Comments on this poem please?

Sounds like a personal struggle of someone with faith, who always believed in something "greater" and the something 'happened'.

I'm reading a humbled, yet desperate "I told them so"....

Titles are too personal to the author. You can ask, but........:)

This will surely make me unpopular but it's true. I always want the truth, but I want it to make sense. Some of the people I have met here give what I assume is well-meaning advice, but their suggestions would ruin the poem in innumerable ways. If I were less experienced and less knowledgeable, I would not find this aggravating, but I ceased being inexperienced years ago. If someone does not like the poem's concept or language, I would like to hear why. If someone thinks the syntax is strained, tell me why. But you'd better know what it is you're talking about, because I have to be able to learn something from you if you offer advice. Unfortunately, that rarely happens unless I have the good fortune to catch Hypocorism in an off moment and he stops to analyze and respond. If you like what I write and wish to compliment me, that's okay. If you genuinely offer a suggestion that is well-informed, even better. If you offer me garbage that demonstrates nothing but how little care you take with words and suggest I do the same, then shame on you. Tact is very important, don't get me wrong. But eventually, I'd like to see some well-informed analysis of poems and thoughtful suggestions. I've given more than my share, and now I will wait to see how many others can, or will, follow. How's that for truth?!

"It's always a surprise, the real size" is a great line. The internal rhyme is playful and reinforces the surprise.

That others do what you love, but better than you are able "stuns/ and it stings" changes the tone unexpectedly, but I suspect that jar for the reader was what you were intending, since it reinforces the jar you are describing.

I'm less convinced that the ending is, well, the ending. I think the "not at first" from the beginning leads me to expect some enlightenment at the end, but you declare that we are still unenlightened. If you choose to address me, the reader, directly, enlighten me, and then declare that I remain unenlightened, it will confuse me.

I like the scythe poem far better, but I think this has potential. What the scythe poem had for me that this one lacks is concrete images. This is about the swirl in your head that you are attempting to transfer to my head. This difference is partly a matter of taste in poetry, not a statement of quality of this type of poem. If the casual reader has to work too hard to see that the blues and reds and yellows that cascade in are the blues and reds and yellows, primary colors that fill the world, filling your newly opened eyes, the casual reader is going to say, "huh" instead of "yes!" (That's an observation more about the casual reader than about the poem.)

You are a gifted writer. The title might give your reader more direction, but you'll likely want to avoid the pedantic. The poem itself is of discovery, not "telling" so perhaps "Discovery" would be appropriate.

Its a wonderful take on the feelings of a mystery

we call Earth.....there are end parts of the poem

which can be taken differently.

I feel it needs more words ..... still unfinished

Perhaps that is what you could call it ....' Unfinished '

or ' EARTH UNFINISHED "

Like that, do you want to reconsider the word 'nobody,' it's kinda, well, wrong. Should be anybody. Good write though. 6.5 billion and counting, boggles the mind.

I like the hopeful surprise. I'd help with a title but I can never name my own.

Mesmerising and lyrical.

The imagery is incredible and it's so real, it's heartbreaking.

Your poetry never ceases to amaze me :).

(((Jon)))

ps. How is the title 'Eyes Closed'?

Clapping oh yaah clapping some will not understand still Clapping

Nice poem

I did not read it

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/21/us/politics/20we...

Love it

Title? why not Unbelievable ? but untitled works good too

(((Jon)))