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If her romantic feelings for me have gone away completely, is there any chance they will come back?
We've been married for ten years and we have a 2-year-old son together. I realized something was wrong, but didn't expect that her feelings for me were dead. Not just cold; dead.
Things have been that way for her for about 1-2 years, but she didn't realize that her feelings were gone either until she started to have a crush -- feelings of "deep longing" -- for a co-worker. As far as she knows, the co-worker is oblivious to her feelings.
When it comes to us, she says she could still have a change of heart.
I left her yesterday with the intention of giving her space to figure out what she wants and for me to start getting over her.
Does it seem possible that she might really have a change of heart, or am I holding on to false hope?
What could I do to increase the chances of her feelings returning? I don't think she would be the least bit jealous if I started seeing somebody else, and doing that would probably backfire on me if she decided to do the same.
She says she still loves me, but is not "in-love" with me, and not attracted to me.
I should have mentioned that she is reluctant to go to counseling, and there was no specific trigger for her feelings to go away. Perhaps it had to do with her being self-concious about her weight after the baby. She has just recently lost 40 lbs and just started this job.
The fact that her romantic feelings for me are dead was not a matter of interpretation or mis-interpretation. I asked her if her feelings for me were dead, and she confirmed that they were.
17 Answers
- mfcatLv 41 decade agoFavorite Answer
Maybe she is going through something right now and if you are gone for awhile, she'll miss you. On the other hand, maybe she won't. Sadly, where I work, I see these young women feed off of each other. When one was recently divorced, she started giving advice to all the other young wives, about how good her life was without him around, telling her what to do, making her miserable. Women are so into romance and probably this guy at work says all the right things to her, obviously at a time that she needed to here them. I'm not saying she has a good enough reason. I feel like when you have a child, you owe it to that child to do everything you can to stay together. Try giving her some space...but not too much. Tell her you'd like to date her. Take her out. If she just keeps up with the line of not being "in love with you", then try to keep yourself calm. Go on about your life. Wait if you want, but I would move on after you feel you've given it your best shot. I hope you win her back.
- 5 years ago
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- Medic*Lv 41 decade ago
I am in the same boat as you .
Think about things that may have changed in your marriage over the last 3 years or so...
Usually there is a trigger as to what started it going down hill ...
I am in the same situation as you but mine came from an emotionally abusive husband that has done everything in his power to destroy the marriage ... I finally let go of my rings today and they are in our local land fill :D It was the only way to get through to the jerk of a husband ..His also landed there too but not in the same bin it was a symbolic way of saying we are separate ..no longer one in the same ...One little last jab that I could do to help me emotionally ... all 2 carats of diamonds GONE just like the marriage ..
A lot of problems can be traced to a source one way or another ... you just need to look ... whether it is you or her that caused it ... I can tell you that in reality I don't think that I could ever redevelop feelings after being abused ..and ignored for 6 years ...I would say it is not likely that your wife will redevelop those feelings since she broke your trust by admitting that she has "feelings" for some one else .... she is apt to act on them at some point with him or some one else .... I am sorry that you are going through this but you will get through it ... But once those feelings are gone they are usually gone . Hopefully you can find healing and peace but remember you have a child so try to keep it cival even tho it will be hard ..
Source(s): experience - 6 years ago
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RE:
If her romantic feelings for me have gone away completely, is there any chance they will come back?
We've been married for ten years and we have a 2-year-old son together. I realized something was wrong, but didn't expect that her feelings for me were dead. Not just cold; dead.
Things have been that way for her for about 1-2 years, but she didn't realize that her feelings were gone...
Source(s): romantic feelings completely chance back: https://tinyurl.im/fYLGG - How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
This sounds like a case of the grass being greener on the other side of the fence. I'm guessing she'll come running back to you IF the co-worker does not reciprocate her feelings. It's easy to be attracted to someone when you have no shared responsibilities and no shared problems.
The lack of attraction comes from a lack of connection. Whether or not it's possible to get it back depends on why it's missing and how much damage has occurred.
- 1 decade ago
Honey i'm gonna tellya like this..she's not the only one that deserves happiness ina relationship and if you guys are only together for the sake of the child then NOBODY not even the child is going to benefit. and You cant help someone who wont help themselves but that doesnt mean you shouldnt go to cousleling without her..it would do some good. You may spend the rest of your life without her being inlove wiht you or you may rekindle what you once had...but its not something YOU can do alone nor should it be all YOUR effort and none in return. she may have a crush onthisguy but then what...what about downthe road when her feelings for him die too? she needs to evaluate herself as well as you and you cant make something work on your own.....trust me..... TRUST ME.......
- 1 decade ago
Defintely, but it will take work and possibly a little sacrifice.
I was in your wife's position about a year ago and I know the anguish and guilt that she is feeling about what she is doing to you. But, as we all know, your feelings are very difficult to control.
Here's how my guy helped me overcome my wild streak: he reminded me that he's there for me but didn't invade the space that I needed to breathe.
- Anonymous7 years ago
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- lindervishLv 41 decade ago
I absolutely believe that love can 'come back'. You should both go to counseling, both privately and jointly.
Since you have a child, I would not have left until you started the counseling. It's confusing for your son when you leave and come back. I appreciate wanting to get over the hurt and I never advocate staying married for the sake of the child, but since there's a hope for reconciliation - get back there!
- 1 decade ago
Not knowing why your wife feels this way, I cannot tell you if there is any hope. There is only one way to find out and that is to try! Now that you have "left" her, why not try dating her again? Go back to the time before you were married or had kids. Take her out, try to win her over like you did when you first met. I would also suggest marriage counseling.
Good Luck!!!