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Kaybee
Lv 4
Kaybee asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 1 decade ago

Joint custody visitation during Holidays?

My live-in x's is continually re-scheduling the court ordered custody times for their 4 kids.

The court has given them a schedule, - my BF gets them every other Holiday, every weekend beginning on Friday pm's and all summer vacation.

His X is ALWAYS changing the times, and dates of this schedule.

She manipulated the schedule so that she's has the kids for 2 Thanksgivings and Christmas's in a row. If she does allow the kids to spend a Holiday with us it's only for a few hours and then she has some other activity planned for them.

My BF does the best he can, but he walks on eggshells because he's afraid she will do what she can to keep him from the kids.

I told him she's already doing that.

He doesn't have money to take her to court.

My feeling is she wants absolute power over his relationship with the kids and over my relationship with the kids.

The only times that everything runs smoothly is when my BF allows her to direct and schedule all the activities.. if she doesn't get to be "in-charge" of the kids weekends, then she makes "plans" elsewhere for the kids on my BF's weekends.

This is BS but we don't know how to change this without everything getting worse.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

12 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago

    Quit worrying about everything running smoothly and make her stick to the schedule. If he is supposed to have them and she calls and says well I want to take X to this and it's during your time say too bad. If she refuses to bring the kids or keeps them from him bring call the police and have the court papers ready. They may not do something the first time but if you keep calling something will be done and she will get tired of the police showing up at her house. Plus even if nothing is done they still have to write up a report and you can get a copy of it for yourself. He can take her back to court without a lawyer. It's called appearing pro see. You just have to be able to spend some time and look up the laws in your state and write EVERYTHING down. Even if it goes smooth as pie still write it down. The time you pick the kids up or she drops them off, any phone calls, emails, text, the contents of their bags, ect. Any interaction. Remember this is COURT ORDERED visitation. In Illinois it's called Unlawful Visitation Interference the first two times the police are called it's a petty offense (like a speeding ticket) the third time it's a Class A misdemeanor and the fine is up to $2,500 and a year in jail. There are things you can do you just have to do them. Good Luck.

    Source(s): Landon's Mommy.
  • 1 decade ago

    Been there, done that!!!! If he really wants to change the way the mother has been controlling the situation, he doesn't need money! Most family courts have fee waivers (aka In Forma Pauperis) for parents who can't afford the fees. Being this is court ordered parenting time, it's already on record and he shouldn't even need an attorney. If he did, there are also many legal aid programs in most states. I really think he needs to learn how to say "NO", to this woman. If it's his parenting time and she refuses to let him have the children, he simply calls the police. At least, that's how it can be done where I live. If he really, truly wants to stop this woman from taking away his parenting time, and truly wants to be with his children, he'll do what's necessary! No one can defy a court order!! It's against the law!!!!

  • 1 decade ago

    He doesn`t need a lot money to take her to court.Just fees to file paper with the clerk (where I live this is around $30.00). But, first start to keep a log of info for a month or two.With the things you have stated in your question.Make sure to note times and reason given for change in plans (court ordered visitation).Never forget this is court ordered and she is in violation.

    After/when he files court papers (these papers will ask him to explain why he is asking to have a court time).He will need the file number on the original court papers (found at the top of the paper).If he dosen`t have that a lot of times his name and personal info will do. He will be given a court time, it is usually a month away from the time he files.His ex will be sent a copy and must appear also.

    When a person appears without a lawyer, and is representing themselves the court/judge is very careful that the not be taken advantage of. And will help along the way when needed.

    I have had to file many times over things with my ex,( one time against the wishes of an layer) and have always walked away with my ex having seen the light.....But, you must have a log of dates in Information to show the judge...made be willing to cross examine your ex in a professional manner.

    Good Luck..I hope this helps

    Source(s): Been there done that............
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    i know u wont like this but im going to tell u anyway cause its free and evil... dont call her u or their dad..ur bf.. when she does get around to calling u to say hey do u want the kids this weekend say no we r busy we are going to a friends place out of state then continue not calling her and when she calls again asking u to keep them for a weekend say sorry we are too busy helping a friend redo their kitchen this weekend or what ever lies u need to come up with and eventually when she asks what his problem is why doesnt he want to visit his kids have him tell her she is so manuipulative with times and schedules ur not interested in any visitation until she equally splits holidays with him and stops trying to control the agenda and if she cant do that then she can just stop calling..i know its painful but if u dont have court money i dont have any other legal non violent suggestions..if thats not good enough ..drug addicts will do ANYTHING for $100.00 wink wink

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I am so sorry that some people will allow their ego get in the way of what is best for the kids. I am guessing the kids are young, In my relationship, things eased up when the kids got older. All I can advise is give them the best of "you" with the time you have with them. They will remember the goodtimes and in time perhaps see what mom did.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If he isn't willing to come up with the money to pay for a consult with his lawyer and possible court cost, then she wil continue to have the upper hand. That's just the way it works, the stronger person always wins. Not exactly fair but that's how it is.

    If he wants to change the situation, he needs to stand up to her, he needs to be aggressive in his dealings with her. He LET'S her do it, that's why she does it.

  • m
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Most kids want to be with their mom. They don't ask for their parents to get divorced and it is not their fault that they do not get to grow up with both parents. You sound like you might be a bit controlling and want to dictate your boyfriends children and time spent with their dad. Maybe the kids do not want to be with him as much. Kids have busy schedules and it's not fair for them to miss out on sleep overs or sport activities just because their parents are not together. I have 4 children and their father and step mother have finally allowed them to just be kids. We get along well and agree that the kids activities and happiness comes first and not the visitation schedule. Please back off and this will probably work it's way out on its own. Just make sure the kids have fun with their dad and make the most out of the time he does have with them. That will make the kids want to spend more time there. Ultimately the kids will be 18 and they will be able to choose who they want in their life. I promise you it won't be the parents that are bitter and resentful. They will grow up and respect that you and your boyfriend did the best you could and made them have as happy of a childhood as you could when they are with you.

  • 1 decade ago

    I am unclear as to why, if this is such a huge issue, he hasn't saved up the money, gotten a second job, done everything he can to legally enforce this. If money is the only excuse he's using to keep things the way they are, I really have to wonder what his priorities are.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Even if you talk to her there is nothing in writing and I am sure she will always change it to what best suits her needs. You need to all go back to family court and get it settle in front of a judge. If you don't have any money, see about getting financial aid in your commmunity.

  • 5 years ago

    It relies upon how old he's. those issues get extra tricky the older the youngsters get. i do no longer assume he could be chuffed in case you dragged him removed from his friends each college ruin. you're good letting him % if he's teenage or close.

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