is it all really adhd or just a plain lack of dicipline and respect...?

I'm going to agree with you about ADHD being WAY over-diagnosed. Sounds like that bratty kid you encountered was milking his "condition" for all its worth.. I think some good old fashioned disipline could've worked wonders for him if his mother had implemented it. It's ridiculous that a stranger (you) had to be the one to make him behave!

That said, I think ADHD is a real disorder, but 1) I don't think every child who is diagnosed with it actually has it 2) ADHD is not an excuse for bad behavior. My little sister is really ADHD, and I don't think it's a product of my mother's parenting. My mom is not super strict or anything, but she isn't lax either... I think my sister was just born a hyper child. That doesn't mean that she's allowed to act up though, but it usually takes a couple of reprimandings before she will actually stop.

So, I definently think a lot of this misbehavior we see is a combination of ADHD and poor parenting. Some kids will always be hyper and inattentive no matter how they are disiplined, but if left to do whatever they please, the behavior is only worse.

Without knowing more about the family dynamics, its hard to tell for sure which the problem is. In this scenario, I would definatly say lack of discipline, but remember you may not have seen the way it is all the time, or there could have been any number of other things going on that you dont know about.

ADD/ADHD are definatly over diagnosed and at times used as an excuse. But please remember, that they ARE real, and that some kids really do have the disorder.

You also need to be clear that a lack of spanking is NOT what contributes to the lack of discipline. There are many other means of effectivei discipline. (I assume you are reffering to spanking when you say "hands off approach"). The key to whatever method is used is CONSISTENCY. Even spanking used inconsistently will yeild the same results as no discipline. No means of discipline is effective unless it is used consistently.

You also need to realize that the psych field is NOT the reason why parents dont discipline as much today. The current generation of parents decided that they hated how mean their parents were, and that they were going to be the cool parents who were friends with their children, and proceeded to parent that way. The problem that they dont realize until its too late, is that a parent CANT be the friend of the child. Thats why they are called parents, not friends. By the time the parents realize that, its usually too late.

You should also realize that the school system and the parents looking for a quick fix is what led to the over diagnosis of add/adhd, NOT the psych field. The parents demand quick fixes, and sue doctors if they dont give it. So the docs hands have been tied in this. And the school system tends to not care if they are really add/adhd or not, they just want the kids to be quiet in class, and will demand diagnosis/medication until the kid is being quiet in class, and that ties the hands of the parents and the docs.

All I am saying is that its NOT as simple as you make it out to be.

ADHD and ADD do exist. In this specific case it isn't even relevent if the child actually has it or was misdiagnosed. I have a child with ADHD. It isnt an excuse for permissive parenting or bad behavior. Sadly some parents just don't understand that. This child will suffer in the long run because his parents don't want or don't know how to effectively parent. But that isnt what ADHD is or means. My son has strict rules and he isn't allowed to run wild. Effectively managing ADHD and ADD require scheduling and boundaries. Permissive parenting is about the worst thing a parent can give their child, especially if they know their child has ADHD or ADD. Misdiagnosis is rampant and alwas has been when it comes to attention disorders. We need to teach our kids how to function with ADHD not how to become a problem all of society deals with for generations.

My take....

Children have existed for hundreds of years and discipline has never been a problem until the parents started psycho-analyzing things to no end.

Some of it is ADD/ADHD yes... most of it, I think, is a syndrome parents can say their children have to deny any responsibility or lacking they had in bringing a child up.

This isn't to say that spanking is always the answer. There are countries, like Sweden, that have outlawed spanking completely yet education still exceeds US standards.

I could not agree more! Good question by the way! :)

I am 29 and about to have my first child. I was spanked and disciplined very well as a child and into my teenage years. I really believe that "ADHD" (most of the time) is just a sorry and lazy excuse not to discipline your child. Weather a child has ADHD or not, they know the difference between right and wrong. That kid knew darn well what he was doing. And it is not his fault, it's the lazy moms fault. Do you think my mom wanted to spank me? No it broke her heart, but she did it out of love and she knew that it was the best thing for me. I plan on raising my children they same way I was. The Bible says, "you spare the rod, you spoil the child".

God bless

Definitely a lack of good discipline. Children need to be taught the fear of the Lord, in that they will love, obey, respect, and honor both God and parents. But if you want to talk about the fear of the Lord, then I'm afraid you won't get much support here, or from society in general.

Discipline and love go hand in hand. Without discipline, you do not practice true love, and without love, you cannot practice true discipline and have it be right.

It's funny how everyone nowadays can be diagnosed with something. Excuses, excuses. I would chose a perfect God over [very] imperfect men (including myself) any day when it comes to figuring out how to handle my children.

I tend to agree with you more than not. I think many, too many, parents are so quick to look for a 'diagnosis' to explain their children's behaviour instead of examining their parental skills. I agree they are conditions that exist but for more than not, they are excuses. I would say that diagnosis should only come after the parents have completed extensive parenting classes and have been monitored by a professional therapist.

BTW, I am 46 years old and the mom of 3, ages 2, 4 and 8.... it is scary how much different my perspective is than moms who have kids the same ages but perhaps are 15 yrs my jr.

Nothingconstant has it ABSOLUTELY right! I think Add , Adhd, and autism are way over diagnosed. Parents need to turn off the tv, laptops, cells, and other crap and start raising their children again.

When you say "no" MEAN IT!

When you say there will be consequences.... give them consequences!

Don't let psych drugs control your kids...YOU CONTROL YOUR KIDS!

Make your kids finish what they start.

Don't watch them every second of everyday...let them explore their surroundings solo once in a while. Every kid needs to learn how to make the right decisions without mommy and daddy hovering over them.

Honestly...I think the world (mostly America sadly) is in a pathetic state. Pioneers would be horrified to see how the youth of today acts.

Parents with kids who have ADD or forms of it require better skills, they should take parenting classes and spend more time with their kids.

Unfortunatly these days parents let their kids RUN them and they don't put in much effort to change it. Lot's of these kids end up in homes because the parents don't want to or know how to deal with the issues. plainly some kids are just neglected and really suffer no illness at all, except the illnesses of neglect.

Sorry, but this kid is using that "label" to disguise his real illness- spoiled brat-itis and the mom is only enabling him.

Besides, ADHD does not exist. There is no physical proof medically that any such disorder exists.