Am I married? Or Not?

Question

I got married in a church by an ordained Pastor and we filed for a marriage license in the Court house. The pastor signed, my husband and I signed and it was completely filled out. 

Here is the tricky part.My husband never took it to the Court house to be recognized by the law. It said on the back that within 10 days that if it wasn't turned in that there would be a 50$ fine. Well, my husband refused to do it and wouldn't let me. That was 10 years ago. Well, 6 years after our "marriage", I went  to the Social Security Dept. , and wanted to get my name change from my maiden name to my Husbands so that i could update my Drivers license. She said that there wasn't a court house seal on it and so she couldn't do it.But after talking to her and saying that we have 2 kids together and been together all this time I should be able to. So she did.

And now I would like to know cause if we are not married it would save me money on a divorce. And I don't think that common law marriage would play a factor in this , because we have not lived together consecutively for the amount of time it takes. Also he has never used our mutual address, when we had one together, as his mailing address. He has always used other family members' addresses.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Call the courthouse and talk to the department that handles marriage licenses and ask them.  But I'm betting you're not married.  If you don't turn in the signed paper, then how can they have a record of your marriage?

EDIT:

In response to the person that mentioned common law marriage:  Not all states recognize common law marriages.  Mine doesn't, I'm really not sure that any of them do.

Bill C · Answer

Wow, you're in a bit of a weird situation. I have to wonder why he never took it to the courthouse? Is it possible that he's legally married elsewhere? If he's not, how can he be prepared to meet someone and settle down if he has this sort of unresolved issue? I'm not up to speed on the laws in your area, so I won't comment on that part, but I will say that in Canada, it's the Pastor's responsibility.

Also, you don't sound like an unreasonable person, and from what I can tell, you appear to be an attractive lady. So what's his problem then?

dtykris · Answer

You both  have children together 

You and your children have the same rights in either common law or legal marriage or just shacking up

Either way you need child support and you will need to go to court to determine the amount.. unless he is a complete loser and your the only income provider - if he is .. f him.. if not.. be friends to the end and move on with your life if thats what you want

Sis · Answer

Wow, that is very interesting.  I would contact the family law facilitator at your local court house, cause, that is a very good question.  Filling for custody though is a must, before he does.  Wow.  Yea, that's what i would do.

Anonymous · Answer

Ok, first, you DONT have to have a marriage license to change your name, a marriage license just allows you to do it for free.  You can still fill out the paper work and pay the fee, so all she did was allow you to do it for free when she should have charged you.

Next, no, your marriage is not legal.

Crystal LeeAnn · Answer

You are still common law married.  You held yourselves out to be married all those years and you even changed your name.  So, you are locked in on being married.  You will have to get a divorce.

Common law marriage is just as binding as the court reported one.

Happy Mary · Answer

yes by common law!  but you need to get out of there because if you two would ever fight and police are called you can go to jail for having a pfa on this guy did you not read the pfa you can get in serious trouble for that!

? · Answer

You really picked a prize there.  The only way to tell now would be a divorce lawyer paid by the hour.

Anonymous · Answer

1. do you feel a leash around your neck?
2. does your spouse get bent when you check out another?
3. are you not allowed to have friends of the opposite sex?
4. does having friends of the opposite sex mean "emotional cheating"?

If you answered yes to one or all of these....then you're married.

Good luck

mimzy · Answer

Talk to a lawyer and find out what you should do.  Also, I wonder why he never used your address (other family member's addresses.) odd, isn't it? 
Good luck :)

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Am I married? Or Not?

16 Answers