorce.  he is probably unfair to them in other ways and that can damage them.

anti-marunong · Answer

you can ask your father-in-law to give it to the children personally. or, you could just not let the other children know how much the other got.

homeedkamsm · Answer

You need to have a serious conversation with your husband. This is serious.

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How would you handle this situation without ruining your Christmas?

7 Answers